Musing on Robots in 2012

Most of my generation knows who Roise the maid is. Quite frankly, she's the dream of pretty much every housewife and guy who hates taking out the trash out there (enjoy my sexism). We've definitely made strides toward Rosie, though she, herself, is not a fixture in the average home... yet.

In case you don't know Rosie.

We have a smaller counterpart available in many households (that can afford to drop a couple hundred bucks for a fairly limited smart vacuum cleaner) and even have a choice. There's the Roomba, Mint, Neato and the HOM-BOT for top name brands. For floor washing, the Scooba, Mint Plus, Robomop and the 4-in-1 (what's its real name?) is available. Heck, there's even pool cleaners (too many to list) and gutter cleaner!

It ends up being more like the robotic teams from The Fifth Element more than Rosie.

One Roomba is more efficient, I think

In progress is an actual robot maid that can currently do laundry, use the microwave and most importantly: recognize tasks that need doing. Rosie is very close to being a reality. Many other domestic bots exist, from those that fold laundry to doing dishes to even grocery shopping.

There is also a short little helper robot who has a three-fingered hand on a flexible arm to allow it to pick up bottles to serve drinks. This robot response to voice and gestures:

The robotic age may be a little slower to advance than we'd expected in the 60's, but it might not be all that long before we actually get persocoms.

Especially when you look at how human robots have become with this android nurse:



She's a step up from this fella, huh?

I wouldn't have minded having him there to constantly wash my itchy legs after my cesarean

Some of the things that researchers are working on include dancing robots (because, clearly, we love the idea of robots dancing). It's somewhere between freaky and pants creaming awesome. Now, you would think that getting them to dance together would be pretty easy once they're programmed to dance, but apparently, synchronized dancing is not so simple. They ended up going with something called quorum sensing which allows living organisms to sense their own kind--where they are, what they're doing, etc. And they have succeeded.




In 2009, they came out with robots specifically designed to reason, think and be able to not only perform experiments, but perhaps come up with their own.

Medical robots make our lives more livable, from performing surgery to helping people with paralysis live a more normal life... using brainwaves to control them. They also help with rehab and getting back on your feet (or out of bed) (and may be available commercially as soon as 2013).

And the war where no one needs die (except the robots): Robotic soldiers are being improved all the time. Right now, we seem to be most interested in how many ways we can make them exercise, it's amazing (and terrifying, should the list of robots here be combined) how much these robots can do (and how complex such simple things as climbing stairs are to perform).

Personally, while there is a website devoted to cool robots (follow that link for a ton of awesome robots), my favorite is probably ASIMO. This adorable, child sized (and voiced) robot would be quite welcome in my house! I know he's old hat, but he reminds me of two of my favorite things from childhood: robot toys and astronauts. Also, despite having been around for a while (as far as robots go), he still demonstrates some of the biggest advancements in robotic mobility.



So, there you have it. Advancements from my humor post on hungry robots in 2009 and a small sampling of the awesome and terrifying ways robots are improving (and potentially threatening) our lives.

At least no one's built Skynet. Oh, wait, the UK did. F---

The Robots are coming, the Robots are coming--and they're HUNGRY

Originally posted Jul 15, 2009 on MySpace

Bow before the Technology... or it will eat you.

Want to fuck with America? No, no you don't. Ignoring all robot-warning movies from Terminator to Tim Burton's 9, DARPA has come up with the latest in terrifyingly evil concepts—EATR.

What is EATR? Well, in short, it's an ENERGETICALLY AUTONOMOUS TACTICAL ROBOT. Still don't know what that means? It means that it can derive its own energy sources from biomatter (grass, wood, garbage, roadkill, enemy corpses—basically anything but metal, plastic and Velveeta) so it can outlast the Energizer Bunny. And then eat it.

Here's the technical specs:

Oh, is that a Chainsaw I see? Yes, yes it is. And the Ramp for PackBots? Why, that would be the baby making orifice! This sucker can potentially BREED. “It might also be fitted with DARPA's SELF tech, enabling it to construct copies of itself and modify its own design.”

This is the face of the future enemy. Get a good look now, because it's going to be harder when we reach this point:

You think not? Well, how about this spec explanation:

AUTONOMOUS INTELLIGENT CONTROL: 4D/RCS

The 4D/RCS is a domain-independent approach to goal-directed, sensory interactive, adaptable behavior, integrating high-level cognitive reasoning with low-level perception and feedback control in a modular, well-structured, and theoretically grounded methodology It can be used to achieve full or supervised intelligent autonomy of individual platforms, as well as an overarching framework for control of systems of systems (e.g., incorporating unmanned and manned air, ground, sea surface, and undersea platforms, as well as serving as a decision tool for system of systems human controllers)

I don't like how that sounds. It can decide FOR us, can it? Oh, I'm sure that's not what that means... or is it?

And, of course, it's not DESIGNED to eat us. Of course not. As you see in this official illustration, the perception of what it consumes is totally benign:

And clearly, the intention is for it to be a vegetarian, as illustrated here:

So, as you can see, it's only going to eat your pot. Hmm... maybe it's not just designed for foreign wars, but our own homespun war on drugs as well. Of course, what's that going to leave us with when it tosses all that green into its burner?

Oh, yeah. Well, that's not so bad.

Oh, my.

So, let's review. So far, we have a chainsaw-wielding, pot stealing, flesh eating, giant killer smoking robot. Could it get any worse?

Oh, it's got a webcam. So it can post on YouTube while it slaughters us. So the other robots can laugh at us. And with the Japanese corpse-mover being invented around the same time, it's already got a lackey.

Of course, that robot's not just for corpses, but for moving bums from the street, too. If we toss in the automatic voice-recognizing sniper-bot with a two-mile shooting range...

...we're fucked.

Sources:

http://www.robotictechnologyinc.com/index.php/EATR

http://www.engadget.com/2009/07/10/eatr-robots-are-coming-this-isnt-funny-anymore/

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/07/09/eatr_beta/

http://www.cracked.com/article_16364_science-dick-5-most-evil-robots-ever-invented.html