Rant regarding "Gay Lifestyle"

This rant was originally posted on my personal facebook page, but has been updated for this entry.

Pictured: Not a lifestyle. Just a couple.

Being gay is not a "lifestyle."

It isn't a choice.

I'm. Gay.

No, not 100%. I'm about 80%. I didn't choose to fall in love with a guy any more than I chose to fall in love with my girlfriend before him. Love isn't a choice. (nor am I complaining -- I love my husband, and am very aware of how awesome it is that he loves me, too)

A "lifestyle" is a choice. Being vegan is a lifestyle. Being a bigot is a lifestyle. Being a paleontologist is a lifestyle (for some). Being a biker is a lifestyle. Being someone who loves to wear little hats (and does) is a lifestyle.

Pictured: some people's obsession. Credit: stockxchng

Being gay is like having a great metabolism or tiny toenails or good skin or a lighter beard than the hair on your head. It's a part of you that you have no control over.

Even being Bisexual/Pansexual, you still don't. have. a. Choice. People think you have more choices, but really, no. I mean, you have a choice for who you sleep with, sure, but not who you fall in love with and want to marry. That stuff's just going to happen.

Gay people have lifestyles, like everyone else. Some revolve around their sexuality, but their sexuality itself is not a lifestyle. Hell, being married is a lifestyle. But it's no different for a straight couple than a gay couple, outside there being only one gender. 

Sure, maybe the married gay couple down the street in house 21b has a different marriage style than the heterosexual married couple in house 25a. So what? So might the other heterosexual married couple across the street in house 26. That doesn't have anything to do with their (any of these hypothetical couples') sexual preference -- it has to do with their relationship preferences.

So when you're 'disapproving' of someone being gay, you're 'disapproving' of a part of who they are just like someone who 'disapproves' of someone being black/Hispanic/Asian/First Nation/white/Italian/German/Irish/Korean/Luba/Jamaican/Maya/Cherokee/British, etc. etc. It's not racism, but these statements are equally bigoted:

"I don't approve of them being black."
"I don't approve of their [a gay person's] lifestyle [in reference to their being gay]."

Sure, you can disapprove of their actual lifestyle. Say, you don't approve of gamers or gardeners or church-goers (don't even get me started on the number of churches that are open and welcoming to gay members of the congregation). That just makes you douchey, but not necessarily bigoted (disapproving of someone's lifestyle of dog fighting or creating crush videos or participating in modern slavery would be different, obviously).

Disapproving of his wardrobe choices: personal taste. Disapproving of him being a drag queen: douchey.

Stop calling 'being gay' a 'lifestyle.' Just stop it. It's not. End rant.

Musing on the Rock-It 3.0

So, I randomly do product reviews for the fun of it. This is one of those.

I love music. Do you? Do you have a laptop with such crappy speakers that you can't hear a frelling thing? I do. I also like to listen to music while I cook, but find my headphone cord gets caught on everything (or I'm not wearing something with pockets, and keep dropping my phone). 

My friend was telling me about a new toy he got a week or so ago. It was this little thing that sticks to objects to turn them into speakers. Looks like your typical infomercial junk on the surface.

They work.

He sent me the infomercial first; then he made a video so I could hear it in action. I tried to do that, but screwed up recording and there's no chance my kids will be quiet for 30 seconds again to show you how much my door rocks.

I wanted them right away, but my husband asked a smart question when I was looking for the best price: "Do any retail stores carry it in the area?"

I went to check. I found it at Bed, Bath and Beyond, of all places, for only $9.99 on clearance. Score! Only white. Bleh! Oh, well, that was $5 cheaper than the cheapest amazon price. I could deal with it.

But then came the problem that we couldn't get up to the store to do the site-to-store thing. I figured I'd end up buying them on amazon eventually once they ran out at BB&B. Nope. I got to go up there today!

That's right, they were marked down to $4.99. So I bought two, because one of their features is the ability to 'daisy chain' them to make more sound (or play through more surfaces to get a more full sound). I was planning to spend $9.99, so $9.98 for two was an even better deal.

I figured that at worse, they'd be a fun novelty toy for the kids. At best, I could fix my laptop issue and have music for cooking. I got the best case scenario. My husband plugged one in in the car to charge a bit and then I tested it on the box it came with (good, but a little high on treble for what I like), the van windows (awesome), the van roof (also awesome), my forehead (don't judge me, you know you want to do that now -- it sounded like the music was coming from inside my nose, it was weird), etc.

When I got home, I plugged them in to charge (they start out green and turn red when fully charged, which seems weird). Once they were all charged, it was a free for all through the house. We tried everything from the TARDIS cookie jar to the refrigerator, toaster, oven, bathtub, every door I could find... you get the picture.

The kids brought me every box they had, toy bins, random toys, etc. and we had a sound experiment. No, barbies don't make good speakers. Yes, the orange crate does. Thick objects don't work well, thin, hollow objects work best. Different materials make different tones.

And the sticky pad can be wiped off with a wet finger, allowed to dry (takes 10 seconds at most) and voila. Sticky as new. That was cool to the kids, too, who thought I ruined it when I got it wet.

In the end, I found that my oven vent makes a really good speaker, and the cabinet above it makes an awesome subwoofer. Combined, they are a great stereo system, so cooking will be even more fun from now on.

The infomercial was accurate as far as I've tested it. I'm going to enjoy being a music wizard for a long time to come, I hope!

(something else I just realized after testing it on my guitar is that if I can find my audio jack adapter, I can use my acoustic-electric guitar as its own amp -- I'm so doing this as soon as I find it.)

Kidget Update January 2014

So, I haven't posted anything Mommy related in a while! For shame! As a result, I figure it's time to post an update on my kidgets.

Lilly is seven now! She's a math wiz, struggles a little with reading more due to confidence than actual ability and loves listening to me lecture on just about any science subject I can come up with. Her "most" favorite color is green (as all the colors are her favorite). Her favorite pokemon are Pikachu and Jigglypuff (which was also a hard decision, because there are SO many).

Naomi is five! She has lost two baby teeth and has a grown-up tooth partway in already! She's still a great little artist, which means that her penmanship is equal to and/or greater than her big sister's. She has calmed down a lot in the last year and seldom has the massive unpredictable meltdowns anymore. I do wish she had a volume adjuster. I don't know if she knows how to speak in a volume between whisper and shout. Her favorite color is pink, favorite pokemon are Pikachu, Jigglypuff and Meowth.

Katarina is two! When she was conceived, I wrote my first book. As a result, I wondered if she had her own little muse conceived at the same time. This kid is FULL of imagination. Since she was a tiny baby, she has engaged in imaginative play with her sisters. Instead of getting frustrated when they 'pretend' fed her, she would laugh! She acts out little stories with her toys. For her educational stuff, she can count to five:

While she is unable to tell me her favorite color or pokemon, she did climb up into my lap and tell me that she was a pikachu the other day.

My kids' current obsession is pretending that they're Team Rocket (not Kat, she's there to yell, "Oh no, Team Rocket!" and run away). They're great sisters. Sure, they have their moments where there's screams and "Naomi scratched me!" "Kat bit me!" "Lilly sat on me!" but in general, they stick up for each other (especially Kat, who never misses an opportunity to chew someone out, including me, in defense of someone else), help each other out and genuinely seem to like each other.

I'm not sure how I lucked out this much, but it's got to be the balance to their destructiveness. Last year, they broke a bassinet, an ottoman, a washing machine (tore off the metal bit that pushes the button to tell the machine the door is closed), a tree (I don't even know how), their learning tower (repeatedly -- it's pretty easy to repair), their easel, numerous dolls and to end the year, they tore the freezer door off the fridge (the metal is twisted, but I got it back to working order).

"You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have..."

Sometimes I wonder how they can be so smart and so dumb at the same time. It's fortunate that they're so darned cute.

See how nicely she cuts her cake? She will do it herself and woe to any who attempt to abrogate her.

Her feet are blurred because they are never still. I think they even move in her sleep.

Cheesy grin from my adorable stinker.

And here's the end of the post

Bridges

In July of 2012, I had the pleasure of announcing that I had become a published author, with my first book, Hotel of Lost Souls. In February, I had the joy of announcing the sequel, Pet! 

If you like vampires and Urban Fantasy (especially Anita Blake or Sookie Stackhouse), then you should like my books! Hotel and Pet were a blend of Urban Fantasy and Psychological Horror. Bridges is much more Urban Fantasy/Dark Fantasy. It explores the relationships between the characters and Zack finding his place in his world. It's about life and death and life after death.

From the back cover:

When Zack Henderson made the decision to abandon his ordinary human life, he thought he was giving up on any semblance of normality. The last five years of his life have certainly given him no reason to believe otherwise.

Normal is a point of view.

Zack and his family aren't very traditional, but they are most definitely a family. Now a new threat has moved into town to attempt to destroy it. For years they have put off moving on with their lives. Now it is finally time to face the bridges that once seemed so far away. They can only hope that the threat from the darkness doesn't burn them as they cross.

You can read a sample chapter on Amazon or Lulu and if you like it, you can purchase it from Barnes and Noble,  Amazon, Kobo or Smashwords. All the links for purchase are available at my website.

You don't need an eReader to read my eBook, either! You can read the book now on your phone, tablet, iPad or computer using the Nook App or the Amazon Kindle App (both of which are free!). If you're using an iPad or iPod, you can get Stanza, a free eReading app and read any format that you like! Several other apps are available, too.

If nothing can replace the feel and smell of a real book for you, head on over to Lulu and pick up a slightly-larger-than-average paperback! You'll get to experience it the way it was meant to be read! eBooks can't display the little artsy touches at the beginning of each chapter or the fonts that the handwritten notes in the story use. With a physical book, you get back cover art, too!

You can follow my author page on Facebook if you would like updates on future titles and to be able to connect with me personally as well as other readers. Thanks to everyone who has encouraged me over the years and to everyone who purchased a copy of Hotel of Lost Souls and Pet!

Meme Monday: Scumbag Brain

Another installment of Meme Monday!

Today I give you Scumbag Brain:

Musing on Polyamory

 

 

Well, first, I guess I should state that I'm monogamous, but poly-inclusive. Why am I covering this topic? Well, outside of it being a part of the fiction series I'm writing, I have several polyamorous friends. Now, let me explain what I'm talking about.

Polyamory (or multiamory/polyphilia if you dislike the combination of Greek with Latin, but the word already exists, is already in common usage and you just really need to deal with it, polyglots) is the opposite of monogamy, basically. It's "the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time."

Now, the first reaction of most people who've been raised in a monogamous society is to reject the idea as selfish, immature, unhealthy, etc. In actuality, selfishness and immaturity are counterproductive to a polyamorous lifestyle. They have no place in any healthy relationship -- and monogamous relationships are just as prone to the exact same issues. As for healthy? Any relationship can be healthy or unhealthy depending on maintenance, maturity, commitment, consent, etc. Read more about myths of polyamory.

I once didn't 'get' polyamory. I couldn't understand how you could love more than one person at a time. Then I realized how silly I was being -- of course you can! Any mother of more than one child already does. You don't stop loving your firstborn for your second, or your third, etc. Your love isn't a cup to be filled, but a bag of holding without any weight limit.

Not everyone is built to do this with romantic relationships. There are people who want to say that poly is the 'natural' state, but I feel that's a slippery slope. It falls into the narrow minded idea of 'normal.' The fact is that there are multiple states of 'natural.' 

Not all humans are naturally poly, just as not are all naturally mono or even sexual. They're all variations of 'normal.' (quick rant to poly people who pull this card: yes, one person can be everything you need in one type of a relationship, and be perfect for you. Don't go anti-mono just because you're not. That's as bad as being anti-poly.) To say otherwise is like saying everyone is naturally bisexual or everyone is heterosexual/homosexual, etc. It's just not true.

Now, to explain the different types of poly relationships:

An open relationship is when you are actively allowed to add to your existing relationship(s). A poly relationship can be closed just like a monogamous one. This is called polyfidelity. This can change according to the needs of the relationship(s)/people in them. One thing you must be in poly relationships is open and communicative. If your communication is poor, it will fail (or at least struggle until everyone is miserable).

"Swinging" is purely sexual. It's a relationship that is open to trade/swap partners or explore outside sexual relationships without attachment. Swinging can be a risk to the couple at the core if attachment occurs, as this usually occurs in couples that are not willing to share emotional relationships (and note that they are still a 'couple' -- this is a two person bond that explores outward typically). Read more on swingers.

All dynamics are different. Some groups choose to include marriage, some do not. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' as long as healthy communication and full consent are involved.

Some people use a hierarchy system while others feel that's demeaning (and how the hierarchy is established varies as well -- some by 'importance,' some love vs sex, for instance, and some by time spent).

Some are mono-poly practicing, where one member is monogamous and the other is polyamorous and the mono member is okay with the poly dating. Some are mono-poly closed, where the poly member has agreed to live monogamously to respect the wishes/belief/heart of his/her significant other.

Mono-poly relationships are tricky in that most people are jealous, but especially when one cannot understand the drive of the other. Selfishness of any kind can easily destroy the mono-poly relationship. Feeling that you aren't being allowed to explore your sexuality/ability to love on the poly's part (this person may have regular trouble in poly relationships as well, because selfishness can lead to jealousy as quickly as possessiveness does, so therapy would be in order regardless of their decision to remain mono-poly or leave to become full poly) or being unwilling to accept that the other person has different emotional needs on either part or feeling that your partner doesn't 'love you enough' because they can't prevent themselves from falling in love with someone else.

Poly people strive for an emotion currently termed 'compersion' -- this is finding joy in the happiness of those you love, unselfishly. I actually strive for that myself. I'm mostly there, but when my needs aren't being met, I lose it (which is completely normal).

Poly-poly relationships come with social stigma and are more work and maintenance. All relationships require work and maintenance. Poly people who are committed to healthy relationships are just as equipped to deal with the extra work as mono people.

Small note: Helper personalities (people who want to fix things, mediate -- people like me) can be the utter death of a relationship if they can't learn to shut up and let the others figure it out on their own. They either stress themselves out not being able to help or accidentally sabotage other people's relationships because they are trying to push for communication that the others aren't ready for. Therapists are both great and terrible in poly relationships.

Both monogamous and polyamorous relationships have the potential for amazing rewards. There is no superior/inferior here. Only what your romantic orientation leads you to. 

Musing on the Sun (satirical rant)

credit: stockxchng

credit: stockxchng

Everywhere I look, I see pro-sun propaganda. No one can deny that the sun is a life-bringing supplier of essential heat and vitamins and all things good, right?

credit: stockxchng

credit: stockxchng

Wrong! Instead, I submit that the sun is a dealer! Getting us hooked on vitamin D and artificial conditions inconsistent with the majority of the universe so that we are confined to the small sphere of existence to which it provides a constant fix.

In the meantime, it is sitting there, kept alive by the burning rage that it can't get just a little closer and snuff out our meaningless, parasitic existences. Always just a small overdose of radiation away from succeeding in ridding itself, a magnificent body of searing plasma that has no need of filthy constructs to thrive in the dark vacuum of space, of our annoyance.

Yet, without us and our ball of mud and gasses, its existence would have no meaning. The loneliness would be intolerable. So it keeps its distance, grudgingly providing us the building blocks of our inferior lives while we cower and marvel at the mixed blessing it bestows upon us.

Those of us with poor melanin production are tapped into this truth. Our skin doesn't revel in the mercurial touch of abusive Sol. It cringes and shrinks, dies and peels. Sometimes it throws up meager spotty defenses, particularly on those unfortunate enough to be born with hair the color of fire, as if in defiance of our blazing master.

 

credit: me via bitstrips

Musing On Katie's Thoughts

Head on over to my friend Katie's blog to read an interview with yours truly! Katie is a mom, a teacher, a podcaster and is venturing into the world of becoming an interviewer, too. Thanks for the interview, Katie, it was enjoyable!

 

Today I am very lucky to be interviewing my friend, and local author, H.S. Kallinger.  Mrs. Kallinger calls the Kansas City metro area home, and currently resides there with her husband and three daughters. She is currently writing the sixth book in her “The Lost Humanity Series,” while book three of the series is currently undergoing the editing process. I sat down with Mrs. Kallinger to find out a bit more about her as an author, how her series is coming along, and just how difficult it is to juggle being an author and a fulltime Mommy.

read more: http://ashleysmom-katie.blogspot.com/2013/09/hs-kallinger-interview_19.html?spref=tw

Musing on the Rapper Sword Dance

 

So, in researching things for my books, sometimes I come across something really interesting. In this case, it's the Tyneside tradition of sword dancing. Specifically the 'short sword dance' or 'rapper sword dance.' The best origin that can be gleaned is that it comes from the mining villages in Northumberland and Durham. Originally performed with rigid swords, it's unknown why they were replaced with the flexible rapper swords, although it's theorized that it was a necessity. It's uncertain what function the rapper swords had previously.

So, yeah, these guys dance with swords. Five people take hold of the handles on the ends of the swords and without letting go, perform a fast, complex dance (and provide the percussion with their feet). While it may have originally been accompanied by hornpipes, now 75% of performers use a jig (probably incorporated from Irish immigrants).

Anyway, enough talking, you can read more here and now the videos I want to share:

I love this one because of the close quarters of the pub:

Here's a talented co-ed group (I have to link because the video doesn't allow embedding)

An all-lass group:

And while it's rarely performed to a band, the Demon Barbers don't seem to care much for that tradition (or the tradition of wearing kits). This one's one of my favorites, although they start out a little slow:

I hope you've enjoyed!

Music Monday: Favorite Covers

So, today I bring you Music Monday. Song covers. I love them. They're a sign of respect, in my opinion. You love a song so much that you have to do it in tribute. Some of my favorite songs in general are covers. So, in no particular order, here are some of my favorite covers.

Song: Blue Monday

Cover Band: Orgy

Original Band: New Order

Song: Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These)

Cover Band: Marilyn Manson

Original Band: Eurythmics

Song: Live and Let Die

Cover Band: Guns N' Roses

Original Band: Wings (Paul McCartney)

Song: Send Me An Angel

Cover Band: Zeromancer

Original Band: Real Life

Song: Lake of Fire

Cover Band: Nirvana
Original Band: Meat Puppets

Song: Jolene

Cover Band: The White Stripes
Original Band: Dolly Parton

Song: Imagine

Cover Band: A Perfect Circle
Original Band: John Lennon

Song: Darling Nikki

Cover Band: Foo Fighters
Original Band: Prince

Song: Creep

Cover Band: Seether
Original Band: Stone Temple Pilots

While there are many more I could list, I think this should conclude this post. What are some of your favorite covers?