Musing on Children of LGBTQ Parents

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So, over the last summer, I had quite a few fascinating, in-depth conversations with people across the globe in my intro to psychology class. The most provocative threads was likely regarding sexual orientation, and one man's question on whether or not it was a mental illness, because his daughter was gay. I was never quite sure if he was trolling or genuinely seeking answers, but for the most part, the threads he started stayed respectful and full of a huge exchange of information and cultural reactions.

Also, the answer is no. It is not a mental illness. It was stripped of that misguided label in the '70s, and despite the Brazilian government's backwards move, it still is not, has never been and never will be an illness, a choice or a 'lifestyle.'

Of course, the core questions he wanted to know were if he had caused it and if it could harm his grandson (which he believed strongly that it would, because he had a clear ignorance of the topic--hence asking questions to dispel it--and issues of his own to work with, as well as a belief that two women can't raise a boy properly).

In case any of my readers are under the delusion that healthy non-heterosexual parents will do a poor job (or even a statistically different job) of raising children (regardless of the child's gender), here are some of the resources I provided him:

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2013/03/18/peds.2013-0377
"Extensive data available from more than 30 years of research reveal that children raised by gay and lesbian parents have demonstrated resilience with regard to social, psychological, and sexual health despite economic and legal disparities and social stigma."

http://mccaugheycentre.unimelb.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0008/786806/simon_report_.pdf
"...when measuring same-sex parent households against heterosexual households on a number of key health indicators, such as self-esteem, emotional well-being and the amount of time spent with parents, gay and straight-parent families match up well.
However, the researchers found that on measures of general health and family cohesion something cropped up in the data that was quite interesting. Children aged 5-17 in a same-sex parent household scored significantly higher on these wellness measures than kids from straight parent families."

http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_Families_Pages/Children_w...
Sometimes people are concerned that children being raised by a gay parent will need extra emotional support or face unique social stressors.Current research shows that children with gay and lesbian parents do not differ from children with heterosexual parents in their emotional development or in their relationships with peers and adults. It is important for parents to understand that it is the the quality of the parent/child relationship and not the parent’s sexual orientation that has an effect on a child’s development. Research has shown that in contrast to common beliefs, children of lesbian, gay, or transgender parents:

• Are not more likely to be gay than children with heterosexual parents.
• Are not more likely to be sexually abused.
• Do not show differences in whether they think of themselves as male or female (gender identity).
• Do not show differences in their male and female behaviors (gender role behavior).

http://www.livescience.com/6073-children-raised-lesbians-fine-studies-show.html
http://www.livescience.com/17913-advantages-gay-parents.html
http://www.care2.com/causes/gay-parents-just-as-good-for-kids-and-with-added-benefits.html#ixzz2YtdkWIjj
http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/news/regions/americas/130605/gay-parents-are-good-parents-study-f...
http://www.bu.edu/today/2013/gay-parents-as-good-as-straight-ones/
http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/06/24/chrisler.gay.parents/index.html

Additional resources:

“On the basis of a remarkably consistent body of research on lesbian and gay parents and their children, the American Psychological Association (APA) and other health professional and scientific organizations have concluded that there is no scientific evidence that parenting effectiveness is related to parental sexual orientation. That is, lesbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provide supportive and healthy environments for their children. This body of research has shown that the adjustment, development and psychological well-being of children are unrelated to parental sexual orientation and that the children of lesbian and gay parents are as likely as those of heterosexual parents to flourish.”
http://www.phillymag.com/g-philly/2012/06/15/apa-gay-parents-a-okay/

Musing on The Spectrum of Sexuality

This was originally a post I made on facebook after a friend's sexuality was attacked. I felt it was important enough to turn into a blog post.
 
Sexuality is not a choice. You can choose to act on it, sure. But not what you feel. Not who you're attracted to. Or not attracted to.

Lesbians don't need "a good fuck by a man" to become straight. If anything, that's just a recipe to prove to them how not heterosexual they are. Same in reverse with gay guys. Sex with a girl will not "cure" them.

Asexual people will not suddenly develop an interest in sex just because they have it. It doesn't matter if it's from the best lover in the world. Nor does--and this one may surprise you--being asexual mean a lack of libido. It can. But what it means is a lack of sexual attraction.




Sexuality is a spectrum. It's not Straight and Gay. It's heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual and levels of each. Then there's romanticism--it's a spectrum, to. A person can be romantically attracted to someone without sexual attraction. And someone can be sexually attracted to a gender/multiple genders without experiencing romantic attraction.

These are not mental issues. These are the broad spectrum of humanity. Of love and sex and all of that. It is not caused by abuse (it can be exacerbated by it). It is not "cured" by further abuse. It is not your place to judge, condemn, diagnose or attempt to "save" or convert (sexually) people of a different orientation.

Acceptance, not 'tolerance,' is what this world needs. Love. Not conditional, based on what you are comfortable understanding. It's okay not to understand. It's okay to ask questions, as long as it's not in a derogatory way. It's okay to feel weird until you know more. It's okay to not know, and to learn. It's okay to be Takei, gay, straight, bi, pan, asexual or anything in between.
This is nature, how we were designed.  Homosexual behavior has been observed in close to 1,500 species. It is real, it is as natural as heterosexuality--it's just less common.

So please, don't just 'tolerate' your friends and family of a different orientation. Love them. Accept them. Defend them against fools who refuse to learn or think. Be the change that this world so strongly needs.

And congratulations to the UK for taking the next step in this process!

Reversal

Jerry went into work that morning bursting with news. He wanted to shout to the sky--his wife and he were expecting a baby! But he kept it inside, knowing that it was clear on his face anyway. Several of his coworkers asked him why he was in such a good mood that day, but he knew he couldn't tell them. After all, if he talked about being married at work, he could lose his job.

It was really hard thinking about how if he had chosen any other work but the military, he might be able to tell all his friends at work that he had a wife and that he loved her and the best part of getting up every morning was seeing her sleeping next to him.

But talking about love where he worked was taboo. Today, that was very hard and slowly, the excitement dimmed until, instead, a depression set in that he couldn't share his joy. His work was rewarding, yes, but it was still work and it was draining that he couldn't share his personal life without fear.

It ruined the whole rest of his day, but he steadfastly concentrated on work. After all, he was a soldier, his feelings didn't matter wherein they did not interfere with his ability to follow orders. He would continue to protect the people of his fine nation, even while not able to enjoy the same liberties that he was fighting for.


Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? But that's the story that all of our soldiers who are GLBT experience because of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. People ask, "Why repeal it? Why does it matter? Why do they have to talk about it? It's no one's business but their own." That last line is from GLBT supporters. Yeah.

Imagine you were unable to talk about falling in love, getting married, starting a family--worse, you couldn't get married (even though it's legal for anyone else) because it could lose you your career!

I reverse the question: "Why should it matter who the people fighting and dying for our rights are in love with? Why should it matter who is waiting for them at home?"

With the Don't Ask, Don't Tell reversal going through, we need to support the change, support the troops and remember that this is supposed to be a nation where "...all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Who can pursue happiness when their safety is in jeopardy and freedom of religion is considered lesser than that of another (as several religions accept GLBT relationships, including branches of Christianity and it is only the adherents of certain religions that says GLBT is not a valid way of life)? Thus, any person denying the right of GLBT soldiers to talk about their families the same as heterosexual soldiers is violating the constitution of the United States of America. And that's exactly what the court decision repealing DADT decided.


Hooray for reversal! Support the Troops! All of them.

Stock image from FantasyStock at Deviant Art. Used with Permission.