Musing Mommy

Chocolate Coconut Chocolate Chip Cookies

2012-02-08T12:00:00.000-06:00

Or CCC Cookies! Yes, it's that time again--time for a recipe!

Yeah, I'm kind of sloppy when I drop the cookie dough

Recipe Yield: 2 dozen (or 16 sloppy, big ones)

Ingredients

1/2 cup (two sticks) butter, softened*
1/2 cup white sugar
1/4 cup light brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon imitation** coconut extract
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup cocoa powder
3/8 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup shredded, unsweetened coconut
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup coconut M&Ms (optional)

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In large bowl, cream butter and sugars together. Mix in egg, coconut extract and vanilla until light and fluffy.
Combine the flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt. Stir into the butter mixture until well blended.
Mix in the chocolate chips, shredded coconut and M&Ms.
Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets (I prefer to use parchment paper--I stopped burning cookies when I started using it).
Bake for 12 to 15 minutes in the preheated oven, or just until set. Cool slightly on the cookie sheets before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.
Enjoy!

* For dairy free, substitute margarine for butter and use dairy-free chocolate chips **Unlike imitation vanilla, imitation coconut tastes great. I don't know if there's a non-imitation version, either.

First Time Moms and the Hospital Birth

2012-02-03T14:39:00.001-06:00

Disclaimer: This post obviously addresses mothers with average, uncomplicated pregnancies who do not desire a medicalized birth.

Okay, so in our society, whenever a woman hears the word "birth," the first thing that comes to mind is usually the hospital (and often, a dramatic scene from a television or movie). Even women who've decided they don't want pain meds for their birth for whatever reason, still automatically think of going to an OB/GYN and birthing in the hospital. Women who've thought of homebirth are often confronted by worried partners who have been similarly conditioned to think of birth as a medical event and convinced to go the hospital route, even though they know it's not the best option for them.

courtesy of stockxchng

When I was a First Time Mom (hereafter referred to as FTM), I thought I needed an OB and that homebirths were illegal in my state. At the time, it was close to true in that the restrictions on homebirth were so great that outside of an unassisted birth, it was nearly impossible (or felt that way) to have one. The first big mistake I made was finding an OB. Admittedly, I did it because I was having fertility issues and I didn't know a midwife could be an option, but it was still a mistake that would ultimately ruin my birth experience (and yes, that matters--a healthy baby is not, despite the propaganda to the contrary, the only thing that matters: an unhealthy mother is not good for the baby).

So I went to the OB. I was then emotionally tortured for the next several months. I would go to the appointment confident and strong and leave hurt and beaten down a little more each time. I tried to leave that practice twice and was thwarted the first time by an insurance snafu with the horrible office personnel of the local midwife practice and the OB I would use with my second birth. The second time, the midwife I was trying to switch to ended up dumping me at 38 weeks, which led to the destruction of my confidence.

My 'natural' birth was destroyed by interventions (the first and most important being the moment I got out of my bath and left for the hospital). While I never had a need for nor received an epidural, the 'intervention domino' still happened. I ended up with a most likely unnecessary cesarean, despite being an informed, educated (in pregnancy and birth at least) and supported (even had a doula) woman.

Many of us think that giving birth in the hospital as a FTM will give us the confidence to have an out of hospital birth the next time. What a lie! The hospital has no interest (nor is it in their interest to) in supporting a woman's confidence in her birth. If they don't 'rescue' us from this or that, why would we go back? We would realize that we don't need them (oh, the horror!) and have beautiful births in birth centers or at home. So they need to create drama, even if that's simply making mom fight against every single thing she doesn't want done to her or her baby.*

Now, this is where my story gets a little different from most: my husband realized what happened with the hospital birth and that the cesarean was not a rescue, but a threat to his wife and child. So he did not feel confident that the hospital was a 'safer' choice anymore. He had always supported my choice in birth, wherever, but admitted to feeling safer in the hospital... until it happened. Unfortunately the intervention domino is actually designed to lure partners in: the partner is in a helpless position. His/her wife/partner has all these problems that 'need' interventions and the hospital 'rescued' her from 'what could have gone wrong.'

Many parents (both!) do not recognize that most of the problems were iatrogenic (meaning that they were caused by the doctor/hospital) and would not have happened at home or in a birth center with a midwife who truly supports natural birth. Even I still wonder (will always wonder) how my birth would have gone had I stayed home. Of course, then I wouldn't have the experience I have: a cesarean following a (mostly) natural labor, a medicated VBAC and a totally natural birth center birth (that was almost unassisted). I now am confident that my long labors were caused by the interventions (especially the worthless cervical checks) considering how fast my most recent birth went.

For this reason, I caution FTMs from making the same mistakes I have made (and others tried to caution me, but of course, I didn't listen, as I don't expect the people I caution to--though I still always try, in the hope that I can perhaps help even one mom get the confidence she's looking for to have the birth she truly wants) and encourage others to examine their previous births (it's so hard to admit that you may have been lied to by professionals you trusted and, indeed, your entire society/culture) that were not as desired and pinpoint what could have been done differently.

Don't just assume you have no options, especially if a doctor (or nurse) told you that. Most doctors don't want you to have options or truly don't believe you do (*otherwise, why would they be doctors if they didn't believe in what they do?). Ask questions. Read. Become educated. Don't be another statistic.

If you truly feel that you need to give birth out of home for that 'confidence,' then look for a birth center option. Preferably detached from any hospital. If there are none in your area, look up your local laws and find out how you can support the addition of birth centers. Don't be afraid to travel a little! And if you absolutely must give birth in a hospital, do it with a midwife who clearly supports real natural birth (and not the kind who seems like they'd have rather have been an OB). CPMs are the best middle ground midwives--they have more training and access than a DEM, but aren't as medical minded as a CNM.

I hope this post can help moms who are looking for encouragement or confirmation for their feelings on out of hospital births and just needed that last little vote of confidence. Peaceful birthing thoughts to all mamas out there. May you have the birth that you desire.

courtesy of stockxchng

Infant Feeding Hierarchy and Terminology

2012-01-31T11:40:00.000-06:00

This post was originally published Feb 16 2010 on cafemom. I'm posting here and now because I'm sorry that I haven't posted this month and it's my apology. Having a newborn and two older kiddos is time-consuming!

AsI write this, I realize this is a touchy subject for some. First off,understand that this has nothing to do with the choice you made or had made for you (I haveformula feeding friends and no problem with that) nor you as a person;this is only about the substances involved. If you are here to start adebate, please stop reading now.

Fist, we've all heard "Breast is best." That's a universally accepted truth, right? No. Too many people misunderstood that message to think that breast milk must therefore somehow be something more than the norm, so the message has been changed to, "Breastfeeding is the standard."(1) However, even using the original message, we can come to the same conclusion--that cow or soy based infant formula is an inferior feeding method. The formula companies acknowledge this freely (usually when defending themselves in court) despite their advertising.

So here's we're going to explore the "Breast is Best" language. Best, as we know, in the "good" hierarchy, is the top. It is better than better, which is better than good. Well, infant feeding has a hierarchy as well. (2) It is listed as:

1. Milk at the Mother's Breast2. Mother's Pumped Milk in a Bottle3. Donated Milk from Another Mother
4. Infant Formulas

So, using this, we can apply it to the language hierarchy in which the word "Best" appears. This would mean, mimicking the list above:

Best: Milk at the Mother's Breast
Better: Mother's Pumped Milk in a Bottle
Good: Donated Milk from Another Mother
... : Infant Formulas

Well, what comes below good? Well, automatically, we would say that going down the same catalog, what would come next is either "worse" or "bad" (considering that bad takes the place of good in its pyramid, then is followed by worse and worst). However, I think we can skip the first, but to avoid applying "worst" to the next in the list, let's expand it.

Best: Milk at the Mother's Breast
Better: Mother's Pumped Milk in a Bottle
Good: Donated Milk from Another Mother
Worse: Infant Formulas
Worst: Cow's milk

So, the same conclusions are drawn from either terminology. Even if Breast is Best, that does not make formula "good" or even the next alternative. Although this is the not the first journal to create this hierarchy, another (3) is in reference to preterm infants, which actually lists formula as worst:

Breast is Best, breast is standard. Formula was designed as a medical option for infants who could not breastfeed either due to one of three extremely rare conditions or for the less than 2% of mothers who physically cannot produce enough milk or the less than 5% who, for other medical reasons, cannot breastfeed. Regardless of personal psychological response, the next best option for ALL babies, is the milk from another human mother. After all, why would we equate feeding our child milk produced from this:

As superior or even equal to the milk specifically created for this?:

Photo by of Blessed Life Photography

Doesn't any healthy mother want the best for their child? So why don't we advocate more strongly to provide alternatives to the "fourth best" AKA worse, option to breastfeeding for mothers who either can't or don't want to nurse their babies? Why do we spend more time trying not to offend their choice to use the only option they believe is viable or obtainable instead of working to give them MORE options? Better options?

If you are interested in being a part of that option, click here to find out if donation is an option for you.

(1) Watch Your Language by Dianne Weissinger
(2) UNICEF, WHO, UNESCO: Facts for Life: A Communication Challenge. New York: UNICEF 1989; p. 20.
(3) Global Health Policies that Support the Use of Banked Donor Human Milk: A Human Rights Issue.
Further reading:
4. Enterobacter Sakazaki and other microorganisms in powdered infant formula
5. What Every Parent Should Know About Infant Formula
6. The Deadly Influence of Formula
7. Human Milk Banking
8. Nutrient By Nutrient Why Breast Is Best
9. Nutritional Information for Human Milk

Katarina's Newborn Pictures

2011-12-02T23:16:00.001-06:00

Katarina's Birth Story

2011-11-17T16:42:00.001-06:00

"Every pregnancy is different." We remind each other of this fact often, but despite that, still look for patterns in our own to make them more predictable. It's hard waiting and not knowing. This pregnancy reminded me of that very strongly. My body followed its pattern of earlier symphysis pubis dysfunction and earlier prodromal labor--but not earlier labor itself. The baby inside me settled differently, responded to stimuli differently and, in general, was as unpredictable as could be.

I assumed on the 'safe' side, that I would have a day-long labor as I've had in the past. Well, right from the start, my actual labor started differently--it started at night. Around 9:20 pm or so. I just figured it was more false labor, but the contractions were intense enough that after a few hours of it, I texted Tara, my doula and turned on my contraction timer and recorded that they were averaging approximately a minute every 3 minutes.

I danced around to music and sang a little bit. My contractions were only really bearable when I was standing or dancing, so it seemed like the best thing to do. I couldn't get baby to drop and my labor pains moved around into my back a bit and down my legs--things I'd heard about, but never experienced myself before. I figured the dancing was still helpful anyway.

I posted on Facebook a few times, to keep everyone in the loop as promised, then decided I had to have a shower around midnight. I got into the shower and sat down, letting the water fill the tub and rain down warm on me. The contractions broke a little, but did not become less intense. I still felt better for having it. I put on a Poise panty just in case, so I could just go to bed and not worry about making a mess with my water.

I tried to get some sleep, as I'd advised Tara. I had a strong feeling that I was definitely in labor. I'd been tricked once before, so I still questioned it repeatedly, but I wanted to be rested as much as possible regardless. I was very glad I'd made the kids let me take a nap earlier. Off and on, I used the hypnobirthing/hypnobabies wrist drop while breathing through contractions and while I wasn't able to do anything involving the 'hypno' part, it still helped, surprisingly.

I woke up to contractions off and on and started chanting positive messages: "I'm fine." "It's the baby; I'm going to have a baby." "I can do this." "I've done this before." At first, they were just in my head, but I started having to breathe them out as it got harder to tolerate them while being so tired. Eventually, they became verbal and I decided I was too loud and gave up on sleeping, trying to let my family get as much as they could.

Every time I went to the bathroom, it was terribly painful from the pressure of the baby and I finally couldn't take doing it all on my own anymore, so a little after 6am, I called Tara and told her that I needed her. I had tried to make it at least until 7, but I wanted her there as soon as possible and I knew she would take about an hour to get everything ready to go. My bloody show was becoming more and more red and it seemed a good sign that things were progressing.

I called and left a message at the birth center that we were having a baby today, but didn't want to call and wake up Rachel herself when I was so sure I still had half a day left or so.

Tara came and we talked for a little bit, then I dozed on the couch off and on between contractions while she stayed next to me, dozing on the labor ball that I just could not stand to use more than to squish baby down a bit. She helped me get through more intense contractions and I returned to chanting my positive messages when I wanted to scream.

A few times, I did howl and yell, but I tried to turn it into singing, goofy sounds or more positive words when I could. My family woke up and Brandon made the kids breakfast. I was torn between starving and so nauseated I didn't want to eat. Tara had retrieved a bucket, just in case, but thankfully, I never used it. The birth center returned my call to see what was going on, but I wasn't able to talk, so I gave the phone to Tara.

Transition hit hard and fast around 10:45 or so. The birth center called back again and talked to Tara to assess where I was in labor. Tara confirmed that I was definitely in labor and that things were going quickly. Neither of us had really recognized transition yet, but my contractions had doubled and I wasn't tolerating them much anymore. I kept trying to chant my positive phrases, but I was shouting them and crying.

I was afraid of how intense it was getting, flashing back to Naomi's labor. Nausea had taken any desire to eat away and I wanted the birth pool, which I cried into Tara's shoulder as I held onto her and we swayed through a contraction. She called and told Rachel to fill it, who said she wanted to wait and check me first (which I figured, since I'd always had slower labors).

I lost all my positive and started crying that I couldn't do it, things were too hard, it was killing me, etc. and Tara just stayed positive, just as I'd asked and told me I was just in transition and it was almost over. She and Brandon got the girls ready and all the stuff out to the van while she continued to support me every couple minutes in between. Everything seemed to be flying, suddenly.

Then as we were walking me out, I grabbed Tara, falling into a contraction (to which, I had begun pleading and occasionally screaming in shock) and told her I was feeling pushy. It was a strange, half-feeling, but I knew it very well and instead of the joy with which I announced it with Naomi, it was a half-panic. She asked if she should call Rachel to come and do it here, but I was determined to get to the big, blue pool and was sure I could make it the barely 10 minute drive.

Before I could put on my seatbelt, another contraction left me screaming and arching and my water broke. I yelled at Brandon to buckle me in and hurry and that my water had broken. I started apologizing before contractions, because I knew I couldn't not scream through them. But more, 3 minutes into the drive, I was pushing and couldn't stop.

Brandon sped, worrying about being pulled over, but worrying more about not making it to the Birth Center. He kept telling me that he didn't know why I was apologizing, that I was okay. I just kept doing it--it had become a mantra. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I was writhing in the seat, trying to get away from the intense pressure on my perineum. I knew it was the baby's head and I didn't want to sit on her.

We pulled up to the ramp and Brandon ran out and banged on the door to get the midwife while I unlocked the doors as Tara ran up and unbuckled. I arched away from the seat, screaming that I was crowning, the baby was here, I was going to sit on her! When Rachel opened the door (Tara meant to call her to let her know we were on the way, but things had just moved so fast right before we left, we forgot plenty in the whirlwind), she heard and saw me and ran out, Sheena following behind.

Then she told me what I knew and didn't want to hear--I needed to get out of the van and into the Birth Center. I howled that I couldn't and she argued with me. The second there was a lull, I was being pulled out of the van and supported to the ramp. Due to my weight, I'm always nervous about people supporting me, so I was terrified that I couldn't do it. I made it almost up the ramp and then collapsed onto my hands and knees as another contraction caused my body to push and push hard!

I continued to argue with them that I couldn't get to the door as I tried to do what I knew had to be done. Just a few more feet, but my contrary birthing brain kept arguing grumpily at them (which was how I was able to keep going--that fighting urge).

"It's too cold to have the baby out here!" I heard Rachel say and I forced my hands and legs to crawl me in the door. I chewed Rachel out for not filling the pool for me and yelled that I wanted it. They started filling it while Rachel apologized, pointing out that none of us expected me to be going so fast! Later, when I had access to logic again, I'd know that there was no chance I would ever have got in the water anyway--I couldn't stand up to get in! I could barely move my legs and my uterus had a mind of its own.

I was pestered toward the bed, but I finally called it and just worried about crawling out of my pants and Poise panty (which had contained my entire water mess, hooray!), then lifted up one leg and reached down as I screamed while my body pushed again and I felt something soft and strange, but hard at the same time, coming out of my body.

I wondered if I was feeling buttocks instead of a head and asked what was coming out of me. There was a questioning, "Maybe your bag of waters?" as people shuffled to see, but I just kept wanting to know what I was feeling. Then the rest came out and I realized it was my baby's head just as someone told me that was what it was!

I couldn't see Brandon and I yelled for him and a camera. I had kept meaning to ask for pictures during labor, but it wasn't to be, things just went far faster than I expected. Instead, it was going the way we had hoped (only a little faster at the end than I meant!). Brandon appeared and pictures were taken, though it was Tara taking them.

Graphic pics:
http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x110/Xakana/Katarina%20Birth/014.jpg
http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x110/Xakana/Katarina%20Birth/017.jpg
http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x110/Xakana/Katarina%20Birth/018.jpg

The kids were playing in the lobby/living area of the Birth Center and totally missed the actual birth because I screamed one more time and my baby girl flew out of me. I looked down in shock and couldn't actually comprehend that I was looking at my baby. I was very confused. A closed-eyed baby was in my hand, very still. Someone mentioned that the cord needed to be moved off her neck and it was. I heard someone say it was 11:42 when Rachel asked for the time.

After a moment, I realized that she wasn't moving as they rubbed at her and brought over the oxygen. I rubbed with them and started down, still in shock, responding mechanically. I said, "I had a baby!" in surprise as I finally absorbed that it was my baby in my hand, not breathing. Then she gave some coughs and started writhing as I yanked off my shirt and pulled her to my body, still attached to me. I looked at her ginger hair and grey eyes and noted what a round little chubber she was.

My body contracted again and I felt something coming out. I reached down and birthed my placenta, setting it on the floor. It was still partly inside, so Rachel was looking at it and waiting for it to finish. She said to give a little cough and it would finish coming, but I told her I couldn't do anything right at that moment. My body was tired and barely listening to me, though that was too much to convey.

I felt okay after a moment and gave a little push and the rest came out. I realized I'd had a lotus birth in the back of my mind, but now I was too interested in the baby I was holding. I also noted that my placenta looked to be much smaller than Naomi's.

I mentioned that Lilly should be called in to cut the cord and the girls were brought into the room to see their new sister. Lilly asked a ton of questions as Sheena opened the clamps and scissors kit and we answered her. Lilly cut the cord, though it took her a few tries to get all the way through. I examined it in fascination both before and during the whole process.

The baby had covered one of the towels in meconium shortly after being born but was mostly clean all over from all the rubbing to get her breathing. I was helped to get into the bed and snuggle with my naked baby. She and I just stared at each other for a while. I was super weak from the intensity of everything that had just happened and she was so chill that I didn't offer to nurse her. We just looked at each other, both of us surprised. She was so quiet and calm and we realized her purple complexion on one side was due to a bruise when looking for birth marks (she had none).

Her head was perfectly round, which made sense since she went from feeling high in my belly to shooting through my pelvis in only 11 minutes. Only four minutes passed from us arriving to her coming into the world outside of me. It was an hour before the shock wore off and she and I tried to nurse. I finally got her latched on (her rooting instinct hadn't kicked in) and her eyes went wide and she drank enthusiastically, looking more surprised every time she sucked and got milk.

Time flew by after that and I was only half-aware of what was going on. When Tara was ready to leave, I asked that she stay and Brandon go to Subway to get me my celebratory turkey sandwich that I had so been looking forward to. So she did and took pictures during the newborn exam. Naomi got to trim the cord down and I finally got to find out how much the baby weighed--8lbs, 13 oz and she was 20" long.

I fuzzily did the math at just under 14 1/2 hours from beginning to end.

Brandon and I talked about names (he still had my list on his phone and when he brought up one of my favorites from the old list and paired it with my favorite from my new list as a middle name, I liked the combination) and texted Tara as soon as we'd decided, then I called my mom while Brandon posted on Facebook that we had chosen--without revealing the name.

He told his sisters, parents and one friend who texted with a good story as to why she deserved to know (and hadn't been a pest about it, so he was happy to tell her anyway). He had been pestered severely by coworkers for weeks for a name (that he wouldn't have told them had we known) so he took delight in keeping it to ourselves for most of the day.

I ended up with two stitches, before which, I got up to pee and Katarina Xylia cried for the very first time as she woke up without me. Immediately, Mommy instinct hit and I called out for someone to pick up the baby, but she wasn't totally content until she was given to her daddy (since I couldn't hold her right then). She knew him right away and settled back down.

I ate and was encouraged to nap some more after a failed attempt to go shower. I didn't make it to the shower (nearly fainted) and instead, the pool was filled back up for me to take a bath. It was heaven and I brought Katarina in and we bathed together. The moment she hit the water, she relaxed and slept against me, so content. It felt so wonderful.

I was encouraged to stay a bit longer and nap some more since I was barely able to walk. It took me longer than average to recover, since things had gone so fast after so little sleep and I wasn't feeling my body's cues, so I didn't know when I was hungry and thirsty. Once I was hydrated, fed again (pizza) and napped, I was able to get dressed and walk out, feeling much better. We went home around 7pm and my sister met us at home to make sure that there were two adults to help me into the house in case I nearly fainted again, but I did fine.

My fastest labor, my heaviest baby who was the calmest, most alert newborn baby I've ever seen. My first totally natural birth--it was intense, but amazing and everything went the way I'd wanted (except for the land birth, but that's what I get for hoping for a fast birth!). I'm feeling good and I have a little baby who likes to talk already (and two proud big sisters and a sleepy, proud Daddy holding Katarina as I typed this out).

Going Past the EDD

2011-11-11T19:36:00.001-06:00

40 weeks, 6 days

Well, I've done it again. I've got past my "due date." I'm 40 weeks, 6 days today. Baby isn't engaged anymore and she's all stinkery about position. For whatever reason, she doesn't want to come out. Before, I figured it was the stress of needing to move (we moved last week). Then maybe it was how badly I damaged my hip moving heavy stuff, so I went to the chiropractor. While I feel better, my prodromal labor hasn't even really resumed.

Friends and family seem to be convinced that they will be the one forgotten in my slew of updates as things happen during the pregnancy. I seriously post whenever I have a steady stream of contractions and yet, they seem to think they'll miss that ever important "The baby is coming now!" post! Or that I won't make it. I promise, I'll make it or my husband will. And there will be phone calls. And pictures. Come on--I document basically everything!

Here, see? I even document weirdo positions baby gets herself into:


40 weeks, 3 days

While I won't be posting graphic pictures of the birth on facebook, you can rest assured that they will be taken and they will be available eventually. And there will be some gross, gooey ones at least on facebook--just nothing showing my nether regions (which will hopefully be buried in delightfully warm water).

I start NSTs this week. That means that my midwife will strap some monitors to my belly while I chill out and watch to see that baby has good heart accelerations. Not incredibly exciting, but tends to be pretty relaxing, in my experience.

So, just as a reminder: you can't annoy the baby out, but you can put yourself at risk for being bitten. The E(STIMATED)DD is just an average. I'm not overdue until 42 weeks and baby is fine and dandy even then. I am tired and sore, but will not be pregnant forever. Once the baby comes, it will be me plus three.

And there will be pictures. So chill out. After all, I am.

Nightmare Movies from Childhood

2011-10-31T03:00:00.001-05:00

So, when I was a kid, I would have called my oldest daughter a wuss when it comes to what scares her in movies. She can barely handle any tension--villains are just awful for her. I've tried to watch a few of my favorite movies from childhood with her to no avail. The Little Mermaid? Can't hold her attention--we didn't even make it to Ursula. Labyrinth?

Oh, yeah. Those goofy puppets (to me) are an absolute terror to a sensitive four (now five) year old. Thinking on other favorite movies of childhood, they're basically all out. The Neverending Story, Willow, Goonies, Legend... We were just expected to be tougher as kids in the eighties. No Dora, Max and Ruby, Caillou and the like to give us fun, happy stories without scary bad guys.

These Cracked articles illustrate that: 1 2 3

(the scene with Artax (Neverending Story horse) is definitely one that's never left me. Scary? No. Traumatizing? Well, I still get upset in movies when someone kills a horse--more so than when most humans die.)

I think it was the fear that these kids' movies inspired that led me to love the horror genre. So, what scared me as a kid? Not all are hugely different from an adult perspective, but I at least watched the whole damned movies (and seriously? Who let me watch these? Often, the answer was: my sister, but you'd be surprised how many times it was my mother). I'd never intentionally expose my children to these movies before they're cynical teenagers.

Gremlins

I used to swear I saw the little bastards in the grass at night when I stared out the windows. And I still, to this day, cannot stand open cabinets or closet doors.

Alien

That thing has been haunting my nightmares for I have no idea how long--only that I must have been exposed to it as a very, very young child.

The Gate

This movie is why I will forever hate claymation to the depths of my soul.

Twilight Zone the Movie

Poor John Lithgow. Yes, there were some scary moments with the kid with the mind powers, but nothing traumatized me as thoroughly as the gremlin on the wing of the plane. I seriously want to cry looking that thing up.

Tales from the Dark Side: Seasons of Belief

Not a movie, but I've never forgotten this. I don't think I ever will. Nor will I say Its name.

Child's Play

Really? You need an explanation? I owned this doll and promptly went home, tied her up with a jump rope and lobbed her at the back of my closet, not to look at her again for months. I actually still own her, though she has dreadlocks, no cartridge and no batteries. So my kids can play with her. If she ever talks, I know there's no batteries. Although I always thought Chucky was more of a My Buddy doll.

So, there's a list of movies that terrorized me as a kidlet. What movies haunt your nightmares?

Amber Teething Necklaces

2011-10-22T16:48:00.000-05:00

So, these have become really popular among natural circles. I didn't hear about them until my second daughter, really and she was six months old before I decided to give it a try. I was quite skeptical, but I figured if it didn't work, it was pretty enough.

I didn't really notice any difference. She was clearly just as drooly as before and still displayed teething behaviors (gnawing on everything, drooling away, etc.). I just kept moving it from her leg at night back to her neck in the day and then one day, I realized that she had finally broken through a tooth. Her behavior had not changed. She had not become any more fussy than usual (she was a very fussy baby in general) and in fact, had not even been all that fussy that week.

The real test came when she got in two molars at once--and I had no idea she was teething until they were in. Now, maybe she was an easy teether, but with her personality and sensitivity level, I find that notion utterly preposterous.

Surprisingly, she's still somehow benefiting from it and she's over two and a half years old. Within twenty-four hours of the necklace not being on, her ability to deal with stress and unpleasant situations plummets. I have no clue why. It was why we bought another necklace to replace the first one that she broke.

That's right, she broke her necklace. Did she choke on it? Nope! She was pulling on it and, as it was designed, it broke rather than choke her. Only one bead came off--the bead at the place of breakage. See, when I got a necklace, I made sure it was designed so that every bead was individually knotted and small enough to easily pass through if swallowed. No choking hazards.

I know that's a big concern for parents--it's a necklace on a baby. Honestly, seeing how they were designed, I didn't worry about that. I could tell it was made very safely and since I cosleep, I could see how it fell on her in her sleep after I stopped moving it from her ankle to her neck (yes, I don't take it off at night, but you certainly can if you like).

I don't know how scientifically supported they are. There are very mixed answers on that. But I don't believe in homeopathy for the most part. I'm a "I'll believe it when I see it" kind of person (I even tested Hyland's teething tablets on myself when I had a broken tooth: totally worked--the Hyland's teething gel did not, at all). Well, I've seen it and I believe it works. And sorry, but babies cannot react to placebos--how can the power of suggestion work on an infant? I'm not the only one that I know who had a baby show an obvious change when the necklace was no longer on and then a reversion to a happier baby once it was back (took about 24-48 hours for the positive change to come back, around 24 hours or less for the negative reaction to set in).

So I do recommend these. Like I said for my own daughter, if nothing else: they're pretty. They work by excreting succinic acid (amber is not a stone, but a resin) when warm, through the oils that come out when in contact with skin. Baby does not chew on them for relief. I mostly kept it under her clothes so that she didn't have much access to it, but honestly, since she'd been wearing it so long, she didn't really try to get to it that much. It was just a part of her.

Get a necklace that has knots before and after each bead with a screw clasp (this will come apart in the event of the necklace being pulled on hard enough and can be repaired). If baby doesn't wear it at night, it might help if you do--around your ankle or wrist, to keep the amber 'warm.' Do not leave a baby alone in a crib with a necklace on! My children do not sleep alone, so she was able to wear it at all times. Take it off for baths to protect the necklace thread. Check your sources to the best of your abilities before purchasing, to be certain you get Baltic Amber and not an imitation. The lighter the stone: the higher the concentration of succinic acid, supposedly.

Courtesy stockxchng

Don't Fear the Microwave

2011-10-01T23:19:00.001-05:00

photo courtesy stockxchng

There is a human tendency to fear or demonize anything poorly understood and especially anything new. While this is an excellent survival mechanism, unfortunately, it lingers beyond its usefulness in many circumstances. Fear is an excellent tool of control, so very often, it is encouraged by those in authority (or those desiring authority).

What does this have to do with microwaves? Quite a bit! Since no one is trying to control us through microwaves, it would seem people would get over this irrational fear, but instead, it continues to perpetuate itself through the very mystery of microwave technology itself.

I believe we can largely blame x-rays for this. For 30 years, we were assured repeatedly that x-rays were safe: so safe, women of money received them at every prenatal visit and they were available in shoe stores to see the fit of your foot inside the shoe, to ensure a proper and healthy fit.

Of course, we know now that x-rays cause cancer, infertility, pregnancy complications, fetal mutations and birth defects. Why the hell would we trust that any technology is safe after that? Well, you can either be a technophobe and take that route (why are you using a computer then? Electromagnetic radiation is coming off your screen right now!) or you can do your best to study the information available and make as informed a decision as possible.

Now, the microwave. People have many fears about this device. The first is safety--are microwaves just pouring out of the oven as it goes? No.1 Not 'pouring out'. Yes, they do leak a tiny amount of microwaves, which are non-ionizing and rodent studies have repeatedly found no damage, even from nearly an entire lifetime of chronic exposure--more than you would be exposed to even if you stood in front of one and cooked in it every day. The material that the microwave is made out of protects you. The risk from microwaves is burns--which you have to find a way to keep the door open to be exposed to (or be inside one).

Now, that brings us to how microwaves cook in the first place: "Microwave ovens cook food with waves of oscillating electromagnetic energy that are similar to radio waves but move back and forth at a much faster rate. These quicker waves are remarkably selective, primarily affecting molecules that are electrically asymmetrical — one end positively charged and the other negatively so. Chemists refer to that as a polarity. Water is a polar molecule, so when a microwave oven cooks or heats up food, it does so mainly by energizing — which is to say, heating up — water molecules, and the water energizes its molecular neighbors."2

It basically bounces around the interior of the microwave in irregular patterns, heating what it comes into contact with. So, it's not like waves pouring around inside and it's why microwaves heat unevenly much of the time.

So, okay, you either are convinced with the science or you're not, that the microwaves are well contained and even when not, they are not cancerous, due to their nature.

pic courtesy of stockxchng

The latest myth about microwaves, however, comes from the raw foodists. In pushing their agenda (as we all do), they have perpetuated partial study results that showed that nutrients are leeched in microwaves during cooking. This is true! They are also leeched, in greater amounts, in oven, stovetop, steam and grill cooking, due to the slower nature of the cooking methods. Nutrients are leeched during any cooking at all into the water it's prepared in.

So, raw foodists have that on their side. But that's not the message that got spread to the public (nor is it the whole story by any means). If you're a raw foodist, good for you. I'm not. I, like all generations of homo sapien before me3, like my food cooked. So, for those of us who cook our food, what is the real story here?

"Several studies have shown that microwave cooking, if properlyused, does not change the nutrient content of foods to a larger extentthan conventional heating. In fact, suggests that there is a tendencytowards greater retention of many micronutrients with microwaving,probably due to the shorter preparation time. Does not describenon-thermal effects. The main problem with microwaving is the unevenheating of the food, which has raised concern regarding microbiologicalsafety. Microwaving infant formula and breast milk has becomeincreasingly popular. The content of nutrients and antibacterial factorsin milk are maintained unchanged provided the final temperature does notexceed 60°C." 4

In fact: Spinach retains nearly all its folate when cooked in a microwave; in comparison, it loses about 77% when cooked on a stove, because food on a stove is typically boiled, leaching out nutrients. Bacon cooked by microwave has significantly lower levels of carcinogenic nitrosamines than conventionally cooked bacon.5 Steamed vegetables tend to maintain more nutrients when microwaved than when cooked on a stove top. Microwave blanching is 3-4 times more effective than boiled water blanching in the retaining of the water-soluble vitamins folic acid, thiamin and riboflavin, with the exception of ascorbic acid, of which 28.8% is lost (vs. 16% with boiled water blanching).6

So, in conclusion: microwave cooking is not for every food, certainly (broccoli retains more flavanoids when steamed, for example, but if you're not going to steam it, it will retain more nutrients by microwaving than boiling on the stove--it's best eaten raw, however, for maximum nutrition: but it still contains plenty of nutrients even after cooking), but it is a valuable tool and shouldn't be as feared as it is. At the very least, don't feel guilty about using it once and a while. It's not hurting your food any more than any other method of cooking.

Why Natural Birth Advocates Are Passionate

2011-09-24T14:15:00.001-05:00

photo courtesy of stockxchng

A lot of people misconstrue natural child birth advocates as judgmental (and frankly, everyone is judgmental to some degree--it's a natural defense mechanism) when in fact, the passion they're displaying is intended to be protective and comes from a place of caring.

Let's imagine you know of a few different hair and nail salons. One is super popular, even though it's more expensive and the satisfaction rating is lower than the other three in the area. But they give out 'free' cappuccinos, lattes, mochas or tea with every visit. I put free in quotes because the cost is actually recouped in the more expensive service.

Now, you know a few people come out with awesome hair, exactly what they wanted, but most people end up being talked into a haircut they didn't want or just having their hair messed up completely. They went in hoping to go blonde and ended up red or wanted their natural nails painted and styled, but the manicurist does such a bad job that they have to have acrylics to cover up the damage.

photo courtesy of Beaudenoir at stockxchng

Women keep going back, though, because the place is great for covering their asses when they screw up. Women actually leave believing that the place saved them from what they actually wanted (and would have looked far better on them). Not to mention the free drink! It's almost perfect.

In the other salons, women go in and while a few have to go to the popular salon to get a mistake fixed up, the vast majority come out happy and with the hair and nails that they wanted--or even better than they expected.

Would you recommend the popular salon? Wouldn't you try to stop your friends and family from going there, knowing what a terrible experience so many other people report having?

photo courtesy of stockxchng

Unless you're a contrary person and/or refusing to follow the analogy, you probably just said, "Of course not!"

Now, I chose hair salon because I always have freaking awful experiences at the ones I can afford and most people will use one at some point in their life. But any business where that sort of thing went on, we would find unacceptable and try to warn the people we care about to stay away from. It would be really frustrating watching friend after friend go in anyway and end up with the same experience. Can you imagine all the times you had to bite your tongue because their hair looked mediocre or worse, but they were trying to only see the positive in it?

Well, if you add in the number of women and babies who are injured or who die who shouldn't, that is where the intense passion comes from. It's not just about the NCB advocate's own experiences (which are subject to far more ridicule and judgment than any other mother's birth choices), it's about protecting every woman's experience. It's about protecting the people we love and the loved ones of others as well.

That isn't to say that there aren't beautiful births that have necessary interventions, pain medication or happen surgically! The NCB is never speaking against necessary deviations, but those which could be avoided. Very often, we started out at the popular salon ourselves and that's why we recommend the others. Out of love.

Stop Emotional Labeling of Food

2011-09-16T13:21:00.000-05:00

photo courtesy of aschaeffer at stockxchng

So, food and I have issues. For one, I do not like to be seen eating, because I feel that everyone equates being fat with eating. As a teenager, this translated into skipping months eating more than a meal a day (sometimes not that much) for fear of being judged for eating. I don't have a problem eating in a group as long as everyone else is eating, because it's like I'm camouflaged.

This stems to a lot of emotional language linked to food as I grew up. My mom 'rewarded' us with 'treats' and when I was eating when she wanted me to be doing something else, she would yell at me for "stuffing/feeding my face."

As a result, I have a lot of guilt when I eat. I feel like food is something you have to 'earn' and eating is a waste of time and money. My feelings only apply to me, however. I know all of the above is utter garbage, but it's so ingrained into me from years of emotional food language that I can't separate it in regards to myself.

All of this was brought up from reading one of the latest Guinness World Records: The World's Heaviest Woman. I'm far, far from there (and doubt she's the actual record holder, but she is the one willing to step forward... figuratively), but her story made me so sad that I finally had to write all of this down.

I try very hard to avoid emotional language and connections to food with my children. Fighting is not allowed while we are eating. Guilt is not allowed while someone is eating. Behaviors are not rewarded with food and food is not taken away as punishment (the old 'sent to bed without dinner'). Food is used as what it is: a necessary energy/nutrient supply. Yes, it should taste good, too.

I think it's very important to avoid comforting and rewarding with food. Just as important is to avoid shaming with food and associating food with guilt and shame. Both anorexia and emotional eating stem from these associations. (Of course, body image issues also contribute, but so much of that is societal, and this is something parents can control)

I think a lot of this is also hard for those whose love language is Acts of Service, especially those of us who got our cup filled by those special moments with grandma or whoever gave us 'special treats.' Those are also dangerous for the future adult, as they are emotionally associated with a positive memory and thus, can be used for comfort later. Ways to avoid this? Certainly don't spoil special moments with grandma! But, also make sure that grandma/grandpa/auntie isn't the only one giving the favorite food if it's something that would be especially unhealthy to indulge in in times of emotional distress. Find a middle ground, of course, even if that means suggesting grandma stick to fruits or letting kids have cookies at home--without emotional baggage attached.

My weight problems actually have little to do with food and more to do with me not being active enough, but they were actually begun with an attack of genetics mixed with my body's withdrawal from Ritalin, which I was on for ADHD as a child and stopped cold turkey when I was 12, resulting in me doubling my weight in the next year (not knowing about the side effects of stopping so suddenly or having had an appetite in years--I was severely underweight). The next attack on my body was being on depo provera (on which, I gained 75lbs) for two years.

And, of course, a note that comforting a baby/toddler/preschooler with nursing is not even close to the same as using food.

Your Baby

2011-08-25T18:08:00.005-05:00

originally posted on cafemom Jun 30, 2008 at 2:18 PM

photo by SUNCHASERS

You are the first person your baby will ever love (even if you share that with Daddy, Grandma or Aunt, etc.).

Your baby doesn't care if you put on makeup in the morning.

Your baby doesn't care if you wear your pajamas (or nothing) all day long.

Your baby doesn't care how you sing--to him, you are the greatest singer in the world, even if you've been told you can't carry a tune in a bucket or had your significant other ask you not to sing in the shower.

Your baby doesn't care what music you like--you have the best taste in the world.

Your baby doesn't care how old you are.

Your baby doesn't care how much you weigh.

Your baby doesn't care what you look like at all--you are as beautiful to your baby as she is to you--maybe even more so.

Your baby doesn't compare you to other moms.

Your baby doesn't care if you know the 'right' words to her favorite lullaby.

Your baby doesn't care if your bed isn't made.

Your baby doesn't care if your towels match.

Your baby doesn't care if your socks match.

Your baby doesn't care if your sink is shiny.

Your baby doesn't care if you sleep 14 hours a day--as long as you sleep with him (or when he does).

Your baby doesn't care what car you drive.

Your baby doesn't care what shoes you wear.

Your baby doesn't care if your clothes came from a fashion designer or the thrift store.

Your baby doesn't care if his clothes came from the thrift store!

Your baby doesn't care about the size of your breasts or your butt.

Your baby doesn't care if you don't 'do' your hair.

You tell the world's best jokes, to your baby. You make the funniest faces, the greatest sounds.

Your baby doesn't care if you missed your shower.

Your baby doesn't care what anyone else thinks.

So why should you?

All your baby cares about is that you love her or him and keep him or her safe, well-fed, comfortable and wrapped in your love.

All your baby cares about... is you.

Photo courtesy of stockxchng

The Difference of a Midwife

2011-08-17T22:37:00.004-05:00

So, with my first pregnancy, I wanted a midwife, but between bad information and some bad luck, I was unable to get away from the obstetrician that I originally hired because I thought that was just what you did. It's something I really regret. On my first appointment, she made me cry by telling me that I had basically no control over who would be at my birth.

I figured, okay, well, I guess that's how it is at OB practices. But appointment after appointment, she spent the time working on trying to make me afraid that this or that could happen. I was told not to read anything about pregnancy/birth or to participate in my Due Date Club (all of which I ignored, of course). She read my birth plan in front of me, told me everything was good, went over it and approved it.

Then, around 36 weeks, she freaked out over my use of the term 'emergency' to say that was the only time I would agree to a cesarean. Like most women who had never been to medical school, I had no clue that the obstetric definition of emergency was a far cry from the average person's. And rather than just try to explain, she blew up and went on a rant and when my husband tried to calm her down by asking what the risks of an actual emergency cesarean were, she announced that it was basically guaranteed with "someone like [me]."

She continued with ignoring the whole agreement we had that we would not discuss induction before 42 weeks--she started pressuring me to induce at 38 weeks. I agreed to a sizing ultrasound and she was disappointed to see that it did not agree with her assertion that I'd have some gargantuan giant (with no medical reason to believe that I would). She was frustrated that I wouldn't let her control my birth and she took it out on me and tried to frighten me into it as much as she could. If I hadn't had the awesome, supportive community of natural mama friends that I had, I might have been beaten down.

So, I think you can understand why I was wary in my second pregnancy and going to an OB, even if it was a new one. Due to insurance issues (screw ups in the administration part of it), it was 20 weeks before my first appointment. Every appointment, I was stressed and worried and sure that the First OB from Hell would reappear in the skin of my new OB. But time and time again, he was a great doctor, involved my daughter in appointments and was quite a CNM in OB clothing.

I had my VBAC with him and while I have some complaints about how I was treated by the staff, I don't have any complaints about my doctor. But I didn't want to birth in a hospital again. I didn't want to do the whole cycle of fear all over.

While I was recovering from trauma from my second daughter's labor and postpartum period, a friend had a wonderful announcement: a new birth center was being opened in my city. I was so excited. As people talked about the midwife who worked there, my excitement just climbed. No one had anything negative to say about her and really, she sounded too good to be true.

Still, I sent her an e-mail asking some questions about insurance, VBAC, etc. and was even more excited by her answers. She took my insurance, she was planning to take VBACs, it was all a go! Honestly, that was the last bit that I needed to heal and be prepared to get pregnant again.

Fast forward to my first appointment. I felt no fear as I approached the building. No trepidation, no sense of 'this person is going to hurt me, take my autonomy and make me cry.' It was an amazing feeling. I'm sure that the birth center being in an old house really helped--no sterile, cold office to make me feel separate and subject to someone else's will.

First, there was a living room for a waiting room. Not that there was much waiting--it was more to give the kids a place to play and my husband somewhere to sit comfortably with them where he didn't have to feel like he was dodging around being in the way (a constant concern of his).

The kids immediately connected with the midwife and her assistant and frankly, so did I. There were these magical words coming out of her mouth--it was like I was in Bizarro world. "You'll be expected to eat and drink to comfort in labor." "We don't cut the cord until it's done pulsing." "No one's going to be telling you when to push, we want you to listen to your body." "You'll be catching your own baby." (This was after I mentioned how much that meant to me with my VBAC)

There was a birthing pool in the room where the appointment took place. I sat on a real bed, not some table-bed thing. Normal sphygmomanometer, normal doppler (although the assistant was amazingly gentle with it--I'm used to the doppler wand making me kind of sore--and she found my baby's heartbeat at 10 weeks, which I didn't think would be possible!), O2 tank hidden off but available, etc. The safety measures available, but not obvious (and I don't mean not obvious by how they are kept in cabinets in the hospital, etc. -- actually not obvious).

My kids were included in what was going on. At my last appointment, my oldest was taught how to pump the sphygnomanometer and today, she and her sister both got to pump it up most of the way before the assistant needed to take over and get the actual reading.

Then everyone took turns listening to my heart.

And each other's:

Seriously, a picture is worth a thousand words. When are you ever going to see the scenes above at an OB's office? And an appointment isn't the same either. Today was my glucose test and it was probably the longest I ever waited--about ten minutes--while I paced around, letting my grape juice burn off (as being stationary is bad for the test!) and poked around the rooms (which is when I saw the O2 tank for the first time, actually) curiously. I've had the pleasure of watching the birth center be turned into the lovely building that it is now, since it was so new when I first started coming.

While my daughter shot darts at the door under the encouragement of my midwife and her sister laughed stealing them and running back to Daddy, we talked about diet (protein, protein, protein!), concerns, where I'd want to transfer if I had preterm issues (my concern I brought up today), how to effectively communicate in labor and dealing with trauma from previous births.

At our last appointment, we talked about music and their available equipment for listening to it and the variety that mamas brought in. She also talked about my birth stories (which she read here on the blog) and how we could most effectively get me the birth I wanted (and she met my doula).

It's such a huge difference--I feel like a person, not a patient. My kids feel welcome and I'm really looking forward to birthing there. I don't feel like I have to make a plan to protect myself from staff--I know the 'staff.' It's my midwife, her assistant and my doula. It won't be whoever's on call at the time with mostly nurses taking care of me with the luck of the draw.

So, for me, there's been a huge difference and definitely a greater happiness and satisfaction with my care in this pregnancy. Not just the difference of a midwife, but the right midwife. And that's something I wouldn't trade for anything right now.

Wordless Wednesday: Pregnancy

2011-07-20T13:27:00.004-05:00

In labor with Naomi, 39 weeks, 5 days

these shots captured a contraction as it happened

My Night Weaning Journey

2011-07-16T13:08:00.005-05:00

This post was originally published on May 5, 2009 at 2:21 PM on CafeMom. It has been edited to better suit our situation now.

I've had to rewrite this so many times that I decided it was time to just copy/paste it here (edit: I've rewritten it a bit for this blog). My decision to night wean Lilly was brought on by pregnancy--I experienced severe aversion at night and finally had to try, but was unwilling to continue if my little girl experienced any distress from it. She was around 20 months:

What I did was start telling her (she called nursing and my breasts "nummas" at the time) "The nummas are sleeping". We started incorporating saying good-night to the nummas into the good-nights of our bedtime ritual and that's when she'd stop for the night (then we'd cuddle to sleep from there). The first two nights, she woke up and wanted to nurse--the first time, she wasn't okay with the nummas sleeping, so I "woke one up" and she nursed back to sleep. That was the only time she cried about it (she whined a couple times, but I distracted and cuddled her--she began demanding cuddles instead) and not to the point of tears. The next night, she woke a couple times, but accepted that they were asleep. The next night, she didn't wake up at all.

I was only planning to test the waters, to see if it was okay with her, because I didn't want to force her into anything she wasn't ready for, but she was clearly ready. That's how we gently night weaned. And I had every intention of stopping the attempt if it distressed her.

Dad was not involved because she needed the comfort to come from me. But he could put her to bed only a couple months later if he needed to (although he goes to bed before everyone else, so that's not really a thing anymore). By the time this post was written, she even put herself to bed.

She regressed and needed to night nurse again, so we started again (since I was already up nursing her sister, it didn't bother me at all) but it worked while I needed it to and if her sister wasn't waking her up at night, I knew she'd still have be night weaned. Within a few months of this post originally being written, she night weaned again, this time on her own.

Naomi night weaned on her own around her second birthday. I thought I'd try to night wean her like her sister--it never happened. It was like she sensed it every time I thought about it and went on nursing frenzies, so I stopped thinking about it and slowly, she stopped on her own.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-06T05:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the First Annual Freedom of Cloth Carnival

This post was written for inclusion in the Freedom of Cloth Carnival hosted at Natural Parents Network by Melissa of The New Mommy Files and Shannon of The Artful Mama. This year’s carnival will run from Sunday, July 3rd through Saturday, July 9th. Participants are sharing everything they know and love about cloth diapering, including how cloth has inspired them.

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Visit Natural Parents Network for the most up-to-date news on the Freedom of Cloth Carnival!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants on the following themes. Articles will go live on the scheduled theme day:

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011: Cloth Related Recipes — Writers share their best cloth-related recipes and tutorials.

Monday, July 4th, 2011: Choosing Your Cloth Style — Today’s posts discuss parents' individual journeys to finding the cloth diapering "style" that best suits their families.

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011: Cloth Diapering Must Haves — Parents talk about the most important items in their diapering “stash” and why they love them.

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011: Wordless Wednesday, Inspired by Cloth — We asked parents to share their favorite cloth-related photo with us and turned them into a fluffy Wordless Wednesday photo montage on Natural Parents Network. Link up your own Wordless Wednesday post there!

Thursday, July 7th, 2011: Cloth Through the Stages: From Infancy to Potty Independence — Today’s participants explain how cloth diapering has served their families throughout one or more stages of their children’s lives.

Friday, July 8th, 2011: Cloth Troubleshooting and Laundry Day — Seasoned cloth diapering parents share their best tips and tricks for handling common cloth problems and tackling the diaper laundry.

Saturday, July 9th, 2011: Inspired by Cloth — For today’s theme, we’ve asked writers to explore the ways cloth diapering has inspired them to become "greener" overall.

Cloth Diapers, Oh, My!

2011-07-04T09:38:00.003-05:00

Welcome to the First Annual Freedom of Cloth Carnival

This post was written for inclusion in the Freedom of Cloth Carnival hosted at Natural Parents Network by Melissa of The New Mommy Files and Shannon of The Artful Mama. This year’s carnival will run from Sunday, July 3rd through Saturday, July 9th. Participants are sharing everything they know and love about cloth diapering, including how cloth has inspired them.

* * *

So, for the Natural Parents Network's Freedom of Cloth Carnival submission, I thought I'd talk about my journey to cloth diapering and finding what worked for me.

I used to be one of those women who was grossed out by the idea of cloth diapers. Then I found out more about them and while I wasn't grossed out anymore, I did think they sounded like too much work. I kept thinking, though, just how cute they were. Still, I couldn't see myself doing all that laundry.

Then came the test: a local mama was done with diapers and was giving away her stash. I decided to give them a try. I scored four free medium Fuzzibunz from her. None of the original inserts were with them, but some microfiber towels. I just got a bag of them and had no clue what to do. Or so I assumed--she had thoughtfully stuffed one with a tri-folded insert, which taught me how to do it.

I wanted to try them because my little girl was starting to potty learn and I'd heard that switching to cloth was supposed to help. I figured, at the very least, it would save me some money on disposables.

I had no idea what I'd gotten into!

pictured: adorable Blueberry pocket diaper.

They had already gone through more than one kid, so they weren't new and they were pretty simple, but they certainly worked. And laundry was far easier than I was expecting. Yes, I had more to do, but honestly, I barely noticed.

So I started getting more.

At first, I stuck to what I knew: Fuzzibunz pockets. I used a bunch of internet deals and basically extreme couponed my way to a free small stash. The first I got was a pink gingham Fuzzibunz pocket diaper that was one of the softest things I'd ever felt.

As you can see, my daughter liked it, too. I also obtained a couple AIOs (all-in-ones: basically, the cloth version of the disposable diaper, only washable) and some Blueberry pockets. Finally, I got an AI2 (all-in-two, which means an insert that lies on top of the cover) by Cuddlebug Cloth, who was a WAHM (work at home mom).

Over time, I obtained all sorts of brands--BumGenius (I love OneSize diapers!), Kangababy, Haute Pockets, Kushies and a variety of different diapers made by WAHMs. There were several other brands along the way as I moved from one to two daughters (and my first totally potty learned shortly after her sister was born) and all of them had pluses and negatives (I really liked the one that zipped from the outside, so I never touched poop when unstuffing!). My second daughter started on cloth as soon as she was big enough to fit into the smallest diapers I had (BumGenius, actually!).

My second DD in a cute Canadian diaper

I wasn't a big fan of AIOs when it came time to wash them. They became the pest that I imagined cloth diapers to be, because they took forever to dry. I think that AI2s were actually my favorite. No stuffing and the cover could be reused as long as the insert didn't leak through to it and she didn't poop.

My early stash--mostly fuzzibunz with a BG and my batik-pattern AI2 in the middle.

However, I definitely still favor pockets. They are the type I look for first and the best diapers I had were pocket diapers made by a WAHM. I had one fitted diaper that I used as an insert, basically, in my AI2 cover and later in my gDiapers (which I'd call an AI2 if not for the third part--the little plastic liner). I never did use any flushable inserts with my gDiapers, but I enjoyed having the option.

A quick after posting add on: You'll notice I don't have woolies on here in my list of things I've tried. There's a few reasons (and refers specifically to sheep wool): 1. I despise wool. Touching it makes me have to rub my hands on as many things as I can to get the sensation off (much like some people feel about microfiber). 2. I'm allergic and a lot of handling will lead to me breaking out. 3. Finally, most harvesters are horribly cruel to the sheep--leaving them bleeding and injured after. Obviously, this is absolutely unnecessary and as a result, I won't support the practice.

my most recent 'stash' pic, taken a couple years ago--yes, that's a black diaper!

As I look at building a stash for the baby on the way, pockets are high on my list, but I will certainly be looking for more AI2s.

* * *

Visit Natural Parents Network for the most up-to-date news on the Freedom of Cloth Carnival!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants on the following themes. Articles will go live on the scheduled theme day:

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011: Cloth Related Recipes — Writers share their best cloth-related recipes and tutorials.

Monday, July 4th, 2011: Choosing Your Cloth Style — Today’s posts discuss parents' individual journeys to finding the cloth diapering "style" that best suits their families.

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011: Cloth Diapering Must Haves — Parents talk about the most important items in their diapering “stash” and why they love them.

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011: Wordless Wednesday, Inspired by Cloth — We asked parents to share their favorite cloth-related photo with us and turned them into a fluffy Wordless Wednesday photo montage on Natural Parents Network. Link up your own Wordless Wednesday post there!

Thursday, July 7th, 2011: Cloth Through the Stages: From Infancy to Potty Independence — Today’s participants explain how cloth diapering has served their families throughout one or more stages of their children’s lives.

Friday, July 8th, 2011: Cloth Troubleshooting and Laundry Day — Seasoned cloth diapering parents share their best tips and tricks for handling common cloth problems and tackling the diaper laundry.

Saturday, July 9th, 2011: Inspired by Cloth — For today’s theme, we’ve asked writers to explore the ways cloth diapering has inspired them to become "greener" overall.

Spirit Baby

2011-06-30T13:50:00.008-05:00

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In November, 2007, I lost a baby for the first time. It's one thing to worry about it happening and quite another to have it happen. I had good, compassionate friends who knew to not say any of the hurtful platitudes that people tend to say in their helplessness (hint: no one wants to hear how it could have been prevented, that it was inevitable, that their baby was anything other than a baby or that a dead baby could ever be 'for the best' -- please don't say any of these things to a grieving parent).

One person was even kind enough to share a story that helped with her own miscarriage, which I'm going to share here, for all the moms who might find comfort in it.

Spirit Baby (excerpt from The Baby Catcher)

Colin, my twelve-year-old son, discovered me late one rainy afternoon sitting at the kitchen table, a damp Kleenex crumpled in my left hand, wiping my eyes as I tried to compose myself for his sake. It was the third week of January, two months after I’d miscarried a pregnancy, but I still found it impossible to get through a day without at least one meltdown into misery.

...

Colin asked, "Are you crying about the baby?" and when I nodded tearfully, he said, "Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it’s a Spirit Baby, and you should be its mother."

I must have looked puzzled because he said, "Don’t you know about Spirit Babies? How could I know about them if you don’t? I mean, you’re my mom!" But he could see my perplexity.

So my first child, this not-yet-teenaged boy, pulled a wooden chair to my side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here’s how it is. See, I was one myself, so that must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she gets pregnant, then that’s the baby that’s born. If she doesn’t get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the baby’s born…now listen, Mom, because here’s the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it’s always first in line. Isn’t that great?

"So you just have to get pregnant again, and you’ll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don’t, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman’s circle, and it’ll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born.

"But it’d be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really. I’ve always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I’m talking about here, Mom."

(the story goes on that several months later, she did finally decide to try again and conceived her 'spirit baby', for 'the joy of it'--to quote her ' tweenage' children)

Red Cabbage Gender Test

2011-06-22T23:34:00.000-05:00

So, one of the more scientific old wives' tales out there for gender prediction is the red cabbage test. Intelligender is an expensive test you can waste $40 on that operates on the exact same principle--with less accurate results! The idea behind is is that red cabbage juice (made from boiling the chopped cabbage) is a pretty accurate test of pH. Kids even use it in school as an easy, cheap science experiment. First, how to do the test:

You get a head of red cabbage (size doesn't matter and I only used half a head), add water (I boiled it in a kettle, then set it on the burner) and boil it for 10 minutes. Take it off heat and go pee in a cup (I'd suggest using a clear plastic cup, but a glass works, too if you don't mind that it's had pee in it). Draw the blue-violet water out of the cabbage pot and measure it equal to the urine (I drew it with a coffee mug, let it cool, then added it to an identical clear cup and eyeballed the measurement side by side). Then add the cabbage water (which my husband called pot liquor, which amuses me, since he's from California and I'm from Missouri and never heard that term, but it's supposed to be a 'country' term) to the urine. Some places say to use a third cup, but there's no reason not to just pour the cabbage juice into the pee.

Now, you'll have a new color. A purple color indicates a girl result and a pink color (resembling cranberry juice) indicates a boy result.

So, this works to identify male urine versus female urine. The idea is that if you're carrying a boy, he will influence the pH of your pee. If you're carrying a girl, she can't influence it, since you're already a girl.

I am awaiting my ultrasound and am antsy to see my baby and find out the gender, so I finally broke down and bought a cabbage. This test is really recommended for 10-16 weeks (I assume because most people start finding out after that), but I'm 19, almost 20 weeks and couldn't wait anymore.

So, when my 4 year old daughter decided to use the toddler potty while I was using the main toilet, I snaked some of her pee off to test, so I have a control for "girl" as well as the control cabbage juice, of course.

First, I'll show a picture of this test someone else did (if you recognize your picture, please feel free to message me for credit!) with a control (left), girl's urine (middle) and boy's urine (right):

Okay, so here's my daughter's pee (right), next to the control (left):

And on its own, to get a shot of the purple color (the red square is my camera reflection):

Now, I didn't take pictures of my first test, because I was so eager to do it, it didn't occur to me, so I repeated the test later and got the same results (it made a LOT of juice!):

And close up on the color:

Now, since the test is supposed to be done with first morning urine (FMU), I took another test this morning--and the results were instantaneous this time and very clear:

Sorry about how bright they are--I just have a little point and shoot and this was the ideal distance to get their color--anything further away and they all looked almost black in the pictures and I wanted to use the raw pictures. I got a very clear 'boy' result. Will we be welcoming our first son in November?

For other old wives' tales, I've taken an online quiz that combines many of them (baby position, morning sickness, cravings, etc.) and got a 'boy' result; a heart rate predictor that used the average for gestation age instead of the overall pregnancy average: boy again. According to the Chinese gender prediction chart, this is a girl.

So, this was written on my birthday: June 17th. The rest of the blog will be written after my ultrasound, to find out if the test was accurate (as I find it frustrating to see these posts and not know if they were right or not!).

Well, my utrasound was today and according to the ultrasound--the red cabbage test is...

Wrong.

We're expecting a little girl in November!

Infertility depression

2011-06-20T14:00:00.002-05:00

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So, to start, I'm not just discussing long-term infertility, but also the short-term, secondary, etc. While it's definitely traumatizing to be waiting years, it's also traumatizing for many women to be waiting months. After all, those who did wait years started out waiting months, too. Here, I'm also only discussing from a woman's point of view. I know men go through quite a bit as well, but lacking the personal experience, I'll leave that up to a dad to write.

During this time, all sorts of thoughts can go through your head. Feelings of inadequacy aren't uncommon and neither is depression. It starts with the trying to conceive (TTC) cycle. First, there's excitement, as we finally decide to try. We know it might not happen right away, so we first just stop any birth control measures that might have been in use and just enjoy sex au natural.

After that doesn't work, we start timing. Some people buy ovulation predictor kits (OPKs) and some watch for signs of fertility (cervical fluid, maybe mild cramping--mittelschmerz). Others start charting their temperatures and many do all at once.

We hear the stats--two healthy, fully fertile people have about a 25% of conception in any given month. Okay, so, a few months have passed, this month should be it! We're doing everything right--we know when we're ovulating, we're going at it like bunnies on a schedule (some every day, some every other day in an attempt to give the sperm a chance to build up) and we're still not getting pregnant.

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Doubts, that many of us already carried, perhaps in silence, for a long time, start to surface--"Can I even get pregnant at all?" Many women, especially those who successfully use birth control for a long time, actually worry that they may not be able to have children, though they have no real reason to feel that way. Sometimes it's a real, conscious concern or fear, sometimes it's subconscious, only waking up when the reality of actually trying to conceive arrives.

Often, what follows is depression. For me, I felt disconnected from the living world. I couldn't do the most basic of life tasks--reproduce. It made me feel broken, like I was really dead inside and something was seriously wrong with me. I watched other women with their bellies ballooning, bemoaning their human fertility and it hurt. It hurt a lot.

Every time someone talked about being 'afraid' of being pregnant, I wanted to scream at them to just give me the baby. I wanted the baby, don't be afraid, don't worry, just hand it over! Of course, instead, I tried to be supportive, while inside, I hated them a little in my pain.

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Now, from here, women go many different ways. Some just keep trying naturally, hoping that some day, it will just happen. Some because they don't have money for anything else (fertility treatments are expensive!), some don't believe in interfering with nature and some just really, really want it to come from them.

Others go on to schedule workups to find out what's not working--many hope that it's their husbands and not them. Some try more natural approaches with herbs or supplements. And others make the decision to stop trying to conceive entirely and move onto looking into adoption.

From there, some go on for fertility treatments and more still move onto adoption options. And across the board of the women in treatments, using natural help and just keeping on the old fashioned way, women start getting pregnant: Finally!

Now, many recover and their spirits fly at this point. They've succeeded! However, many others continue to suffer from depression into the pregnancy. For me, I was unable to believe that I was really pregnant. I tried to find causes of positive pregnancy tests outside of pregnancy. The only one that seemed to fit my symptoms was a tumor. So, while I carefully nurtured my body in case I was wrong, I inwardly braced myself to face the big C.

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This manifests in other ways for other women. However, it can lead to a distinct inability to bond in many women, for many months. You might not be able to believe you're pregnant, even when you're going through all the motions of nourishing a pregnancy. The depression that came from all those months of unsuccessfully TTC can utterly spoil what was supposed to be a joyous time in your life. Something you were waiting months or years for. Something very special.

This depression can persist throughout pregnancy and a little beyond, especially if you have a highly medicalized birth. If you experienced pregnancy or birth loss in the past, it can increase the problems quite a bit. Of course, the depression and bonding difficulties don't dampen any of the feelings of loss if the pregnancy ends unexpectedly.It could even make them worse.

Most women start bonding and recovering from the depression during milestones in pregnancy. The quickening is a big one--feeling the baby move, really move around in there, can push through that infertility depression fog. Sometimes, the first time mom hears the heartbeat makes it all real and connects her to the little life growing inside. Other mothers find comfort in a routine ultrasound showing them their active little bumper is really and truly a baby. Others still find random triggers, some not even related to pregnancy, that lead to pushing through the fog. Finally, the big show--birth--may be what it takes to really chase away those issues.

This post was really written to let other moms know: you're not alone. This is a problem that affects many, many women. It's not a sign that anything is wrong with you--it's a kind of traumatic response, even a defensive mechanism. It will eventually pass. However, my friend Dionna at Code Name: Mama has some great suggestions if you're currently pregnant and going through this, that might be helfpul.

Living Respectfully With Children

2011-06-13T19:51:00.011-05:00

So much mainstream parenting is disrespectful to children, but our society, in its attempt not to offend people we don't even know, for reasons we don't often understand, points no light at this. It's not okay to offend the guy three houses down by walking outside topless (if you're a woman or an overweight man), but it's okay to tell a child that their idea is irrelevant, take their property (and yes, once it's given to them, regardless of where it came from, it's theirs--after all, your gifts are yours, are they not? Not 'on loan' from the gift giver?) without permission and give it away, sell it, throw it away, etc., control them through fear and pain, interrupt what they're doing or saying and utterly dismiss them as people.

I don't agree that that's okay (but you saw that coming).

Children are people. Yes, sometimes they're annoying people. Yes, they have very simple ideas and they come up with things that we learned (as children) just don't work. Because everything is new to them!

above: flashlights and giant dandelions: things that were once top dollar entertainment

We lay expectations down on our children that are impossible for the average adult to live up to. Children are often discouraged from joining adult conversations, expected to sit still while their little legs are aching for exercise, overridden in their food choices (I'm not talking about wanting ice cream for a main course, I'm talking about the tremendous disrespect of forcing them to order from the children's menu, even if there is nothing there that they want, just because it's cheaper--which it isn't always!)... and that's just a typical restaurant experience for a child. Is it any wonder that kids are often crying at the table with frustrated parents? How would you act if those were the expectations set forth for you?

Next, how about the bathroom? This isn't parental, but a way that society disrespects children. Bathrooms in most places, even 'family friendly' places rarely have toilets that are close to the ground, nor sinks, so young, potty learning/training children have their independence taken from them (and while most kids are used to this--some of us with two year olds know how important that tiny independence is to them!).

Now, this is also a disservice to most adults, though we don't know it--toilets lower to the ground are actually easier on our bodies for going number two. So it would benefit both children and adults to have a couple short potties in each bathroom. And a short sink would save mom/dad's back from having to hold the kid up! (I just stick mine on the counter and let them do it themselves, then I have to clean the counter after.)

Now, the phrase that really got me going on this very long tangent (there are so very many things that could be listed in how the world is unfair to its shortest, newest citizens): Pick your battles. Now, this is good advice on one hand, but the terminology... as though children are on one side and parents on another! Children don't want to fight battles.

They want to have control over their own lives, just like you and me. Unfortunately, they don't have the life experience or education to make the best decisions in all things, so we do occasionally have to redirect and take over. Maybe it's to keep them safe or maybe it's to keep life running smoothly for everyone in the family.

Because a family is a working unit. For it to work properly and exist happily, everyone must have their basic needs met and have equal respect for each other. Just as we can't just run over a child's autonomy or choices, they need to respect ours and a balance has to be found to keep the family in working order. That varies for every family.

Personally, I think a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself: "How would I respond if this was my sister's child? My neighbor's? A stranger's?" Then, compare it to, "How would I respond if this was my roommate? My best friend? My spouse? My mother?" Look at the differences in your answers for each situation. Then ask, "How would I want someone to respond if this were me?"

Be honest. No one in their right mind is honestly going to answer, "Gee, I would want them to hit me," or "I'd want them to take away my television/Netflix/computer/whatever." Sure, we might joke, "Slap/shoot me if I ever..." but we don't intend for it to be taken seriously. We mean: confront us with what we've done and remind us why that's a bad idea. If someone took our property, we'd be pissed off--after all, it would make no sense and we'd see it as a lack of respect and a violation. Kids are no different there.

Now, after you have your answer, add in your child's personality and what you know about them. Try to think why they are doing whatever it is that's annoyed you enough to react (hint: the answer is not actually 'just to annoy' you--if they want to annoy you, then something else has already come up and not been addressed). Why are you reacting? What is your concern with their action? If your answer involves, "What will other people think?" then you need to rethink. That is a bad reason in general.

From there, you will have a lot more compassionate, reasonable and respectful approach to the situation and be on a better road to living respectfully with your child/ren. This is important because children learn from what they see much more than they learn from what they hear. If they see you consistently demonstrating respect, then they are much more likely to return it and know how to react respectfully in the future.

And if you fail now and then? Then you're human, just like the rest of us. But it's a good place to start and a good goal to have.

One last tip: Let them stop and smell the roses if you don't have an appointment. Yes, it's five more minutes until you could be on the internet or prepping dinner or whatever. However, if our kids can 'wait a minute' for us, then we should return the courtesy now and then.

The Donor Milk Dilemma

2011-06-09T14:26:00.000-05:00

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Okay, hard truth first: Formula is not as good as human milk. Formula is rated fourth in the hierarchy for infant nutrition (Mom's milk, mom's pumped milk, milk from another mama, then formula) and should only be used for babies with galactosemia or any other reason that they cannot consume human milk.

Human milk is the standard of human infant and toddler nutrition. Formula is inferior, plain and simple. It has its place and can be useful, but it should not be the first option when breastfeeding/pumping cannot happen. If you cannot breastfeed, it does not follow that you must use formula.

Donor milk should be the first option after mother cannot provide the milk that baby needs. However, if you say that to most women, what is their first reaction?

"Eww! No way!"

Why? Why do we distrust other women so much as to assume that their milk is inferior to formula, when it was perfect for their own children? The risk of disease from donor milk is lower than the risk of formula contamination. But many women cannot be persuaded of this. Why?

"Women are dirty. Women's bodies are dirty."

This is a prevailing attitude in our society. It is illegal to show breasts outside your home, though men can show their nipples legally. It comes from puritanical thinking and the old "Eve committed original sin" attitude. Which is just plain ridiculous. It's the same reason that women think that childbirth must be a painful ordeal, despite the absence of pain in uncomplicated births in cultures that have not been exposed to this concept.

Women are adversarial to other women. They don't trust them. So, regardless of the fact that women go through the same STD checks in pregnancy and that donors are routinely screened, women refuse to accept that another woman's milk is clean. Sometimes, they cannot accept that another woman can do something that they cannot. Their competitive nature causes them to become resentful and aggressively reject that which they feel they cannot do.

Some women are so misogynistic that the thought of anything coming from a breast is 'dirty' -- even if it's their own! This is usually an attitude held by only the most immature mothers, though.

Many women tout themselves as 'victims' because they either made a choice not to breastfeed or were unable to, for whatever reason. But the real victims here are the babies, being given an inferior food substitute because of a cultural stigma against women's bodies.

Yes, some of it is the backlash of the medical germaphobe: 'all bodily fluids are infected with an unknown number of virulent diseases just waiting to pounce.' But even with that, there is still an imbalance, as formula is actually more bacteria-laden and research shows a greater risk of infection from it.

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I'm not saying women shouldn't have a choice. I am saying that formula should not be the first choice to follow. I'm saying that the cultural stigma against women needs to end. The hidden misogyny in our society needs to end. Only then can there be increased access to a variety of donor milk so that all babies who can safely consume human milk have access to it.

Musing on Kitties

2011-06-04T00:18:00.010-05:00

Because we all know that the internet is powered by adorable and funny cat pictures, it's about time I paid my dues.

No joke, this ^ was voluntary.

^ This was her 'safe place' when we would leave to go anywhere (and this picture won a contest once upon a time!).

Serephina was contemplating sending Brat to Abu Dhabi. ^

And some of our foster kittens...

So, there, internet. Caption away or just enjoy the kitties.

AAP Surprises

2011-05-20T14:51:00.012-05:00

There are a few things you may not know are recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics. Some people get outdated information and others simply misunderstand the language. Here are a couple things that are not considered mainstream (but should be!) that the AAP, who is supposed to be the mainstream 'go-to' (especially for pediatricians) recommends.

Cosleeping

The first thing that comes to most minds when they hear "cosleeping" is baby in the parents' bed. But really, that's just one type of cosleeping, referred to as 'bed sharing' to be specific. Another form is to have baby in a crib or cosleeper attached to the bed and yet another is to have the crib in the parents room. The AAP actually recommends that babies spend the first six months of life in their parents' room, in a separate sleeping area (a bassinet, cosleeper or crib). This benefits both the research that cosleeping is better for babies and crib manufacturers, who hate those studies. "Mother and infant should sleepin proximity to each other tofacilitate breastfeeding."

Rear-facing for Two Years (and beyond!)

Her chest clip needs to be adjusted a little bit here, but this is Lilly, rear-facing at 2 1/2.

The AAP advises parents to keep kids rear-facing as long as possible, up to the maximum limit of the car seat. The current (new) minimum recommendation is now 2 years. Most people aren't aware that this is the recommendation, because they have been following the minimum law (if at all), much to the potential detriment of their children. Children under 2 who are rear-facing are 75% less likely to be fatally injured in a car accident.

Feed On Cue, Not Schedule

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There are repeated comments on this in the official AAP guidelines, from "Cryingis a late indicator of hunger," to "During the early weeksof breastfeeding, mothers should be encouragedto have 8 to12 feedings at the breast every 24 hours, offeringthe breastwhenever the infant shows early signs of hunger suchas increasedalertness, physical activity, mouthing, or rooting."

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Breastfeeding Past the First Year

The AAP's official stance: "There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeedingandno evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeedinginto the third year of life or longer."

So there you have a few things you may not have know that the AAP recommends.

Don't Schedule Cesareans for Breech babies!

2011-05-14T23:50:00.006-05:00

Breech presentation is not a valid reason to schedule a cesarean. Yet, whenever a care provider finds a baby in the breech position in the last few weeks before the EDD, they ask the parents to pick their baby's birth day.

Now, people consider breech presentation one of the main reasons to have a cesarean. However, while I'll agree that with the prevailing ignorance of the average obstetrician in catching breech babies, in the hospital, it may be safer to have a cesarean--if the baby is presenting breech in labor.

Babies can turn in the womb as late as in active labor, into a vertex, or head down position. So, scheduling a cesarean is foolish, especially if it's scheduled before your EDD. An EDD is not a good measure of when the baby is coming, unless you see it as the middle of the average: 38-42 weeks. So, scheduling a cesarean for 38 weeks is not a good idea unless you have full placenta previa or another reason that labor must be avoided.

Ideally, you should go on with a breech pregnancy with the belief that baby will turn. You can use the techniques at Spinning Babies to help a stubborn baby point in the right direction. If you are approaching the big day and you've tried positions, inversions, chiropractic care, shining a light down low, etc. and baby is still breech, many obstetricians can perform what is called an external cephalic version.

A version should be a last resort, as it is uncomfortable and comes with its own set of risks, including PROM (premature rupture of membranes), premature labor, bleeding and fetal distress leading to the need for an emergency cesarean. The success rate is around 65%.

Ideally, you will have a care provider who is trained in breech vaginal birth, which 70% of breech babies are candidates for. This is not a 'new' thing. In fact, it is an old skill that has been virtually lost with the popularity of the cesarean. A transverse baby is a definite risk out--you can't birth a baby shoulder first! Footling breech is considered too dangerous by most care providers to attempt a vaginal breech birth. Baby breathes through the cord and it can become dangerously compressed in a breech birth. The likelihood of this in a footling breech is 15-18%.

Frank breech is the ideal for a vaginal breech, as the baby's legs protect the cord. In full-term, vertex babies, 0.4% suffer from cord prolapse. In frank breech, 0.5% will experience this complication. So, you can see the rate is very similar. The next risk comes with complete breech babies, which have a compression rate of 4-6%, a significant rise, though not as dangerous as footling breech.

Ideally, you should give baby time in labor to finally turn vertex. At the worst, if you end up with a cesarean due to an unsafe breech position that will not resolve or you are uncomfortable with the risk of breech vaginal birth, you will have given your baby all the time he or she needed to 'cook' and even a brief trial of labor can give the baby the benefits of labor, which prepares the baby for life on the 'outside.' At best, your baby will turn in early labor and you will go on to have the birth that you desired and that gives your baby the best start in life.

At the very least, you should research your options and remember that you have the right to make this choice! A cesarean is major abdominal surgery. As common as it is, so are complications--for both you and baby. Scheduled cesareans may be more convenient, but they are not safer than vaginal birth (except when labor would be dangerous in the first place).

Happy Birthing!

ADHD Doesn't Need a Cure

2011-05-10T11:12:00.005-05:00

Some of this is lacking coherent transitions, please forgive my pregnant brain. I also probably should cut off most of the end, but I wanted to get all my thoughts on this subject out in just one entry.

Something that comes up as often as people looking for a cause for autism is a cause for ADHD. Because if there's a cause, like some kind of infection, it can be rooted out and cured. But I don't believe that. I don't believe it's as simple as people want it to be. If you've read any older literature, you know ADHD has been around longer than televisions, ultrasounds, vaccines and artificial dyes. It's not likely any more prevalent today than it was 200 years ago--we just have a name for it now. A 'diagnosis' and a 'fix' (or twenty). When you look for something, you are much more likely to find it than you are when you don't even know it exists.

There's a story that was told by Sir Ken Robinson at a TED talk in 2006:

“And the third thing about intelligence is that it's distinct. I'm doing a new book at the moment called Epiphany, which is based on a series of interviews with people about how they discovered their talent and actually about how people got to be there. It was really prompted by a conversation I had with a wonderful woman who most people have never heard of; she’s called Gillian Lynne. … She's a choreographer, and everybody knows her work. She did Cats and Phantom of the Opera. …

"Gillian and I had lunch one day, and I said, 'How did you get to be a dancer?' She said it was interesting. When she was at school, she was really hopeless. And the school in the 30’s wrote to her parents and said, 'We think Gillian has a learning disorder.' She couldn’t concentrate; she was fidgeting. I think now they'd say she had ADHD. Wouldn’t you? But this was the 1930s, and ADHD hadn't been invented at this point. It wasn't an available condition. People weren't aware they could have that.

"Anyway, she went to see this specialist … She sat on her hands for twenty minutes while this man talked to her mother about all the problems Gillian was having at school. … In the end, the doctor went and sat next to Gillian and said, 'Gillian, I've listened to all these things that your mother's told me. I need now to speak to her privately. Wait here; we'll be back. We won't be very long.' And they went and left her.

"As they went out of the room, he turned on the radio sitting on his desk. When they got out of the room, he said to her mother, 'Just stand and watch her.' The minute they left the room, she said she was on her feet, moving to the music. They watched for a few minutes, and he turned to her mother and said, 'You know, Mrs. Lynne, Gillian isn't sick. She's a dancer. Take her to a dance school.'

"I said 'What happened?' and she said, 'She did. I can't tell you how wonderful it was. We walked into this room, and it was full of people like me: people who couldn’t sit still, people who had to move to think.' … She was eventually auditioned for the Royal Ballet School; she became a soloist; she had a wonderful career at the Royal Ballet. She eventually graduated from the Royal Ballet School and found her own company, the Gillian Lynne Dance Company and met Andrew Lloyd Webber. She's been responsible for some of the most successful musical theater productions in history; she's given pleasure to millions, and she's a multimillionaire. Somebody else might have put her on medication and told her to calm down."*

This principal is trying to work to change people's views on ADHD, which I think really needs to be the goal. The perspective on ADHD needs changing, not the children. It's very defeating to hear that you are a 'problem' that needs to be 'fixed.' Especially when that problem is the way your mind works.

I, too, can think most effectively when I'm in motion--or when I have everything else in the world shut out through music. I put on headphones, point myself at a computer and words pour out by the thousands--no exaggeration. I wrote an entire book in a matter of weeks doing this. I'm only just now learning how to work with the way I think, because I wasn't given the chance to adapt and adjust and know my own mind, from a short time after I was diagnosed with ADHD.

We all know ADHD is highly over-diagnosed. But I think there is a secondary problem, too: a 'mimic' condition that presents as ADHD, but does have a cause. Like heavy metal toxicity emulating autism and being curable, some children diagnosed with ADHD can be 'cured' by adjusting their diet. This isn't a new idea, I first heard about it in the 90s. But I've also seen this strategy fail and it's not a cure-all for ADHD. Because there isn't one.

Because it doesn't need to be 'cured.'

Now, I don't have grandiose ideas about how to help educators deal with the unique needs of children with ADHD. Frankly, I'm not a fan of public schools (largely due to my run in them) or any form of institutionalized schooling, for that matter. Particularly not for anyone with an unconventional mind. I'm not an unschooler, I believe in structured schooling. I think. Ask me when my four year old is closer to eight and maybe I'll have a more firm idea on that. I'm still new at this.

I know that children who must go to school must get along in school. But I strongly disagree that forcing them into patterns of instruction that they do not learn from and giving them drugs for the benefit of others and not the child receiving the drug is the answer. It's not. Concessions need to be made. I don't have the answers as to what--but I believe that's where ADHD research should be focused. Not on drugging away the special way that ADHD kids think, but in teaching educators how to use it, instead.

I think this is easiest for homeschooling families, as they have a wide berth to individualize their teaching and typically don't have 20+ students in one room, trying to learn the same thing. I know I've read at least one homeschooler's blog where she had adjusted for her two sons who have ADHD--they could do their work, right on track with peers, but needed to be able to move around while they did. I wish I could find that blog to link to it, she had such a wonderful outlook and great ideas on alternative education ideas.

Some parents refuse to get the child tested, for fear of a 'label.' I don't think that's helpful for everyone... I know how much labels hurt, but I also know that they help you to understand what's going on to adjust for it. Children without labels are equally stigmatized in school--they just don't get any compassion, either, because they're still going to be labeled: troublemakers. The problem is that some teachers automatically apply that label when they hear "ADHD" but many will have more empathy with the diagnostic label than just their own.

We can't stop teachers from being human. We shouldn't be trying to stop our children from it, either. I don't see ADHD as a psychiatric disorder--I see it as a personality trait. Yes, it's caused by chemical reactions in the brain being different from the average person. So what? We all have different chemical reactions in our brain. Some of us just have more obvious differences than others.

ADHD kids just think differently... and society needs to start thinking differently about ADHD.

*Here, you can watch the entire twenty minute talk, “Do schools kill creativity?” that this story was taken from (about 15 minutes in)

Only One Absolute in Pregnancy

2011-04-07T10:39:00.006-05:00

There's only one absolute in pregnancy and that is that the baby is going to come out eventually.

image courtesy of stockxchng

So, when we think about getting pregnant, we think of certain things immediately. Missed periods. Nausea. Strange cravings. Big bellies. Did you know that none of these are absolutes?

The missed period

Okay, so this really is an absolute in a way--no one has a 'period' while they are pregnant, in that they aren't shedding the uterine wall lining in preparation to begin the ovulation cycle again. However, many women experience vaginal bleeding that can mimic a period for a month or even the entire duration of pregnancy. So, some women don't know they're pregnant right away, because they think that their cycle is continuing. This is especially problematic for women who have never had a stable cycle.

"Morning Sickness"

It seems like most people know by now that morning sickness has nothing to do with the time of day for many women. The reason that some women only experience it first thing in the morning (and why 'remedies' include eating something carbohydrate-bearing before you get out of bed) is that it's often tied to blood sugar.

Many women never experience morning sickness.

So, this is, again, not an absolute sign of pregnancy or lack thereof. While some women are tortured with morning sickness their entire pregnancy, for most women, it vanishes somewhere between weeks 10-14, after the placenta starts picking up in week 10. Sometimes morning sickness just translates as a reduced or increased appetite (depending on the mom-t0-be).

Personally, I didn't have it until my second trimester with my first, had it horribly with my lost baby, none with my second daughter and this pregnancy has been a low level nausea for about 80% of my day on average.

Strange Cravings

If you say you want pickles and ice cream, someone will likely joke that you must be pregnant. However, aversions are possibly more common than cravings! Again, this is a symptom that some women just don't get (or don't notice if they do, especially if they're used to having weird taste). And not all cravings are of foods you wouldn't normally want--common food cravings include fruit or meat and have all sorts of old wives' tales surrounding them (usually about gender).

For the record, my pregnancy cravings have gone as follows: fruit like crazy with my first girl and meat and veggies with my second girl. This pregnancy has been all about the meat, potatoes and cereal. I could really go for Steak Monterrey right now with a baked potato and Frosted Flakes for dessert. But I could probably fill a journal with things that gross me out.

Big Bellies

This one is rather hard to escape. When people talk about women 'not showing' through their whole pregnancy or being able to hide it, they immediately assume that the woman must have been fat. Which is totally untrue. I have a friend who is very thin and it took her almost to 30 weeks before she 'popped' enough for it to be visible past her shirt. We all could see her adorable bump before, of course, because we knew what we were looking at--but to a stranger, she didn't really look very pregnant.

Of course, having some extra pounds on can obscure a developing baby bump. I once had two horrible women debate whether I was pregnant or just fat right in front of me at the grocery store when I was 8 months pregnant and feeling beautifully pregnant. After that, I got a "Baby" patch and safety pinned it to whatever shirt I was wearing. I can't tell you how much that still hurts my feelings.

However, some women, for some reason, just redistribute the weight in a way that they think they're putting on a little weight and it doesn't show in that distinctive basketball shape. A heavier woman is more likely to have this happen, but it certainly doesn't only happen to women with curves.

A Positive Pregnancy Test

False positives on pregnancy tests are very rare and happen mostly with +/- tests. Surprisingly, Dollar Store tests are often more reliable and can tell you pretty early if you're pregnant. However, false negatives happen far more often. That's right, you can get a negative pregnancy test and still be pregnant. Usually, it comes from testing too soon (because you ovulated later than you realized or you were just too excited to wait), but for some women, rarely, they just never get a positive pregnancy test.

I have a friend who never had a positive pregnancy test in her entire pregnancy. If you look it up, it happens enough that it's a 'thing', but there don't seem to be any statistics on this phenomenon. It's not a sign that you're going to miscarry, either. For some reason, some women just don't seem to pass hCG into their urine.

Now, reading all that, it might sound like there's just no way to prove you're not pregnant, but really, to have all of these happen at the same time is so unlikely as to be virtually impossible. A blood test can usually confirm pregnancy where urine tests can't and the vast majority of women will stop bleeding, get tired, moody, sore and nauseous. Still, other than the baby eventually coming out (which can take up to 45 weeks, by the way--though 42 is much more normal in a first time mom and 41 or less in moms who've had more than one), nothing is certain in pregnancy.

And yes, there was one woman, once, who, for some reason, carried a fetus for 46 years. However, she still went into labor--she was just frightened out of the hospital and her ectopic baby never came out--probably because it was never in the uterus to be expelled. Had she stayed, her baby would have been taken by cesarean. No one can know if the baby was even alive at that point, but it was a very strange occurrence. And the baby did come out, after her body finally decided it was tired of the charade and she got sick. Since this is the entry for oddities, it would be incomplete without mentioning her.

Oh, and just for the mention...

Nine Months

Pregnancy is considered to begin before you're actually pregnant, for the formula that people use to calculate the due date. I originally wrote "modern" due date, but it's not. It's actually several hundred years old and created by a botanist. However, it's because the menstrual cycle is much easier to track than ovulation. Ovulation can vary by a week easily, so unless you're charting your fertility, you might not be ovulating when you think you are.

So, you are pregnant for two weeks before you get pregnant. Women who chart their cycles would do better, when reporting their LMP (last menstrual period) to simply go back two weeks from their ovulation date and list that date as their LMP. So, the EDD is 38 weeks from ovulation/conception, basically.

Still, "nine months" is 36 weeks, since pregnancy is charted by lunar months, not calendar. Since we are supposed to be pregnant for 40 weeks (give or take 2-4 weeks), that is actually ten months. "Nine months" really comes from the calendar, more than an accurate measure of months. The number of months pregnant you are is divided by four weeks--not what month it is, so it's more accurate to say that pregnancy lasts ten months, but you're typically only aware of it for nine of those months anyway.

So there you have it. There's only one absolute in pregnancy and that is that the baby will come out. Unless you're that one lady in Morocco.

I'm Different

2011-03-29T21:42:00.004-05:00

Every time I read about a postpartum guideline, I think how very sad I would be to be treated that way. The most recent was about limiting the visit to 15 minutes like a time nazi. I would feel so dismissed and like I wasn't worth my visitor's time--like I was putting them out--if someone did that to me. Yes, there are times where I want short visits, but if I actually invite someone over for a visit (very rare in the first place), 15 minutes isn't going to cut it.

I am a social person. I hate how isolated I felt after the birth of my second. I didn't want to be alone with her (especially switching from one baby to two!). I have no problem nursing around people (so if you're around me, you have no problem with it either, or we won't be seeing each other much). I loved having my MIL come out to see the kids after they were born--and we didn't use to get along at all. And one of the highlights after Naomi was born was the baby shower a few days later.

If you're just dropping something off, someone will meet you at the door or your car, lol. But don't be scared to invite me out just because I just had a baby. I'll say no if I'm not up to it. But don't just squee and run. I like to share my babymoon. Maybe I'll feel different after I finally get a natural birth. Only time will tell.

Mostly, this was so I'd quit wanting to post frowny faces on all those guides!

Are those guides accurate for you? Did you want people to just leave you and your baby alone during your babymoon?

Hi, everybody

2011-03-24T13:23:00.004-05:00

Sorry about dropping off the face of the earth, but I've been a bit busy... creating life.

I'm 7 weeks, 5 days pregnant. Remarkably, I got pregnant on the first try. We didn't think that would ever happen. My first little girl took 18 months of trying before I gave up--right after getting pregnant ;) My second was 8 months with two losses in the meantime and required supplements. So, I'm going to be a nervous Nellie for who-knows-how-long while I go from pregnancy milestone to milestone.

I'm having a yucky first trimester, but since a friend has hypermesis gravardium (where you puke endlessly, end up having to go to the hospital to be hydrated, etc.), I don't really see it as that bad. I take morning sickness vitamins and have only puked once, even if I spend about 80% of my waking time feeling like I'm going to and being afraid of it, because I'm exhausted, weak and can barely tolerate much food.

On the night I ovulated, I had a dream. This dream was so interesting that I overslept and had to tell a friend all about it. I wrote it down as a micro-fiction and that friend told me I should make it into a book. I laughed, because that seemed so silly, but the worm was in my head and I decided to write a short story.

Exactly 3 weeks later, I had over 100,000 words--a full novel. I wrote an average of 5,000 words a day (my daily goal) and put in 8-14 hour days on it. I was driven and I enjoyed it. I felt so fulfilled and productive. I've never written like that in my whole life. All the while, this little bean in there grew, implanted and started the road to becoming a baby. My little muse. My muse has always taken maternity leave when I get pregnant, so having him go into overdrive was strange and welcome.

So I've neglected my blog, dramatically and I'm sorry. But I'm also not sorry, as I had quite legitimate reasons. I don't know how active I'll become, since not a lot has really come up, parenting-wise, lately, that isn't already super-blogged. I'll eventually cover car seats and the new recommendation, but that's for another day. Today, I want to go lie on the couch and veg out, trying to forget about the ever-present nausea and overwhelming cravings for potatoes.

What Christians Should Know Before They Circumcise

2011-02-27T20:47:00.004-06:00

Many people claim "religion" as a basis for circumcision, but there are a few errors with this. For one, many Jews have abandoned the practice as archaic (just like women being secluded as 'unclean' on their periods). Another is that though it is a Muslim tradition, it is not only not in the Qur'an, but it violates the exact phrase "We have indeed created man in the 'best of moulds'." (Qur'an 95:4) and "The One Who has 'perfected everything' He has created and began the creation of human beings from clay" (Qur'an 32:7)

Still, those two groups aside, it is Christians where the puzzlement ultimately lies, as it circumcision is expressly spoken against in the New Testament and the Bible couldn't be more clear:

"Behold, I, Paul, tell you that if you be circumcised, Christ will be of no advantage to you." – Gal 5:2

"And even those who advocate circumcision don’t really keep the whole law. They only want you to be circumcised so they can brag about it and claim you as their disciples." – Gal 6:13

"For there are many who rebel against right teaching; they engage in useless talk and deceive people. This is especially true of those who insist on circumcision for salvation. They must be silenced. By their wrong teaching, they have already turned whole families away from the truth. Such teachers only want your money" – Titus 1:10-11

"Watch out for those wicked men – dangerous dogs, I call them – who say you must be circumcised. Beware of the evil doers. Beware of the mutilation. For it isn’t the cutting of our bodies that makes us children of God; it is worshiping him with our spirits." – Phil 3:2-3

"And I testify again to every male who receives circumcision, that he is in debt to keep the whole Law. You who do so have been severed from Christ...you have fallen from grace." - Gal 5:3

"As God has called each man, in this manner let him walk. And thus I command in all the churches. Was any man called in the circumcision [Old Covenant]? Let him not try to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in the uncircumcision [New Covenant in Christ]? Let him not be circumcised! Circumcision is nothing. And uncircumcision is nothing but the keeping of the commandments of God. Let each man remain in that condition in which he was called." - 1 Cor. 7:17

"And some men came and were teaching the brethren, 'Unless you are circumcised according to the custom of Moses, you cannot be saved.' But Paul and Barnabas together had great dissension and disputing with these men. . . Then Peter stood up and said to them 'Why do you put God to the test by placing upon the neck of the disciples a yoke which neither our fathers nor we have been able to bear?" - Acts 15:1-2, 7, 10

"But if I still proclaim circumcision. . . then the stumbling block of the cross has been abolished." - Gal 5:11

"I wish that those who are pushing you to do so would mutilate themselves!" - Gal 5:12

Just food for thought. According to the New Testament, you are not a Christian if you are circumcised unless you become 'uncircumcised'. It's not cleaner. It doesn't prevent HIV. It does cut down on UTIs... for 12 months in a population that suffers few to no UTIs (little girls get FAR more). No baby is born with a full grown man penis, so he'll never look like his father (especially since he has mom's dad's genes in there, too) and men don't actually compare penises that much anyway. A little boy is going to care more about the hair than if the tip is pointy or round. It's not even the majority--80% of the world is intact. And finally, just because he doesn't consciously remember it, doesn't mean he doesn't remember at all.

Finally, I know this is a sensitive topic. I am not criticizing anyone's choices, I am simply providing a short bit of information that, on top of my belief that everyone should have a say in their own body regarding cosmetic surgery as well as the fact that the adult penis is easier and safer to alter (and the men get better drugs to kill the pain after, while infants in the first 7 days have less natural pain relief). I have no issue with circumcisions, mine is an issue of consent. I don't agree with infant ear piercing, either.

Women's Fertility

2011-02-24T11:05:00.000-06:00

Most women know the basics of their cycle. It's typically 28-30 days, you ovulate in about the middle of that and if you're pregnant, menses stops. But that's a very, very basic understanding. Did you know that your cycle actually has four parts? Did you know that your body temperature changes to reflect that? And did you know that that fluid that seems to change so much is also a reflection of that? Did you know that your cervix changes? Even your saliva changes!

First, we have menses. That's your period. It lasts 2-5 days in the average woman and your cycle starts on the first day that you bleed--not the first day that you spot. That's Cycle Day 1 or CD1.

On CD 1, your temperature will be a little above its lowest and cervical fluid (also known as cervical mucus or CM, but fluid sounds better, doesn't it?) will be obviously hard to determine. Your cervix will be hard, like the tip of a nose, high up in your body and closed.

The next phase of your cycle is called the follicular phase. That's when your follicles are maturing and growing eggs to be released in the next phase. You grow 5-7 eggs and release FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) that causes the follicles to mature your eggs. They start producing estrogen that, when it peaks, stimulates the release of LH (Luteinizing Hormone) that is detectable by ovulation predictor kits (OPKs). The reason that they require a dark line to be positive is because when the LH peaks, that's when you release your egg(s). The LH surge (the highest concentration of LH) occurs 12-24 hours prior to ovulation but LH begins to rise about 36 hours before ovulation. Your temperature may go up and down a little, but it will stay in the same vicinity during these two weeks (approx).

Next is ovulation. In a woman with a textbook cycle, this happens on CD 14. This happens when the biggest, most mature egg is released at the peak of your FSH release. Sometimes two or even three mature enough to release. This is what causes fraternal multiples. The rest of the follicles and developing eggs die around CD7 or so.

Just before and during ovulation, your fluid will become watery or like the consistency of egg whites. That's fertile fluid and yes, the most fertile is called EWCM (egg white cervical mucus). It gives sperm the ideal environment to reach the egg (and facilitates sex). Your cervix moves down and opens, becoming soft, like lips. Your temperature may plummet or it may not move at all.

Sperm can live up to five days in a woman's body, so if you have unprotected sex as close as that, you have a chance at having a baby--and probably a girl. It's not very likely, though--sperm rarely lives more than three days and it depends on how 'hospitable' your body is to it.

The final phase is called the luteal phase. The corpus luteum is the dominant follicle, that is transformed by LH and starts producing progesterone. The day after you ovulate, your temperature jumps. In the space of three days, it can rise as much as a whole degree.

Now, all of this temperature stuff can only be monitored first thing in the morning. Basically, you set an alarm that lets you have had at least 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep (mine's set for 9:30am, but I woke up every day for the last two weeks at 8-something and temped--it's important to temp when you first wake up, before you do anything else, to be the most accurate) and take your temp. Write it down or memorize it (or use a thermometer that remembers) and go back to sleep or get up for the day.

The luteal phase ideally lasts 14 days (the 'two week wait' is what it's referred to by women waiting to see if they are pregnant for any reason). Few things are ideal, however, and it can last 12-16 days and be perfectly healthy. 10 days is considered the minimum length of a LP to last and still be able to become pregnant. Now, it ends on the day your period starts, so that's why it's important to last long enough for a baby to implant. I had a 7 day LP and still managed to get pregnant, but I lost the baby. A LP that short is defective. My first baby was conceived with a 10 day LP (approx, as I wasn't temping).

The luteal phase is largely the reason for variations in cycle. If you ovulate on CD 16, you might have a 30 day cycle. If you ovulate on CD 12, you might have a 26 day cycle, so on and so forth.

The cervix closes and rises back up into the body at this point. It becomes firm again and fluid can vary from this point and doesn't matter much. You can start producing 'fertile' looking fluid as your menses approaches or when you become pregnant.

If you are not pregnant, the corpus luteum dies, your temperature drops and within a day or so, you begin menses.

If you are pregnant, your temperature stays up (but can fall after a couple weeks, so it's important to stop temping so you don't become frightened if it drops--it becomes useless after you're already confirmed pregnant).

You can read more about the phases of your cycle here if you like or in the book Taking Charge Of Your Fertility, which is the highest rated book for learning about how your fertility works. I prefer Fertility Friend myself, as it's basically the Cliff's Notes version, but I haven't read TCOYF to say for sure. You can sign up for an account to track your cycle at Fertility Friend, too!

If you want to chart your temperatures, it's important to use a BBT thermometer (I do not recommend Walgreens Brand--while I have successfully used it to chart for the last two months, it is horribly inaccurate in that it seems to have preset temperatures that it is unable to vary from.. my old one from Wal-Mart was slow and the kids lost it, but it worked much better... most drug stores carry them) as it measures to the hundredth of a degree and not just a tenth. Speaking from experience, yes, this matters.

An interesting thing about pregnancy tests and ovulation predictor kits (or ovulation tests) is that the hormones they detect are similar. You can use an OPK to detect pregnancy! The POAS lady describes it this way: Think of them as identical twins, where hCG (human chorionic gonadotrophin--or pregnancy hormone) is wearing a hat. Now, an OPK can only look at the face of the twins, while the HPT (home pregnancy test) looks for a hat.

So, an HPT cannot see LH (what the OPK looks for) and can only see hCG, while the OPK detects both. Since hCG is only present in detectable levels during pregnancy, a line is a line on the test, no matter how faint, as long as it shows up in the test time. Anything after 10 minutes is an evaporation line (which can still show the pregnancy line, but if it wasn't there a minute before, it's not a positive test). With LH, it's a surge that triggers ovulation, so only a nice, dark, clear line counts.

This is one of my own charts (when I got pregnant with Naomi) to show you how temperature charting works (note the dip at CD7--that's an implantation dip; unconnected dots were artificially high temperatures from illness; the - test lines were confirming that my early loss pregnancy had passed):

So, I hope that you now have a better understanding of how your cycle (and your body) works!

The Vaccine Debate

2011-02-17T15:18:00.001-06:00

originally posted as a journal on cafemom Feb 25, 2008 at 3:24 PM

Disclaimer: I do not believe that there is a "right" answer for every family. Feel free to use the following information how you like. This does not substitute for research, either, but is a sample of a lot of research put into one article. That said, this article is far from neutral and has a clear bias against routine vaccination.

The simplest arguments for & against that I have seen to date.

For

The incidence of many childhood diseases have declined due to the widespread use of vaccines.

Against

The morbidity and mortality from childhood diseases had declined by up to 90% prior to the mass use of vaccines due to improved hygiene (eg. public sanitation, purified drinking water), reduced crowding and better nutrition. The decline in incidence continued at much the same rate after immunisation was introduced.
Diseases like bubonic plague and scarlet fever all but disappeared without any vaccination program at all.
Countries that do not vaccinate against whooping cough have a similar incidence of the disease when compared with countries with almost complete pertussis vaccination cover.
Diseases may have natural cycles.
Credit given to vaccinations for our current disease incidence has been grossly exaggerated

For

The diseases of the 19th century that had the highest fatality rates were smallpox, measles, TB, typhoid, diphtheria and influenza. The diseases for which vaccinations are given today can cause illness, injury or death in susceptible, less healthy infants and children.

Against

The vast majority of the time, childhood infectious diseases are benign and self-limiting and give life-long immunity.
Some of the childhood diseases, if postponed until adulthood, can become much more serious illnesses.

For

Infectious diseases are seen only as disadvantageous to society and allopathic medicine has the goal of eradicating infectious diseases.

Against

Infectious diseases play an important role in the maturation of the immune system of children, as described in The Hygiene Hypothesis. The immune system must be challenged and primed so that it can protect individuals against severe diseases such as auto-immune disease and cancer. Allopathy also tends to suppress natural healing processes such as fever. This tends to drive the disease-state deeper.

For

Vaccines provide artificial immunity to an infectious disease by introducing a small amount of the viral or bacterial antigen or toxin into the body. Specific antibodies or antitoxins are developed by the immune system to provide protection from that disease.

Against

Vaccines via injection use an unnatural route of antigen presentation. The normal route of entry of antigens is via the mucous membranes of the GIT, respiratory and genitourinary systems where IgA initiates the natural immune response. The mucous membranes is where 80% of our immune system resides.
The effectiveness of vaccines, as assessed by allopathic medicine, centres around the production of antibodies, especially IgG. However, this represents only one part of our very complex immune system. For example, nasal antibody plays a significantly more important role than serum antibody in prevention of influenza.
Natural immunity cannot be completely replicated by artificial stimulation of antibodies.

For

Vaccines are effective in preventing contraction of the specific disease.

Against

Vaccines offer only short-term protection. Natural immunity is achieved by contracting the disease and this immunity is lifelong.
In epidemic situations, both vaccinated children and unvaccinated children contract the disease. In some reported outbreaks of smallpox, diphtheria, whooping cough, measles and polio, significantly more vaccinated than non-vaccinated people contracted the diseases.
In South Australia in 1997 there were 1,094 cases of whooping cough – 89% were fully vaccinated.
The Hib vaccination used prior to 1993 in Australia was withdrawn as it was ineffective.
Mass vaccinations for diphtheria between 1932 – 1940 resulted in unprecedented diphtheria epidemics in fully vaccinated subjects.

Jonas Salk, the developer of the oral polio vaccine testified in the US Senate that nearly all cases of polio since 1961, apart from those contracted in Third World countries, were caused by the vaccine itself.
During vaccine trials, many children contracted the diseases against which they were vaccinated.

In 1979, Sweden ceased vaccination with whole-cell whooping cough due to its ineffectiveness (84% of children with pertussis had been fully vaccinated) and adverse events which far exceeded the disease itself.

For

Vaccinated individuals who still contract the disease have less severe cases.

Against

A particularly virulent and severe form of measles, called atypical measles, has a considerable mortality rate (12-15%) and only affects vaccinated children.
Whooping cough has become a more mild disease in countries that do not vaccinate eg. Sweden, West Germany, Italy.

For

In comparison to the risks of the infectious illnesses, it is commonly believed that vaccines are relatively harmless and pose very little risk. Adverse reactions are extremely rare, with the benefits outweighing the risks.

Against

Only the risks to society are considered, not the risks to individuals. It is assumed that all individuals will react the same to a vaccine, regardless of race, culture, diet etc. A full medical assessment is not undertaken before vaccines are administered.

Bias in the data collection

There is almost certain under-reporting of adverse reactions to vaccines. In America, the FDA has estimated that only about 10% of adverse reactions are reported. Prior to 1990, doctors in America were not required to report adverse events.
Reporting of adverse events are subject to the biases and beliefs of individual doctors. There is immense pressure on doctors to be pro-vaccination with a tendency to downplay the risks of vaccinations and deny connections of adverse reactions to vaccines.
In Australia, there are two systems for reporting adverse events, run by the Commonwealth Health Department. The data collected is not integrated or coordinated. Reporting relies on voluntary notification by parents and doctors. This is not an active system and cannot truly give an accurate representation of the risks of vaccinations.
The solvents, containing potentially toxic chemicals, are often used as “placebo” in vaccine trials. Consequently, there will be less likelihood of a significant difference in adverse events between the active and placebo groups.

Reactions that occur more than 72 hours post-vaccination are generally not included in the adverse reactions statistics. They are merely considered coincidental rather than a causal relationship.
Symptoms such as irritability, excessive drowsiness, fever and screaming in pain may in an adult be described as encephalitis or encephalopathy, but the same set of symptoms in a baby, who is unable to speak, tends to be dismissed and remain unreported.

Many adverse events are ignored or diagnosed as other diseases (eg. SIDS)
The long-term effects of vaccines are not known.
No double-blind placebo controlled studies have been done on vaccinations in babies.
No studies have been conducted on vaccines for carcinogenic or mutagenic effects or effects on fertility.
There has been little or no research on the adverse effects of combined vaccinations versus single vaccines.

Components of Vaccines

The main antigenic component can be live, attenuated or killed, yet even killed micro-organisms contain foreign DNA and RNA which can incorporate itself into the host’s cells. The risk of this recombination of genetic material increases with the number of vaccinations administered. This constant source of antigenic material may over-stimulate and provoke the immune system, weakening it over time. Production of anti-DNA antibodies may result in autoimmune disease. The vaccine does not eradicate the disease, but provides a chronic source of infestation, driving the disease deeper.

Many vaccinations contain (or did contain) potentially toxic chemicals such as:

Aluminium hydroxide & aluminium phosphate are known carcinogens. Aluminium is implicated in Alzheimer’s disease, dementia and seizures.
Formaldehyde (Schedule 6 Poison) – a known carcinogen. According to toxicologists there is no safe level of formaldehyde when injected into the body.
Phenol (carbolic acid) – corrosive & toxic substance that affects the CNS and can cause liver and kidney damage.

There is a risk of contamination of vaccines that are derived from animal cell cultures.

Polio vaccines obtained from monkey kidneys have been contaminated with Simian Virus 40 (SV40), Simian Immuno-deficiency Virus (SIV) and bovine retrovirus. These are AIDS-related viruses and were widely used by the WHO in eradication programs in Africa. Immune incompetence or immuno-suppression has also developed in babies receiving these vaccines. The chimpanzee coryza virus causes persistent upper and lower respiratory tract diseases in babies.
Vaccines from chicken embryos (eg. MMR) have been contaminated with avian leukosis virus (ALV).

Treatment with formaldehyde does not kill all of the micro-organisms.

Adverse Effects

Vaccinations can lead to a non-infectious inflammatory reaction involving the nervous system.
Many researches believe that the massive increase in incidence of allergic disease, asthma, behavioural and learning disorders, and autoimmune disease can be directly linked to widespread immunisation programs.
1995 JAMA (Journal of American Medical association) paper stated causal links with:
- DT vaccine; oral polio vaccine Guillain-Barre syndrome
- MMR; DT; Tetanus Anaphylaxis
- Measles (MMR) Thrombocytopenia
- Polio oral vaccine Polio
Possible link between MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) and autism.
Association of MMR with Crohn’s Disease.
Febrile seizures following DTP or MMR vaccines
Possible link of hepatitis B vaccine and DTP with SIDS

(There has been a virtual disappearance of SIDS and infantile convulsions in Japan since they increased the minimum age for vaccinations to two years).

The manufacturer of the MMR-II vaccine claims that women who receive this vaccine have a 23% risk of developing arthralgia and/or arthritis.

Provocation poliomyelitis is a well-known phenomenon which may follow any vaccine, but in particular, DPT, due to lowered resistance in the vaccinated individual. The majority of paralysis occurs in the inoculated limb.

For

Current vaccines are screened for viruses.

Against

They can only screen for known pathogens. Pathogens currently unknown to science still have the potential for contaminating vaccines.

For

The scientific and medical community and Government can be trusted to always place health above all other concerns

Over the years there has been withdrawal of quite a few ‘approved’ vaccines or constituents used in them. This puts into doubt the trust in the medical establishment with regards to safety of vaccines. For example:

thimerosal has recently been removed in Australia.
live attenuated polio vaccine can cause paralysis and has been withdrawn. It has been replaced with an inactivated polio vaccine.
a vaccine against rotavirus (RotaShield) was withdrawn a year after its introduction due to numerous reports of obstructed and twisted bowel in infants, with two deaths, following vaccination. Pre-market trials had shown the increased risk of this condition, yet it still went on to the market.
In 1992 the MMR vaccine was withdrawn as it was unsal

For

The timing of exposure to the disease agent can be controlled as parents can choose to vaccinate at a time when their child is healthy. In contrast, virile disease tends to strike when the immune system is compromised.

Against

Babies and infants have immature nervous and immune systems, yet despite their vulnerability, are bombarded with a massive toxic load from multiple vaccines. The number of vaccines that are routinely used is ever-increasing. There are a projected 200 vaccines waiting to come on the medical market in the next decade. Many of these will be for infants and children.
A two-month old baby is given the same dose as a five-year old. No other medications ignore the importance of dose.
Severely ill, malnourished and immuno-compromised children tend to have more side effects and less benefit from vaccines. It is recommended that the vaccinations be delayed or avoided in these cases, especially in those with prior vaccination reactions.

Against

As mothers are not contracting childhood diseases, natural immunity is decreasing with each successive generation. Consequently, passive immunity in babies is declining as fewer and fewer mothers are able to pass on antibodies via breast milk. This results in an increased risk of contracting childhood diseases.

Against

The allopathic approach to vaccinations is to treat all children with a standardised protocol without due concern for the child’s current health status, medical history and likelihood of contracting the disease. For example, the Hep-B vaccines is given to all newborn babies even though the route of infection is via intravenous injection or unprotected sex.

Conclusion

There is a profound lack of knowledge of the complex nature of human health and disease and how vaccinations impact on human physiology, yet pharmaceutical companies have immense influence over medical institutions and Government alike.

However, as vaccines are unlikely to be phased out, it is important that there be further research into:

the use of non-toxic preservatives
administration of vaccines orally, intra-nasally or transdermally.
cultures being derived from synthetic sources
a better understanding of why a certain proportion of children who receive vaccines have serious side-effects.
An honest and truly scientific appraisal of adverse effects of vaccines, including the long-term consequences.

The choice made by parents on whether to vaccinate their children should be a personal decision based on informed consent. However, currently, only one side of the debate is presented to parents and there is enormous pressure, both emotional and financial, to fully vaccinate their children. There is also fear amongst scientists and doctors as they can be harassed and ostracised by their peers for questioning immunisation. The subject of immunisations is very emotive. Debate in society is very stifled with those choosing not to vaccinate being criticised and vilified, resulting in a divided society. To achieve the best health outcomes for our children what is required is a neutral forum where openness and honesty are the priority.

References:

Scheibner, V., Vaccination, Australian Print Group, Victoria, 1993
Australian Vaccination Network, Vaccination Roulette, Australian Vaccination Network, NSW, 1998
Ada, G., Isaacs, D., Vaccination – the Facts, the Fears, the Future, Allen & Unwin, NSW, 2000
www.bcna.ca/articles/article-vaccinations.htm, BCNA, 2003
http://babiestoday.com/resources/articles/vaccines.htm, Dr E. Rosick, 2004

I edited this to remove thmerisol from the list of toxic ingredients, though it's a myth that it's been totally removed from vaccines. The flu vaccine, for instance, still typically contains this form of mercury, though there are a few, most notably the live virus vaccine, that do not. Also, small amounts remain in most of the remaining vaccines to date, though they're no longer considered a cause for concern, though none is allowed in animal vaccinations, indicating that dogs are more important than children.

The Hidden Growth Spurt

2011-02-04T14:38:00.006-06:00

"My ten month old has been waking frequently at night. I'm exhausted. Help! What can I do? Is this normal?"

Basically every DDC or DDG (due date club/group) gets this question. The responses are usually flooded with confused mothers agreeing that they are going through the same thing. It also seems to be forgotten, as it's not only first time moms who ask this. Probably due to that sleep deprivation. Since pediatricians only talk about physical growth spurts, this one is almost never mentioned to moms to warn them that it's going to happen, and that really sucks.

Because it's going to happen.

I've seen it mentioned only maybe once in an 'about your baby' type of publication. The ten month developmental growth spurt. At this time in baby's life she has just started walking or talking or is making the first attempts to do so. She's typically teething and noticing the world around her even more, as well. Some babies develop separation anxiety at this age that can also contribute.

Now "ten month" is the average age, however, it can happen as early as eight months or as late as fourteen to sixteen months, depending on the child. It lasts anywhere from a week to a few months--again, depending on the child.

It's normal and it does pass. Parents who used some sort of sleep training method almost universally notice it is a complete failure during this time period. It remains ineffective for weeks to months, except in some babies, who may already have medical or psychological issues.

Parents who cosleep report getting crawled on, kicked a lot, rolled over on and just a general increase in sleep activity. Often, a wide-awake baby greets them with the desire to play and or nurse at four in the morning.

Parents who do not cosleep report babies who start escaping their crib, get limbs entrapped in their sleep, cry more often, need to nurse more frequently or simply sit up and start playing at random intervals at night.

Temperament tends to dictate baby's response to this time period--fussy babies fuss, laid back babies entertain themselves, clingy babies cling, etc. All in all, it leads to the same result: tired parents!

Responsive parents seem to have the best luck with babies with shorter times in this phase, but certainly not always. Some previously laid back babies become high needs.

"...even though babies achieve this sleep maturity some time during the last half of the first year, many still wake up. The reason? Painful stimuli, such as colds and teething pain, become more frequent. Major developmental milestones, such as sitting, crawling, and walking, drive babies to "practice" their new developmental skills in their sleep. Then between one and two years of age, when baby begins to sleep through the above-mentioned wake-up stimuli, other causes of night waking occur, such as separation anxiety and nightmares. " 1

This post is really meant to just give a head's up and an explanation as to why it happens. The 'how to get him back to sleep?!' is, unfortunately, so variable as to not be able to be answered in general (like most baby questions). Different babies have different needs to get through this time period.

Feed the baby (hunger at night continues well into the second and even third year for most children), make sure they're safe and comfortable and try to sleep through the crazies as much as you can. Some babies will let you sleep while they play until they're ready to sleep again (my first was like that--her growth spurt lasted about a month or a month and a half) and some will be super demanding (my second, whose phase lasted about two weeks and I was about to start crying with her by the end of it) and everything in between. The only constant is that "training" is totally ineffective during this time (not that it ever achieves the desired goal of a content, sleeping baby, regardless of appearances) and is basically just torture to everyone involved.

Try to prepare with your significant other for this time period if you can and try not to plan to start any taxing activities that could be really messed up by lack of sleep if at all possible. And just remember--like any other growth spurt, it will pass!

Celebrating Siblings

2011-01-29T13:53:00.006-06:00

Ahh, the 'sibling gift' at birthdays. My sister was the first person I knew to do this and I didn't 'get it'. My childless self was opinionated and wondered why the other kid couldn't deal with not being the center of attention for one day.

I didn't 'get it' at all.

When I was preparing to welcome a second child into the family, I was looking at things in a totally different light. Birth and a new child isn't just about the parents and the new baby. That sibling is just as much a part of the changes, just as affected, as the parents! Their entire world changes.

This was reflected in my decision not to exclude my oldest from the birth of her sister. It was just as monumental a moment in her life as in mine. It was just completely different. For one, she didn't really get a say in it. Yes, she was happy about it and yes, I asked her if she'd like a little brother or sister and she did, but in the end, we never planned to be a one-child family. We wanted a big family.

One of the suggestions to avoid sibling rivalry is to make certain that the older sibling is greeted first and congratulated as visitors come to see the baby. After all--they just became a big brother or sister! That's a big deal. Another suggestion was to offer the older child a gift from the baby. We did both of these and it was a hit. Lilly was very excited and accepting of her little sister. She was so happy to have her and amazed at the tiny little critter that had come out of me.

My sister was on the same page and delighted Lilly

Her place in the family changed. Her responsibilities increased. Expectations of her increased. She wasn't any older. She wasn't any bigger or suddenly more able to do things than she was before, but she still had to start doing more, simply because she wasn't the only kid in the house anymore and largely because she wasn't the youngest. She didn't mind. She took it all very well and adored her sister and I believe celebrating her role as the big sister was a big part of it.

So, at Naomi's first birthday party, there was a gift for Lilly. Not to keep her from being jealous of the attention for her sister--she didn't need that, actually. She was super excited to celebrate her sister (more than the confused little one year old who just wanted to nap, lol). It was there to celebrate Lilly, on the anniversary of the day that changed her life forever.

Why does the little sister get a gift on the big sister's birthday? To keep her out of big sister's presents, lol. Sure, her life didn't change any on that day, but the little one is still a little sister because of it. It's an important role in the family, too.

So remember to celebrate the siblings! It's not just the firstborn, either. If you have four, then three children have had their lives changed forever! And the fourth is just as important as the first. Every little life deserves celebrating and every sibling deserves a congratulations. Maybe it's on being a great big brother or an awesome little sister, maybe it's on just not strangling their little sister or simply surviving little brother's forays into the tumultuous threes. Siblings do a lot more than they often get credit (or blame) for. So let them have their gift, too.

My Meatloaf Recipe

2011-01-27T17:35:00.006-06:00

What respectable omnivorous mother doesn't have one? I discovered meatloaf when I was 15 or so and went over to a friend's house whose mother made it. I was instantly in love. I'd heard nothing but horror stories about meatloaf on t.v. and I didn't understand, as my mom didn't make meatloaf (but hers would probably have been delicious--my mom's a pretty good cook). I've had many kinds of meatloaf since and came to my own conclusions. Mainly: pork ruins meatloaf.

I had no idea people mixed meats in meatloaf until a couple years ago. I'm not a big fan of pork in the first place, but mixing it in, particularly sausage, definitely sends me running from one of my favorite foods. However, mixed meat doesn't have to be disgusting--or higher in fat.

Anyhow, after my Mother-in-law taught me to make meatloaf, I started experimenting with the dish to make it mine. One of the important things was to lower the fat content, since I have no gallbladder and high fat items make me ill.

So, without further blah blah blah-ing, here's my recipe!

What you need:

One-Two pound(s) lean ground beef
One pound lean ground turkey
One can sloppy joe sauce (or make your own! Having had ketchup, BBQ sauce and plain tomato sauce, I decided to try this--my husband despises ketchup--and it was a hit!)
6oz crushed cheese crackers (gluten free varieties are offered in many stores)
One egg (many people do meatloaf without the egg if you have allergies--some sub bread crumbs, but I don't see how that's necessary with the crackers--I haven't made it without egg, so I have no experience there)
1/4th of a small onion, diced
Ground peppercorn, to preference
Garlic pepper (or minced garlic or garlic powder), to preference
Curry Powder (sometimes I use it, sometimes not)
1/4th a can of black olives, sliced
4-6 shredded baby carrots
1/4 cup of tricolor peppers
One cup shredded cheese* (I usually use colby jack or cheddar jack)
Sliced cheese, enough to cover top of loaf*

*Cheese can be left out to reduce fat content

Preheat oven to 350

In either a large bowl or the pan, mix spices, crackers (crushing in the bag works best, IME), carrots, peppers, shredded cheese, onion, garlic, egg and ground meat with your hands. I usually do the dry first, then add the wet ingredients. Roll and mix until everything is thoroughly blended and there aren't any pockets of dry ingredients.

Shape into a loaf in the ungreased pan (or use a loaf pan). Wash hands (I usually run for the sink wailing for someone to turn on the water for me since I just touched raw ground meat and egg!). Smother with sloppy joe sauce. Place sliced cheese over top however you like.

Cook, uncovered, for 75-90 minutes (cooking times may vary) or until checking the center reveals no pink. Slice and serve. (It won't look anything like the public domain picture I picked out, lol, but it should taste better than that one looks like it would) Enjoy!

The Robots are coming, the Robots are coming--and they're HUNGRY

2011-01-25T10:21:00.000-06:00

Originally posted Jul 15, 2009 on MySpace

Bow before the Technology... or it will eat you.

Want to fuck with America? No, no you don't. Ignoring all robot-warning movies from Terminator to Tim Burton's 9, DARPA has come up with the latest in terrifyingly evil concepts—EATR.

What is EATR? Well, in short, it's an ENERGETICALLY AUTONOMOUS TACTICAL ROBOT. Still don't know what that means? It means that it can derive its own energy sources from biomatter (grass, wood, garbage, roadkill, enemy corpses—basically anything but metal, plastic and Velveeta) so it can outlast the Energizer Bunny. And then eat it.

Here's the technical specs:

Oh, is that a Chainsaw I see? Yes, yes it is. And the Ramp for PackBots? Why, that would be the baby making orifice! This sucker can potentially BREED. “It might also be fitted with DARPA's SELF tech, enabling it to construct copies of itself and modify its own design.”

This is the face of the future enemy. Get a good look now, because it's going to be harder when we reach this point:

You think not? Well, how about this spec explanation:

AUTONOMOUS INTELLIGENT CONTROL: 4D/RCS

The 4D/RCS is a domain-independent approach to goal-directed, sensory interactive, adaptable behavior, integrating high-level cognitive reasoning with low-level perception and feedback control in a modular, well-structured, and theoretically grounded methodology It can be used to achieve full or supervised intelligent autonomy of individual platforms, as well as an overarching framework for control of systems of systems (e.g., incorporating unmanned and manned air, ground, sea surface, and undersea platforms, as well as serving as a decision tool for system of systems human controllers)

I don't like how that sounds. It can decide FOR us, can it? Oh, I'm sure that's not what that means... or is it?

And, of course, it's not DESIGNED to eat us. Of course not. As you see in this official illustration, the perception of what it consumes is totally benign:

And clearly, the intention is for it to be a vegetarian, as illustrated here:

So, as you can see, it's only going to eat your pot. Hmm... maybe it's not just designed for foreign wars, but our own homespun war on drugs as well. Of course, what's that going to leave us with when it tosses all that green into its burner?

Oh, yeah. Well, that's not so bad.

Oh, my.

So, let's review. So far, we have a chainsaw-wielding, pot stealing, flesh eating, giant killer smoking robot. Could it get any worse?

Oh, it's got a webcam. So it can post on YouTube while it slaughters us. So the other robots can laugh at us. And with the Japanese corpse-mover being invented around the same time, it's already got a lackey.

Of course, that robot's not just for corpses, but for moving bums from the street, too. If we toss in the automatic voice-recognizing sniper-bot with a two-mile shooting range...

...we're fucked.

Sources:

http://www.robotictechnologyinc.com/index.php/EATR

http://www.engadget.com/2009/07/10/eatr-robots-are-coming-this-isnt-funny-anymore/

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/07/09/eatr_beta/

http://www.cracked.com/article_16364_science-dick-5-most-evil-robots-ever-invented.html

Children Know What We've Forgotten

2011-01-21T14:29:00.002-06:00

There are many difficult things about growing up. The greatest of all may be disillusionment. I am often baffled by how adults forget what it was like to be a child or mold their memories to fit into what adults believe, rather than how a child feels, thinks and sees. I know adults do much of this to the children, some children are born without the ability to See and a few even escape it to grow into adults who Remember. Grown ups who can See. And while I've probably forgotten more than I can list, these are many Truths that adults have forgotten, but are every day for a child:

Children can control the wind, the rain and many other elements.

Grown ups are invincible most of the time.

It's a different, better world when it's upside down.

Monsters are quite real, but for some reason, they often cannot harm adults and adults cannot see them. However, sometimes adults need to be saved from them and never even know.

A monster can stand right behind an adult trying to tell a child why they aren't real, and mock you both until the adult leaves.

Monster spray works like a charm, though. Only grown ups know where to get it.

There are Things in the dark that will eat you that only stay away if you are not alone or if you have enough light.

Invisible people often get stepped on and sat on, but they don't mind. They're really good friends. They just choose one special person to be their friend.

Buried treasure could be anywhere.

There are parallel worlds and doors to them exist everywhere. You need only open the Door.

Magic is very real and many adults have at least a small amount of it. Some people are just full of magic.

An object is rarely only what it appears to be.

Bullies are children with the power of an adult.

Grown ups very often won't believe the truth.

Between two of them, parents know everything and are always right. Except when they're not. But when defending knowledge to another child, the child's parents are right and the other child is wrong.

Favorite clothes "go together" regardless of adult clothing match up ideas.

A child (or group of children) saves the world every day, somewhere in the world, and no one even says, "Thank you."

Flowers are amazing and everyone loves them. They are one of the best gifts to give.

Adults are very forgetful and even when they can see the magic one day, will likely have forgotten by the next.

There are tiny fairies dancing in the air on sunny days.

Mud is simply clay and paint that you play with outside.

Wet clothes are worth seeing how high a puddle can fly into the air or how deep it is.

Beloved characters from stories and television are always ready to play!

The musician on the street corner or in the subway is very talented and deserves an audience.

Cities are full of things to see every which way you look.

Playing is hard work, but it is a child's duty to do what must be done.

Slime is just another fascinating texture.

Children can become any animal in the world.

Adults smell things differently than children. This may be why their food is often so gross.

People can randomly develop super powers.

Clothing can transform you into someone else entirely. Sometimes, it's a Door.

Dirt is a badge of pride and evidence that the day's work has been good.

My Favorite Doctor King Quotes

2011-01-17T18:18:00.002-06:00

In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, these are my favorite quotes from Dr. King in no particular order:

Seeing is not always believing.

Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better.

A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom.

Means we use must be as pure as the ends we seek.

I would be the last to condemn the thousands of sincere and dedicated people outside the churches who have labored unselfishly through various humanitarian movements to cure the world of social evils, for I would rather a man be a committed humanist than an uncommitted Christian.

Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.

He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.

We who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive.

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable... Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.

History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon. which cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it. It is a sword that heals.

The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: "If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But... the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?"

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.

An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.

At the center of non-violence stands the principle of love.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress.

Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.

The past is prophetic in that it asserts loudly that wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tomorrows.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

Why The British Medical Journal Failed -- Six Months Is Still Ideal

2011-01-15T12:37:00.005-06:00

Lilly, feeding herself her first solids at six months

So, bloggers are up in arms against an article from the Guardian "Six months of breastfeeding alone could harm babies, scientists now say". It's based on an article written for the British Medical Journal by people whose research was paid for by formula companies and babyfood companies. Conflict of interest much? They defend themselves by saying that they are recommending real food, such as fresh food and meat, and not baby food, but so few people give their babies real food from the get go that if they believe that, then they're deluding themselves. However, the study doesn't really say as much as the article indicates.

They are flying in the face of their own World Health Organisation's recommendation of: "exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months of life is recommended and breastfeeding for 2 years and beyond (with the introduction of solids from 6 months) is beneficial."

So, most bloggers are tackling discrediting these guys for their affiliations (and at least this one tried to take them seriously) or talking about the signs of readiness for introduction of solids. (Which you can find here as well)

Now, personally, I do baby led weaning, which is giving baby real foods from the start based on physiological signs of readiness and age-based readiness. However, what's bothering me and prompting me to write this is that while everyone's pointing out why it's better to wait, an important reason why it's dangerous not to wait it being left out.

The open gut. It's open for the first four to six months of life to allow as many antibodies and healthful particles through from breastmilk to pass into the body as possible. It naturally closes around 6 months, but introducing solids causes it to close prematurely to protect the body from harmful allergenic particles, also cutting down the amount of helpful antibodies that baby gets (which are still plentiful, but it lowers immunity and increases risk of allergies). THAT is the reason to wait at least six months to introduce solids--our bodies aren't designed for them in the first six months (things that do not enter the stomach should not be counted, such as teething tablets, gas drops, vitamin drops, etc.). What's more, several digestive enzymes aren't formed until six months:

"The pancreatic enzyme amylase does not reach adequate levels for digestion of starches until around 6 months, and carbohydrate enzymes such as maltase, isomaltase, and sucrase do not reach adult levels until around 7 months. Young infants also have low levels of lipase and bile salts, so fat digestion does not reach adult levels until 6-9 months. "

On a food level, spinach, broccoli and carrots contain nitrites that cannot be converted in a 4 month old's gut into a safer substance and can (and have) cause(d) nitrite poisoning. What's more, most people use rice cereal as a first food, which is linked to food protein induced enterocolitis syndrome (symptoms typically include vomiting, diarrhea (sometimes bloody), dehydration and low-blood pressure. The child or infant can appear lethargic, and over time can have problems gaining weight. Hospitalization for possible severe infection in common in children with FPIES).

While it's the BMJ itself that warns against rice cereal, it has not received the media attention that this is receiving and it's irresponsible to recommend early solid introduction (which, btw, they're still not recommending before four months) when most people are still using useless and potentially dangerous rice cereal as a first food--because it's still recommended by many 'authorities' and most pediatricians.

On a personal note, I got solids at 3 months old (from my mom's plate) and I have food allergies, a strong distaste for leafy greens, and used to have chronic anemia... the things that this article says happen because of waiting six months. So, on a purely personal anecdotal level, I have to call b.s. (admittedly, anecdote =/= science).

My first grabbed her first solid by reaching over and just biting my nectarine while I was on the phone, lol, right about her 6m birthday. That is a clear display of solid readiness. My second's tongue-thrust reflex didn't vanish until almost 9 months, though she had access to the food starting a little after she turned 6 months and she did try. She choked constantly and just wasn't ready. A good rule of thumb is, "If the parent needs to use a spoon, it's too soon." If your child cannot feed him/herself, they aren't ready for solids. Most six month olds can even use a spoon if shown how to properly, if you insist on pureed/mashed foods. It's better to just start with soft, whole foods.

While I agree with not waiting to introduce allergens into the diet (another recommendation within their article), it should be done through breast milk first and first foods should be what the family is eating anyway. Exposure reduces allergens--once the body is ready for exposure. However, a child who has shown a clear allergy to a food (from the telltale red 'ring' around the anus to full out anaphylactic shock) should not continue being exposed to that food in the first year. Both of my girls had early food intolerances (my oldest was strawberries--this vanished around 14 months and my youngest was to spinach and broccoli--which also vanished between 13-15 months... my youngest presented with signs through breast milk exposure and my oldest had no signs until she ate a strawberry at 8 months).

Finally,the following organizations recommend that all babies be exclusively breastfed (no cereal, juice or any other foods) for the first 6 months of life (not the first 4-6 months):

Will these recommendations change now? Only time will tell, but in the end, the science supports waiting at least six months for the protection and optimal health of our children.

A Few Things Being a Mom Has Taught Me

2011-01-11T08:06:00.002-06:00

Welcome to the January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Learning from children

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared the many lessons their children have taught them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

Things I've learned as a mom:

Newborns can love loud rock music more than all the lullabies in the world.

Despite eating nothing but breastmilk, a healthy new baby's poop will appear as though she has eaten nothing but seeds and florescent dye.

Frozen breastmilk smells like soap.

Babies like anything that is not a toy, such as a straw, better than the most expensive toys on the market.

A determined infant can flip around under the safety strap on a changing table, head to foot, and remained strapped in.

Breastmilk can cure any pain or frightful event in mere seconds.

When you think everything is babyproofed--your baby will find the one thing you missed.

Poop can shoot out of a diaper up to the neck of a baby's back and somehow manage to leave almost nothing in the diaper.

Shrieking and mindless babbling can be the most wonderful sound in the world.

Silence is a horrible sound and you should immediately find out why it's happening.

Toddlers laugh when you're mad because they're trying to get you to laugh with them. A laughing mom is so much more fun.

I have special long-distance tickling powers.

Always get the warranty. The good one. And ask if it covers accidental flushing.

Never do anything in front of or to a toddler that you don't want them doing.

Please really is a magic word.

Sleeping children are the most adorable works of art in the world.

When doing photos with more than one child, it's a must for the photographer to have stamina, tenacity and to leave personal expectations at the door.

I am a jungle gym, a spring board and the tool for flying.

Childhood is like evolution: babies are like wiggly fish that become monkeys, toddlers are like cavemen.

You can learn an entirely new language in a matter of days--toddlerese!

The world can be a great place... as long as you keep a good sense of humor (and avoid moms who actively don't agree with you)!

***

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Affection — Alicia at I Found My Feet has finally become a hugger and kisser, now she has someone sweet and small to snuggle with. (@aliciafagan)

Learning from Daniel — Amy at Anktangle hopes that she and her husband will always be open to learning from their son. (@anktangle)

Kids Cultivate Awareness of Universal Truths — From forgiveness to joy, Amy Phoenix at Innate Wholeness has become aware of deep truths that come naturally to children. (@InnateWholeness)

What the Apple Teaches the Tree — Becky at Future Legacy has learned about imagination, forgiveness, and strength.

A Lesson in Slowing Time — Bethy at Bounce Me To the Moon revels in the chance to just be with her baby.

Learning From My Children: I Am So Honored — WAHM Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey is learning to choose tea parties over work. (@MyMotheringPath)

P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E — Now that she's a mother, Danielle at born.in.japan is finally learning about a personality trait she lacked. (@borninjp)

Top 5 Homeschool Lessons My Children Taught Me — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares what she learned from homeschooling her (now grown) children. (@DebChitwood)

Learning to Live in the Present By Looking to the Future — Dionna at Code Name: Mama finds the patience to be a gentle parent, because she knows how fleeting childhood really is. (@CodeNameMama)

The watchful Buddha boy — At Dreaming Aloud, they are learning to cherish their thoughtful, sensitive child in a action-driven, noisy world. (@DreamingAloudNt)

What My Children Taught Me — Dulce de Leche's children have taught her to value herself for the wonderful person and mother she is.

Lessons from the First Year — Having a child made Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama@CrunchyishMama) realize that her decisions affect more than just herself. (

Lessons from Loss — Erica at ChildOrganics learned so much from the love — and loss — of her sweet Bella, five years ago. (@ChildOrganics)

The Socratic Baby — Erin at Multiple Musings has so-called "identical" twins to serve as a daily lesson in nature vs. nurture. (@ErinLittle)

Learning to be a Mother — Farmer's Daughter learned the type of patience that enabled her to calmly eat one-handed for months and change clothes seven times a day, before noon. (@FarmDaughter)

A Few Things Being a Mom Has Taught Me — Heather at Musing Mommy@xakana) shares the curious, hilarious, and sometimes Murphy's Law-like tidbits we learn from our children. (

I Feel You — Motherhood has taught Jamey from At the Bee Hive empathy, and it extends beyond just her child. (@JameyBly)

Lessons From My Child… — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy shares the inspiring ways she's learned to expect the unexpected — and have a camera ready! (@imaftmummy)

My child is my mirror — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama has seen herself in her children – and it's not bad. (@crunchychewy)

There is enough to go around… — Kellie at Our Mindful Life learned that love doesn't diminish when it's shared.

Learning From Our Children, Every Day — Kimberly at Homeschooling in Nova Scotia, Canada is continually inspired by her children. (@UsborneBooksCB)

Life Lessons From My Children — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood has learned that every slug is fascinating, doing the dishes is fun, and sharing a banana is a delight. (@crunchymamato2)

Things I've Learned From My Children — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings uses pictures to share what she has learned from her children. (@sunfrog)

Beyond the questions lies the answer — Lauren at Hobo Mama stopped wondering and started knowing — loving and liking our children comes naturally. (@Hobo_Mama)

Learning from Children — Lily, aka Witch Mom, finds out just how enchanting balloons can be. (@LilyShahar)

Lifelong Learning — Lindsay at Living in Harmony has learned that what works for one kid might not work for another. (@AttachedMama)

Walking alongside my daughter — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude is learning to give the clock less power over her family's life.

Things my baby taught me about me — Luschka at Diary of a First Child is proud of how she has grown as a mother. (@lvano)

From my children, I have learned — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip has a litany of beautiful lessons, from selflessness to sleeplessness.

The Little Things in Life — In a simple and lovely prose poem, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shows how adults worry about the wrong things and forget the little, important ones: watching ladybugs, jumping in leaves, cherishing each moment as it comes.

The Virtues of Motherhood — Melissa at The New Mommy Files has had opportunities to learn from children as both a teacher and a mother. (@NewMommyFiles)

My Kids Have Taught Me That It's Time To Stop Blogging — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has learned that childhoods fly by too fast to blog. We'll miss your wonderful online presence, Melodie, and we wish you much peace and happiness. (@bfmom)

Having Kids Has Taught me a Thing or Two — Michelle at The Parent Vortex@TheParentVortex) learns all day long — from fun facts about hedgehogs to tying a complicated wrap with a screaming child and an audience. (

We Could All Learn from the Children — Momma Jorje takes time to get on the floor and play so that she can see the world through her child's eyes.

Teaching Forgiveness — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog has a daughter who's taught her unconditional love — even when she feels like she does't deserve it. (@littlegreenblog)

Parenting as a joint venture — Olivia at Write About Birth appreciates watching the astonishing way her children learn. (@writeaboutbirth)

Beginner's Mind — Rachael at The Variegated Life learns from a child who builds bridges to nowhere, calls letter magnets his numbers, and insists dinnertime is truck time. (@RachaelNevins)

A baby's present — RS at A Haircut and a Shave presents a short poem on the differences between a baby's mindfulness and ours.

Self-Confidence Was Born With My Daughter — Sara at Halfway Crunchy learned to trust her instincts by responding to her child's needs — and saw her self-confidence bloom.

The Importance of Being Less Earnest — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante@seonaid_lee) has one list of earnest and one list of silly things she has learned as a parent. (

Lessons my children have taught me — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes learned that attachment parenting was the best way to meet the needs of her child and herself. (@Sheryljesin)

Till the water is clear — Stacy at Mama-Om learns that being present is the best present. (@mama_om)

I Hold It — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine has learned that the ability to communicate is much more important than the number of words a child knows.

What My Children Taught Me About Letting Go — Summer at Finding Summer is learning from her kids to laugh in the face of heartache. (@summerminor)

Finding My Tools — The Artsymama has applied some of what she's learned as a mama in the classroom, with great results!

California Sloppy Joe and Sprite Tea

2011-01-08T12:15:00.001-06:00

Originally posted on cafemom Apr 22, 2008 at 5:57 PM

image courtesy stockxchng

I was craving a chili sandwich (which I was jokingly calling a Mexian Sloppy Joe in my head--although there IS a recipe for it online) but also wanted an avocado sandwich. My solution...Yup!

California Sloppy Joe
(so named because of the avocado--add mayo for authentic California taste)

Smush the avocado into the bread and then ladel chili over it. Close the sandwich. I prefer 7 grain bread myself. Yum!! OMG, I'm in heaven. SO delicious.

Just thought I'd share.

Oh, and anyone who likes Sprite, here's my recipe for:

photo courtesy of stockxchng

Sprite Tea

One glass (8oz) Sprite*, chilled. One bag lemon cold brew iced tea. Put tea bag into the sprite as though it was water. The bubbles mix it faster than with water. Take out bag, squeeze it into the drink, stir and enjoy!

*(Organic lemon-lime soda can be substituted)

VBAC With Multiples IS Possible!

2010-12-27T12:20:00.005-06:00

"In women with twins a trial of labor after a previous cesarean section is a safe and effective alternative to routine repeat cesarean delivery."1

(note for those watching video--TTTT is twin-to-twin transfusion and IUGR is intra-uterine growth restriction)

"A French study... suggested that Caesarean delivery more than triples a woman's risk of dying in childbirth compared with a vaginal birth."

http://www.homebirth.org.uk/vbactwins.htm

http://www.radmid.demon.co.uk/twins.htm

"When a cesarean is necessary, it can be a lifesaving technique for both mother and baby, and worth the risks involved. With half the cesareans being performed deemed unnecessary by WHO, the risks these mothers and babies are exposed to are avoidable and costly."

"An analysis in Great Britain revealed that women were 5.5 times more likely to die of an elective cesarean, than a vaginal birth (9 versus 2 per 100,000). A Dutch study found that [ceareans] caused seven times more deaths than vaginal births (28 versus 4 per 100,000)."

"Vaginal delivery when a first twin is vertex and a second is nonvertex (breech) is a safe alternative to cesarean section, according to a study presented at the HGO World Congress of Gynecology and Obstetrics."2

"In selected cases vaginal delivery of triplet gestations can be accomplished without increased maternal or neonatal morbidity and mortality and may significantly decrease maternal hospital stay and postoperative morbidity. (Am J Obstet Gynecol 1998;179:1133-5.)"3

1. http://www.ajog.org/article/S0002-9378%2896%2970274-0/abstract

2. http://www.thefreelibrary.com/If+second+twin+is+breech,+vaginal+delivery+still+safe%3A+study+of+107...-a0112542267 and http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0CYD/is_1_39/ai_112542267/

3. http://www.ajog.org/article/S0002-9378%2898%2970119-X/abstract

Please remember that I had a cesarean myself and that I do not post this in ignorance to the procedure nor without compassion to those who have undergone it. This is merely informational to present that [attempted] vaginal birth is a viable and safe option for twins and some triplets, even if they are a VBAC. I am not a doctor and this does not substitute for medical advice.

Children Live Here (a poem)

2010-12-22T11:10:00.004-06:00

I wrote this this morning while I was lying in bed, trying to decide if I wanted more sleep or wanted to get up. It popped into my head, so my decision was made for me by my muse--get up and write!

image courtesy of stockxchng

Children Live Here

When we welcome you here today
We hope that you enjoy your stay
But one thing we ask you hold dear
Please remember: children live here

There are toys on the floor
Some marks on the door
Clothes scattered in the hall
And marker on the wall
We'll repaint it someday
But we have no time today

There are things in the sink
A Barbie skating rink
This stuff doesn't bother us
And real friends don't raise a fuss
They know the reason is clear
Yes, they know children live here

Instead of cleaning the wall
We went out and learned about Fall
In lieu of the porch being swept
I held the baby who slept
Those clothes were for dress up
While I cleaned a bigger mess up
And the noise tells everyone near
There's no doubt children live here

The happy laughter means more
Than seeing all of the floor
And please respect those kids
For this home is hers and his
We hold our family dear
And you knew children live here.

image courtesy of stockxchng

Since I've been asked many times for permission to print this--anyone may print and share this as they like as long as they give proper credit to me :) My pseudonym is H.S. Hines for author credit.

Risks To Baby From Cesarean Section Birth

2010-12-17T16:07:00.004-06:00

Originally published Nov 6, 2008 at 12:08 AM on Cafemom

So, I read a surprising comment today--someone believing the risk of amniocentesis outweighs the risk of a cesarean to the baby. She said that a cesarean has its risks, but amnio could be the end of the world.

Do people really think a cesarean is that SAFE? I'm sorry, but it's not. And while, yes, the risks to mom are higher than risks to baby, just because those risks are frightening and include horrific infections, infertility, death, etc. does not make the risks to baby insignificant (and they are still greater than to a baby born vaginally and include a 3x increase in risk in death).

Here's just the short list, so you don't have to drag through all the papers and sources I have.

image courtesy of stockxchng

Risks to baby from cesarean section birth

Breathing problems^[1]

weakened immune system^[2]

digestive problems^[3]

fetal injury^[4]

diabetes (risk is 20% greater for babies born by c-birth)^[5]

asthma (risk is 50% greater)^[6]

neonatal depression (from anesthesia)^[7]

hospital borne infections (rate is higher due to the longer stay after a c-birth)^[8]

neonatal mortality (risk rises from .62 to 1.77)^[9]

and increased risk of SIDS^[10]

Low APGARS^[11]

There's the list of the most common side effects. I know that most people aren't aware of them, so that's why I compiled a list here. I couldn't find a comprehensive list anywhere else. I may expand this journal with a short synopsis of each condition at a later date.

My daughter was born by cesarean, beautifully, APGARS of 9, no side effects that we know of. But that doesn't negate that these risks are real and any baby born by cesarean could be affected in one of the ways above. It's important to be informed about the potential risks in any procedure being performed on you or your baby.

image courtesy of stockxchng

^[8]Pai, Madhukar. 2000. “Medical Interventions: Caesareans Sections as a Case Study.” Economic and Political Weekly 35 (31): 2755-2761.

What You Should Know About Shoulder Dystocia

2010-12-03T14:35:00.007-06:00

Photo courtesy of stockxchng

This is something that my doctor loved to threaten me with when I was carrying Lilly. It was ridiculous because 1. my daughter was perfectly normal sized and 2. I had no intention of birthing on my back, which is the primary cause of problems, and my doctor knew this and had agreed to it. She was just angry that I wouldn't consent to an unnecessary induction for her convenience.

What is Shoulder Dystocia? It's a very rare and serious complication in which baby's shoulders get stuck that affects babies of all sizes, though it occurs slightly more frequently in babies that are over 9lbs. It's still rare, however, and not something that you should spend time worrying about. There is no way to accurately predict it ahead of time and any provider talking about it is likely looking for the bigger paycheck that comes with a cesarean birth (the difference? vaginal birth: $10K, cesarean birth: $25K and a VBAC costs more than a regular vaginal birth, thus, it's always in an OBs best financial interest to go for a cesarean--though it's NOT in mom's OR baby's, as mom is 5.5 times more likely to die and baby is 3 times more likely to die and complications of less serious natures are far more frequent as well).

So, doctors love to say, "Your baby is too big," (usually based on faulty ultrasound data, despite the fact that ultrasounds can be wrong by 2lbs or even more and become useless in determining size after week 20). The reason is usually shoulder dystocia. Many techniques have been used over the years, including just killing the baby, though the most success has been found in the easiest technique to date--the Gaskin Maneuver. The Gaskin Maneuver consists of having mom roll onto all fours (or assisting if necessary). During the process, many babies become dislodged and pop right out. If this doesn't happen, then the doctor actually has better access to help wiggle the baby around until the shoulder releases and the rest of baby is born (Woods or Rubin maneuver).

Most obstetricians don't even know that this maneuver exists, though most midwives are trained in it. In one study, it was shown to be effective in 83% of use without any further maneuvers. No maternal or perinatal mortality occurred. Morbidity was noted in only four deliveries: a single case of postpartum hemorrhage that did not require transfusion (maternal morbidity, 1.2%), one infant with a fractured humerus and three with low APGAR scores (neonatal morbidity, 4.9%).

Many doctors use traction (pulling on baby's head) or fundal pressure (where the nurse climbs on the bed and jumps down onto your stomach) before anything else and these are not only the least effective techniques, but dangerous to mother and baby.

The McRoberts maneuver (where mom's legs are brought up as far back toward her stomach as possible, which realigns the pubic bone and can slip baby's shoulder out) should be tried first and if failing, suprapubic pressure (where the doctor or nurse makes a fist and pushes hard on the baby's shoulder just above the pubic bone) can be applied. Next, the Gaskin maneuver should be performed and if that fails, then Woods and Rubin maneuvers can be tried.

McRoberts is effective in 39.5% of cases and in 58% with the addition of the suprapubic pressure. These methods can cause serious injury to the mother (McRoberts can injure mom's legs, particularly the femur and hips), but are typically safe to the baby. Woods does not have an available statistic for effectiveness and can break the baby's humerus. The Rubin maneuver is the opposite of Woods and requires less traction and causes significantly less injury.

Australia is currently training doctors in fracture of the clavicle, which has been dismissed until now as so dangerous to the baby and difficult to perform that it should not be used. However, it is used in some cases and can be lifesaving for baby. It's a severe emergency procedure that should not be attempted until all others have failed.

The Gaskin maneuver is most criticized due to it requiring the mother to be able to roll over and support herself on her hands and knees--something that is difficult, if not impossible, to do with a normal epidural. That's the only criticism, however, that is keeping it from being more widely studied and implemented.

The evidence from the literature on shoulder dystocia shows clearly that shoulder dystocia cannot be predicted with any degree of accuracy and it cannot be prevented by any specific strategies or maneuvers. Half of the babies in the Gaskin study were not larger than average and many were in the 5lb range. The worst outcomes did occur in the 'macrosomic' (larger than 10lbs) category. However, 'macrosmia' is not a sole cause nor does it always lead to shoulder dystocia. In fact, over 90% of macrosomic babies can be delivered vaginally without incident.

Perhaps in those "birth plan creators" that are available all over the internet that include sections on emergency births, preferences on maneuvers should be included in the event of shoulder dystocia. It's unlikely that doctors would be open to this, however, despite evidence of effectiveness and safety of the procedure, simply because they have no experience with it.

The best thing you can do as a pregnant woman is to be educated and if your doctor brings up the issue, discuss it with him/her. Eve if they don't, it might be useful to know their typical management of shoulder dystocia in case of emergency and their willingness to attempt maneuvers with less risk to mother and baby, even if unconventional, before the more dangerous, riskier maneuvers. It's also important to stay calm and follow your care provider's direction if the complication does arise.

Maneuver illustrations:

Traction:

McRoberts:

suprapubic pressure:

Woods Screw Maneuver:

Rubin Maneuver:

Gaskin Maneuver:

Musing on Gestational Diabetes

2010-11-30T11:58:00.007-06:00

For all intents and purposes, this blog refers to Type A1 gestational diabetes only: "abnormal oral glucose tolerance test (OGTT) but normal blood glucose levels during fasting and 2 hours after meals; diet modification is sufficient to control glucose levels"1

photo courtesy stockxchng

So, you're in the sixth month of pregnancy and the doctor says that at your next appointment, you are going to be tested for gestational diabetes. She explains that you are going to be given a drink an hour before blood is drawn to see if you have GD. She doesn't give you much other information. At some offices, you will be sent home with the glucola (sometimes you even get to pick your flavor), while at others, you go in the day of testing, an hour before, and are given the drink.

Let's say you're in the second group, like I was the first time. So, on the day of, you get up and have breakfast as usual. A couple hours later, you go in and you get your drink. You choke it down (I thought it tasted fine, but many women complain of the taste) and then go sit in the chairs to wait for your test. You go to the phlebotomist's chair and she either draws a vial of blood or pricks your finger, depending on the office. You get your bandaid and go home (probably craving something high in protein or a lot of water).

You go in for your next appointment to find out you failed the test. Next, you are told that you'll have to take the fasting three hour test. You are given a date and you fret and worry about what this means. Your doctor assures you that many women who fail the one hour test pass the three hour test.

So, on the day of, you go in, your stomach growling, possibly having a return of the dreaded morning sickness because your blood sugar is so low. They take your blood and send you off with your drink. You choke it down (it's even worse this time) and are informed that if you throw up or consume anything else, you automatically fail and have to do it again. You can have as much water as you want, though.

You go sit in the chairs and read a book or magazine for the next hour, or watch a movie on a portable DVD player. You get your blood taken again. Then back to the chairs. At this point, you may be feeling dizzy and faint. You reach your chair gratefully and try hard to distract yourself against how crummy you're feeling. The second hour takes forever to pass, but you get there and have your blood drawn again. At this point, you may feel irritable and nauseated. You don't want to do this again, though, so you desperately try to not throw up. Just one more hour. Maybe you have some water. You probably need to pee. The baby's hyper and the rolling around and elbowing you in the stomach is not helping your nausea. You pick up your book or movie and put it down, unable to concentrate. You space off. You finally get back to reading or watching and find out that you made it. One last poke and the vampire is done with you.

You bolt from the office right for the nearest fast food to appease the baby, who is sucking all the nutrients from your starved body. Food at last!! You find out at the follow up appointment that you failed. You're told your numbers: 80, 195, 156, 120. These numbers probably don't mean a lot to you, especially since you're devastated and wondering what this all means to you. No more crackers in the morning? No cake at your baby shower?

You're told that you just need to monitor your sugar and diet and see a nutritionist and that there is no reason to worry. You are now high risk and will probably have a huge baby who will need bottles to stabilize him after he's born, but it's okay. The doctor will perform a cesarean to save you from this all if she needs to. You should probably try to pump some milk to prepare if you don't want the hospital to give your baby a bottle.

Now, let's examine what you should have questioned in the above scenario.

"...you get up and have breakfast as usual."

The day of your one hour test, you should be careful about your breakfast. Avoid carbohydrates as much as you can--absolutely no juice or soda pop! If you drink coffee, it should be black. If you drink tea, the same thing. The absolute best thing for you is to only drink water. Even milk is full of sugar. No bananas! They may seem like an innocent fruit, but they are a sugar-spiking fiend in the least diabetic of people! Have some eggs and bacon. Not the healthiest breakfast, no, but you need protein to break down blood sugar in your body. Have a handful of raw almonds, too (or any natural nut of your choice).

"You go sit in the chairs and read a book or magazine for the next hour, or watch a movie on a portable DVD player."

Don't sit! If you have a long drive to the doctor after drinking your glucola, then go an hour early and drink it there. Walk around the office. Jog. Do some light exercise that you would normally do. But whatever you do, don't just sit there. Your body won't burn the carbs properly just by sitting. Don't worry about what other people think about it, lead by example or at least just protect your own body.

If you fail the one hour test still, there isn't a lot you can do for the three hour test, except to remain active throughout, no matter how crappy you feel. You can avoid a lot of carbs the day before it, but you need to keep your blood sugar as level as possible.

Next, know your numbers! The list of numbers I gave before indicates someone who does not have diabetes. In fact, they were almost exactly my numbers. The first is a normal fasting glucose number, then the second is a high spike that isn't an abnormal reaction to the amount of glucola that they give you. The third is one point above fail, which is a faster sugar drop than they are looking for, but they look solely at numbers, not at pattern. The final number is more than just a passing number--it's a pass with flying colors. Again, this pattern should be seen as a sign of insulin working pretty well, but it's a definite fail. If the numbers had looked like this:

95, 200, 165, 145

Then you most definitely have a problem.

Now, it's not a bad thing to follow a healthy diabetic diet with a failed test and to monitor your sugar, particularly if you've had symptoms (extreme thirst, dizziness, nausea) to identify problem areas. Me, I found out that I was waking up borderline hypoglycemic (70mg/dl) if I didn't have a chocolate cake at bedtime each night. Yes, Little Debbie and I had a standing appointment. She didn't spike me and I didn't feel like crap when I woke up in the morning. Win-win. Medicinal chocolate, lol.

Now, where it is dangerous is the assumption that any level of glucose intolerance (including just being intolerant to the stupid test) will negatively impact the baby. Let's start with "big baby".

First, as recently as the early 1900s, a 10lb baby received congratulations to the mother for growing such a 'healthy baby' and a 6lb baby was received in hushed tones and worries about such a small baby being born. Sometimes the mother was even scolded for 'starving' her baby (even though 6lbs is a valid weight, as is 10lbs). Now, the average is 7.5lbs, but that's hardly a cutoff. After all, women can birth nearly 14lb babies naturally.2 Many women that I've known report that their bigger, 9-11lb babies were actually easier than their smaller (6-8lb) ones! Not always, of course--my best friend's mom had problems with her nearly 12lb baby in that she tore six ways to Sunday, but her others were 11-something, 10-something and a couple of 9lbers and she didn't have problems.

A lot of the worry about big babies comes from shoulder dystocia. This is a very rare complication that can occur in babies of any size, but is considered higher risk in babies of larger sizes. The true risks of shoulder dystocia include: malpositioned baby, mother in the lithotomy position or otherwise on her back and/or tailbone and any monitoring or drugs that limit mother's movement (if you're going to get an epidural, make sure it's the lowest dose they can do or that it's turned off long before pushing!). If you suspect a large baby, it's important to have a provider who knows the Gaskin Maneuver,3 which has been shown quite successful and is pretty easy--just roll mom onto all fours. From that position, if baby is not released by the act of rolling over, some otherwise difficult maneuvers become much easier to perform to attempt to dislodge baby. If unsuccessful, mom can be rolled back and the usual "nurse jumps on the fundus" maneuver that most OBs use exclusively, can be performed. This is very dangerous for the baby, so it should be left as a last resort. However, a cesarean is not needed in most cases and never to just prevent the possibility of a rare incidence.

If you're worried about a big baby and tearing--let me tell you, as someone who's had both a cesarean and a terrible, messy tear with my VBAC, that a tear is preferable to recovering from abdominal surgery. Especially with a dependent infant!

The next risk for a baby in regards to gestational diabetes is elevated blood sugar leading to crash at birth. If mom's sugars are well-regulated, this isn't actually a risk. Some researchers believe that much of the elevated sugar accompanied by no symptoms is actually natural stores in the maternal bloodstream as backup for the baby and doesn't actually go to the baby.4 However, in cases of controlled sugars, there is no excess to cause the spike that leads to the crash and it's more likely that the fasting during labor may be a bigger risk to the baby (eat during labor, ladies, regardless of 'hospital policy' or diabetes status! It matters!), leaving baby born with low blood sugar. Bring baby straight to breast from birth to help with this.

The real risk of being diagnosed with gestational diabetes is that your chances of cesarean skyrocket because management may lead to risk factors for pre-eclampsia. Also, many women are not properly counseled or are told to "avoid carbs" (very dangerous for both mom and baby! Diabetics take in more carbs than you are probably aware!) or go straight on insulin (also dangerous, as taking insulin with no need can lead to an insulin coma).

So, before you just blindly consent to the test, as your doctor or midwife what options are available. If you are in a low risk category, ask if you can be allowed to skip. If you cannot, ask what other forms of testing are available that would be easier on your body and your baby if you fail the one hour test (and do not consent to the fasting one hour test--it's outdated). Find out how your practitioner will respond if you fail the tests and if they start talking about cesareans--get another doctor. I still, to this day, regret not following that advice. Also find out hospital policy as to what they will do to your baby, particularly if you plan on breastfeeding.

In the end, non-insulin-dependent gestational diabetes is really not a cause for concern--at least not regarding birth. Don't freak out and don't let yourself be 'managed' into unnecessary surgery.

Like many women, after I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, I never showed any symptoms and my sugar never spiked into the danger zone. The worst it got was after my baby shower, where I had ice cream cake, fruit pizza and bread rolls. It was no higher than expected in a non-diabetic after that fair, either! My baby was the exact same weight at 42 weeks as her sister at 39weeks, 6 days (who I did not have GD with).

Knowing this is important as well to know that not all women diagnosed with GD are at risk for Type 2 diabetes, despite the media hype to the contrary.

If you'd like to avoid the risk altogether, you might consider Dr. Brewer's Diet which is available for many dietary needs.

1.Gabbe S.G., Niebyl J.R., Simpson J.L. OBSTETRICS: Normal and Problem Pregnancies. Fourth edition. Churchill Livingstone, New York, 2002
2. CTV News: B.C. Family Welcomes Very Big Bundle of Joy
3. The Gaskin Maneuver and The Farm Midwives: Dystocia
4. "Gestational Diabetes: Myth or Metabolism?" by Joy Jones, RN (p. 59)

You're Doing It Wrong!

2010-11-26T10:59:00.003-06:00

Men aren't as helpless as most women think. And the helplessness they display is not imprinted on the Y chromosome, no matter how much we've convinced ourselves otherwise. The fact is that men are trained to be helpless--usually by the very people who most want their help: women.

I'm not talking about domestic duties (although many men act like the trash magically gathers itself and that they might blow up the washing machine if they have to try to use it) but in being an equal partner in parenting.

Now the defeatism usually starts in that first year when most babies are programmed to automatically want Mommy for everything. If Mom's breastfeeding, this typically means that when it comes to feeding (which, in the first two months, seems to be every waking moment!) Daddy IS helpless. The things he can do at those times promote more of a bond with Mom than Junior (and is that a bad thing? Staying bonded with Mom?). However, feeding is hardly the end-all of parenting a new baby and most women don't breastfeed or at least don't do it exclusively. Dirty diapers are not the only other thing that babies need taken care of, either.

However, the really defeating thing comes when Mom says, "Here, let me do it." There's a learning curve, ladies! We had to do it, so does he! Also, guess what? There's not just one single way to do everything.

I know that's hard to hear. It's hard for me to deal with, personally. I hear my husband taking care of the kids and I want to run in and correct this or that and despite what he'd say to the contrary, I actually have been practicing restraint lately and letting him just do it.

Now, some things, he's always been a pro at--like diapers and dressing the kiddos--but he had an advantage: a baby sister. I was the last born in my immediate family and until I was holding my own, I never touched a new born baby. My sister called me in to help out with her second and I loved it, but she was already a few weeks old before I actually held her. I did learn some tricks to colic, though, that were nice and useful! But for real baby care, of course she did most of it and mainly when I wasn't there.

My husband, however, was right there with his little sister for it all. He even did his share, since he was an older child when she was born. So he came with more confidence and expereience than the average man--and yet, he was just as nervous as any new father and felt just as clueless as to what to do with himself.

Now, I'm not going to sacrifice the baby by just leaving her with him (she was a nursing maniac and wanted nothing to do with him, poor guy--it's no wonder he ended up feeling helpless!), so he didn't get thrown into the deep end like many men who become baby pros do.

It was really later, though, as he was building up his confidence because she started wanting to spend time with him (as everyone had assured that she would!) that I started breaking it down. Correcting small little things, "Oh, I don't do it that way." "You're taking too long, let me do it." "Oh, no, you're doing it wrong!" I don't know why. I just don't seem to know how to walk away and let him do it, so I hover and watch, (which, let's admit, is like watching someone with a different video game style playing--you want to take over and show them how it's really done). Instead, lately, I've started forcing myself to find other things to do when I've asked him to help out or if the kids have asked him.

But it doesn't start when baby comes home. It starts long before that, when our husbands were boys and somebody's sons. First, the gender boxing. "Boys can't wear pink." "Boys can't play with dolls (and if they do, we must call them action figures)." Boys even often get kicked out of playing house in pretty much all forms. They might wander their way into a play kitchen.

Now I don't know if this attitude is as widespread as it was when I was a kid, because I live in this neat little bubble where the vast majority of my friends are against gender boxing. I still have some that were raised with and cling to the idea of boys toys vs. girls toys, but they are the minority now.

This continues later as boys grow into young men. Girls in the family are often sent to look after siblings and do domestic duties while boys are sent to look after cars and do yard maintenance (which leads to the feminine version of helplessness where women think they can't change a tire or mow the lawn). It's becoming more popular to let boys in on the domestic duties (especially since most major chefs are men and men need to pick up after themselves, too) and teach girls car care, but mainly, boys are still not included in the child care development.

This discrepancy can really be seen in one of the first teen jobs: babysitting. Now, while I know parents who'd take a boy babysitter who's known to be responsible, this isn't true in most homes. Even most homes who say they'd hire a boy to babysit, if offered the choice between two inexperienced teens, one male and one female, they are going to pick the girl. Women are just identified as more nurturing and boys are held with the misandrist view that they're unpredictable and dangerous.

I happen to know someone who's first husband lost his virginity to his babysitter when he was 10. So, uh, yeah... nurturing... And yet, more people would be horrified if the gender was reversed--somehow, it's okay for a 10 year old boy to decide to have sex with a 16 year old girl, but the other way around? They're both statutory and they're both just as harmful for the 10 year old.

But that's beside the point. This all leads to men having less training when the kids get in in a lot of homes, but certainly not all! I've seen homes where the women had less experience, most definitely. Sometimes even in these, though, the men are made helpless by that mama bear instinct.

It bothers me a lot when a group of women is talking about their husbands and one brings up a situation she wants to change where the group response is, "What do you expect? He's a man!"

That is just as wrong as a woman going into a new profession, stumbling and having the men say, "What do you expect? She's a woman!" Oh, there the tempers fly! Misogyny cannot be let go, but blaming a gender for the inefficiencies of its individuals who happen to have a Y chromosome? That's fine. Actually, that's called misandry and it's not fine.

It's damaging. It damages the men who are just left to flounder, unaware that they could learn the very skills they have been told men just aren't any good at. It damages our sons, who hear this garbage and grow up believing that's just how it is. It damages marriages who crumble because women have been taught that they're supposed to do everything. It damages women who really are left to carry more burden than they can handle and don't know that it's okay to ask their husband for help and to let him learn and let him make mistakes. We made them, too.

Yes, sometimes we had our mothers, sisters, aunts, random other women in our lives standing over us and correcting us. But most of us have the strength to say, "I'm glad that worked for you, but this is what works for me." Men aren't taught to communicate that way. Most end up angry, hurt, resentful and not knowing how to express that in a way that doesn't blow up in their faces or just assuming that they really can't do it.

Obviously, not all men are like this, just as not all women are. But this is the average family. And it doesn't have to be.

Men can wear their babies, dress them, bathe them, give them solids when they're six months or older, play with them, do tummy time and Gymboree with them. Oh, yes, they can! They can hold them close and make rumbling noises in their chest that we can't and that babies find soothing. He can take Junior to the potty in a super-hurry because she's got to go NOW! He can gather up toys and decide how the playroom is arranged and pick out the kids' clothes (and it's not the end of the world if his fashion sense is different from ours). He can wipe their face differently, he can put their socks on after their pants and their hat on before their shirt and it still all ends up on there. He can brush their teeth and play video games with them, etc.

Dad can do it. And if we're lucky enough to have a husband who wants to (even if just to try), or even is just willing to try, we darn well need to let him.

Breastfeeding Isn't Easy

2010-11-12T15:03:00.006-06:00

I see comments all the time about how "it was just too hard" as though the mothers who continued breastfeeding had it easy. Because sore nipples, plugged ducts, mastitis, feedings every 1-2 hours, dealing with flow issues and upset tummies as a result, worrying about supply because there's no ounce markers, having to change one's diet to adjust for baby's intolerance(s) or allergies, feeding sessions lasting up to three hours, cracked nipples, bleeding nipples and blood blisters, scathing remarks/glares if we dare feed our babies out of our own house and in some cases, supplemental feeding systems... are easy?

Honestly, though, who said parenting was easy? And taking shortcuts may not be cheating in the traditional sense, but it cheats baby out of the benefits of the standard of care. Not just nursing, but in all aspects of parenting. "You aren't managing a convenience, you're raising a human being."

I'm not looking for your story about why it was so much harder for you than my friend who doesn't make 50% of the supply she needs to exclusively nurse and yet doesn't use bottles. Or me, who had a baby who screamed at the sight of my breast, weak suck, latch issues, one side preference, etc. Or blood blisters, choking from overactive letdown, living in horrible pain postponing surgery to get to a point where my baby would have enough of my milk to get through it... Or the mom friends I have with PCOS. Or those who've had to adjust their medications for breastfeeding-friendly ones. Those who live in daily pain trying to reach a minimum goal of nursing before going on medications or having surgery that would make it all better.

I've heard all the stories and I know moms who really couldn't do it (I have friends that even I would have/did encourage to stop for both mom and baby's sanity/health) and moms who did it when no one else believed they could--because they refused to take "no" for an answer.

The whole point of this is that it's NOT always easy with floods of happy hormones. I don't enjoy nursing. I enjoy the benefits, sure, and how deliriously happy it makes my kids. I don't notice any "special bond" or go to la la happy hormone land. I don't do it for me.

Inspired by HeidiLJ

Less than 2% of women don't make enough milk to exclusively breastfeed. That doesn't mean they shouldn't breastfeed at all, just that they need to supplement. Even that can be done at the breast now. Less than 5% can't do that for other reasons (mastectomy, medications, psychological trauma, etc.). But the number of mothers who bottle feed is closer to 40% that goes up the closer to a year you get. The number of women who nurse to the recommended 2 year minimum is only like 12%.So those who even make it half way (one year) is only like 35%. So all of those women have a reason to be proud--out of the 93%-95% that should have nursed that long, they were the ones who did. I'm not saying that bottle feeding is never okay or even necessary! I'm just saying that parenting isn't easy and there are more options than most people even know!

One Becomes Many

2010-11-05T13:58:00.004-05:00

Every one counts. Sometimes, when we try to share the information we've learned, even if it's lifesaving (such as simply sliding up the chest clip on an infant in his car seat or pulling the straps tight), it's rejected. And sometimes, someone thanks you because they just didn't know. Other times, you receive no thanks, or even get cursed. Some of those people think angry thoughts about you for a little while and forget you forever after. Others are angry until they realize that what you said is not only true, but that you only meant to help.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, 'The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: "If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But... the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?"'

Recommending "first do no harm" is so often met with disdain, sarcasm, dismissal, defensiveness ("Well, that's the way it was for me and I'M fine!"--often from people who are anything but) and outright hostility. It makes no sense and it's discouraging. Sometimes one wonders why to even keep trying. Well, with much thanks to Danielle at Peaceful Parenting for sharing a story that explains why we do keep trying, I'm passing this story along:

Image courtesy ~foureyestock

From The Star Thrower by anthropologist and writer, Loren Eiseley (1907-1977)

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out, "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied, "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they will die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

Note: This is a true story that Eiseley wrote about. He was the 'wise man' walking the beach before his morning writing session. He encountered this young man throwing starfish back into the ocean and was forever impacted by the experience. His story is told in many forms, in many places - but rarely is credit given to Eiseley as the original author and subject of the narrative.

Another discouraging thought many people have is: "How does my voice matter? I'm only one person." This is from anything in life that we want to see change. Yes, you are one person. Just as the person who shared their knowledge with me was just one person. Now we're two. From there, many hear our words and if just one person listens to each of us, we are four. Then eight. Sixteen. Thirty-two. I think you can continue the math. Rarely, though, does one person only affect one person.

Look at a teacher in a classroom--a typical classroom of an average of 20 students. Every year or even twice a year if high school. For twenty years of teaching, that is 400-800 kids. I had a microbiology teacher who imparted life wisdom that was actually usable in addition to the science. He taught me about Shettles and delayed cord clamping and the importance of avoiding debt (except for home ownership) because he thought it would be interesting to us. I don't know how many of my classmates listened, but I did. I pass that information along to people who pass it along.

One person is only one person when their voice is silent. Gandhi said, "Nearly everything you do is of no importance, but it is important that you do it," and "Non-cooperation with evil is as much a duty as is cooperation with good." Voltaire said, "Stand upright, speak thy thoughts, declare The truth thou hast, that all may share; Be bold, proclaim it everywhere: They only live who dare." As well as, "The instruction we find in books is like fire. We fetch it from our neighbours, kindle it at home, communicate it to others, and it becomes the property of all." Dr. King said, "History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people."

They were all "one person." I'm not saying that we will become famous for spreading the information, just that "one person" doesn't mean a lot, because all groups are made up of a lot of "one person".

"Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better." -Dr. MLK, Jr.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mohandas Gandhi

Anniversary!

2010-11-01T16:21:00.001-05:00

Today is my 6th year wedding anniversary with my husband. We have been a couple for 9 years now.

When I met his home for the first time (don't seem to have any scans of us together when we first met):

a pic of him when we first met, before the one above:

When I brought him back here:

Our wedding (handfasting):

guest book:

The altar (each bowl had one of each element: air, earth, fire, water):

water, fire, earth, air:

Me, the bride (that's a parrot play gym we built from PVC in the background, lol):

The women of the wedding (back: two bridesmaids, me, my maid of honor. front: my nieces: jr. bridesmaid and flower girl)

The men (and female groomsman--DH's little sister) of the wedding: Groomsmen, best man (DH was his best man, too) and groom:

fire's moment in the ceremony:

our hands, tied (how many people actually 'tie the knot?' LOL):

The kiss:

and the cake:

cards:

Happy Halloween! (Ghost Stories)

2010-10-29T16:39:00.007-05:00

image courtesy of my husband's pumpkin carving skillz

I originally posted this as a contest entry for Halloween stories. Everything here is completely true to the best of my knowledge and represents paranormal experiences I've had--just in time for Halloween!

My experience with the paranormal began as a child. I was always 'sensitive' to unseen things and was good at predicting small events, like phone calls and things that people were going to say.

When I was 12, I had a best friend (who was basically my ONLY friend at the time) and we both became sick and missed school. We saw each other at the Boys and Girls club and she asked me to come home with her. Afraid of getting in trouble (and afraid of going a new place without anyone knowing where I was), I begged off and went home.

At home, I talked with her on the phone for a while and taught her "American Pie" ("This will be the day that I die") after "Paint It Black" and some other oldies. She loved them. At the end of the call, she had to go take her medicine and we sang American Pie one last time.

That night, I had terrible dreams about fire and trying to find her.

The next day, my mom came home and said, "Heather, it's April..."

I just looked up and said, "Is she dead?"

There had been a fire and because of the cough medicine she took, she never woke up. Her mother lost both her daughters that night (her sons survived) partly because of the burglar bars on their windows. April was 12, like me and her sister was in high school.

Then there was the terribly haunted house I lived in in high school (a toaster once flew across the kitchen at my mom's head while I was in the living room, coming to the kitchen--it flew outward by about 2' right at her from on top of the fridge to where she was cooking at the stove and there were people who absolutely refused to set foot in our house--they would get to the threshold and freeze, uncomfortable and then leave... amongst too many other stories). My best friend was the only person comfortable with being downstairs alone at night there. There was one ghost on the stairs that kept any others from coming up.

On to when my husband and I first met in person (we met online months before). He flew here and then flew us down to New Orleans to meet with more friends from our online group. While there, we stayed in an Inn in Geismar. We had one jacket and hung it on the single coat rod. Randomly, it would slide back and forth along the totally level rod. We checked everywhere and there was no draft, no airflow at all to move it. And it slid both ways.

Going back a way, I was on a family vacation with a friend, coming back from Colorado (to Missouri) when it became late and we pulled into this small town to find a place to sleep. I could see shapes moving out in the darkness and this pervasive sense of Wrong filled me with terror and the need to leave. Immediately.

I started telling my friend we couldn't stay there, we had to get away, get away now. Her walkie talkie buzzed on and her parents (in a separate vehicle) said, "Your sister is freaking out and says we have to leave. We're thinking we might want to find another town to stay in tonight."

My friend confirmed that I was acting the exact same way and thankfully her parents were spiritual people who believed us. I don't remember what town it was, just a small one in KS before we got to Salina, which is where we ended up staying. But in two separate vehicles, her little sister and I saw and felt the exact same thing. She described exactly what I had.

And for my last ghost story... In the last house we lived in before this one, there was one night where I felt this incredibly disturbing feeling. I felt sick and terrified and knew exactly where it was coming from--like hearing a sound, only with a completely different sense.

I felt it moving around the house and locked the doors in fear. Then this scratching sound started on the back porch door (enclosed porch--the door was non-functional--we used it as a library). I was freaking out and staring at the source of the sound and then a banging started against it. I touched the glass of the door with my left hand that led to the porch and jerked my hand back. There were scratches up and down my left arm. I started praying frantically and it faded away.

When my husband (then fiance) got home, I had him look and there were scratches on my arm and my shoulder where I couldn't see.

I warded the house after that. In this one, there's some disturbing negative sense that both I and my youngest feel toward the back porch/back yard, but the house is basically neutral.

Well, there's a short summary of many of the ghost stories I've lived personally. Happy Halloween!

image again courtesy of my husband's pumpkin carving skillz