Originally written May 5, 2008 at 9:46 PM.
How many people are so immature that they can't say the names of their own genitalia? Seriously? The one that is setting me off is va-jayjay. That is the stupidest, beyond ignorant, childish, uneducated and low class crap word for the vagina I've heard. Why? Number one, there is NO FUCKING J IN VAGINA. At least say va-gigi (pronounce it va jee jee, but use the right damn letter). The female genitalia is properly called the vulva. Ask a nurse and she'll call it a hooha, but she's also talking about your 'hooha' behind your back to her friends and wailing about it being in her face as you're giving birth (in case you can't tell, one of my friends is a nurse who is doing an OB rotation who does NOT want to be an OB nurse).
And your son doesn't have a "wiener" (or a misspelling of the word, such as weaner) or a "thing"
or a "ding-dong" or any other way you want to avoid "penis" by using food words or making his genitals sound like some kind of monster/object. His penis is not dirty, it does not cause him to behave differently than a girl until he's MUCH older and unless you TEACH him to be a stereotype, he won't become one. Though he might not become one just to spite you.
Boys and girls both masturbate. Deal with it. Girls typically start masturbating at an earlier age and can achieve orgasm years before boys can. It's healthy for both genders. 60% of women cannot achieve orgasm any other way.
The only difference between male and female circumcision is that most women cannot achieve orgasm after one (of 2 of the 3 types), but men usually can (not always). The same propaganda is spread about both procedures and is equally untrue for boys as it is for girls. Religious circumcision was originally only a tiny cut into the foreskin for the purpose of drawing blood as a sacrifice and the scar to mark that Moses' law was followed. No two penises look exactly alike, ever. 85% of the male population of the world is intact, not circumcised. Most other countries think Americans are barbarians and butchers for this practice, just as we look at female circumcision as atrocious.
So, in closing, if you're going to make a cute nickname for your genitals, at least make it appropriate. Your clitoris is not a part of your vagina, it's a part of your vulva, as is your vagina, which only refers to the hole where sperm goes in and babies come out. If you're going to avoid penis, at least use peepee, as it at least teaches the right letter and refers to its function.
If you can have sex, you can refer to reproductive organs by their proper names, learn how they function and at least know how to spell them. Please make me think that at least a few people have a better than third grade education.
This journal brought to you by the hormone progesterone. Growing babies since the beginning of time and causing pregnant women to find inconsequential things unbearably annoying.