Body Shaming

Inspired by a friend's question/rant in a local parenting circle: 

Every time you shame someone for dressing in a comfortable way because you don't like the way they look: you are shaming our daughters. You are teaching them that they will never be enough, their bodies are not good enough. Every woman out there is a daughter. She was a child once. I say, if a woman has the confidence in herself to wear a bikini, then she damn well has not only every right, but should have every blessing to do so as well. I don't care how you feel about yourself or what your idea of beauty is--she has the right to be happy with HERSELF, confident and comfortable. For the sake of our daughters: STOP JUDGING WOMEN ON THEIR APPEARANCES. Stop the body shaming. Stop the propaganda.

Just because you don't like it: that means nothing. My husband thinks I'm beautiful. Many men and women do. I don't, because of all the people who told me I shouldn't. Every one who said, "That person is okay to wear that, but not HER, because she's too fat/bony/paunchy/square/round/curvy/small/flat/tan/pale/dark/busty/sexy/old/ugly." Every time you shame someone in this way, you are shaming me, yourself, every elder woman, every mother, maiden and child.

Don't justify your behavior with, "Well, I agree that I shouldn't wear [whatever]." That is YOUR problem, just as my feelings that I should not be seen are MINE. Stop perpetuating it. Let our daughters grow to be beautiful, regardless of how this person or that feels about them. Everyone is beautiful to someone. Even someone you would pull out to express what you consider hideous: there is someone who finds her beautiful.

And, because they are so often forgotten in the body image concerns: the same is all true of men and boys. Boys suffer from body image issues and anorexia, too--but it's not considered "okay" or understood. Forced to suffer in silence, expected to just tolerate the slurs about their physical appearances, boys and men are victimized by this unacceptable prejudice as well.

And for all that is good in the world, stop looking at it through the lens of Hollywood standards. And stop hurting yourself by applying those same standards to you. Be healthy. Be happy. And don't let anyone tell you that you don't deserve to be, just because you don't fit into their narrow mold of beauty.

"I Want My Body Back"

"I want my body back."

Those words have been spoken by more pregnant and/or nursing mothers than I think anyone can ever count. I don't understand it.

If I say those words, I'm going to be talking about my body from February, 2007, when I was the thinnest I've been in decades. Although, sans the faulty gallbladder, thanks. At that time, I was exclusively nursing my firstborn.

Why wouldn't I want to look like this again?

Now, I know what is meant by those words, but for me, I suppose, it's either not an issue or I just disagree that cessation of nursing and/or pregnancy will provide that. I've been pregnant and/or nursing for over 6 years. I've been postdates twice. Neither of those babies caused me a great deal of anxiety to hasten their arrival. With my first, I wanted to stop being pressured into induction and I wanted to meet my baby. I did not want her to come before she was ready, however. With my third, I just wanted a break from prodromal labor and symphysis pubis dysfunction. I actually wanted her to stick around long enough to be a Sagittarius (not that I don't totally love my little Scorpio).

10 months: Lillyanna

Nursing Lilly

But once they were out, that didn't mean that I would magically stop nurturing my baby. Even if I had chosen to bottle feed, my baby still would have been dependent on me for everything for the next six months minimum (at which point, she could at least put food in her own mouth, though it wasn't for sustenance, still) and still dependent on me for the next... oh... eighteen years or so. I suppose a child becomes independent around 16, when they can get a job. Although, since they can't rent an apartment or get married without an adult, maybe not.

39 weeks, 5 days: Naomi

Nursing Naomi

Sure, my kids won't be physically dependent on me that long. They learn to wipe their own butts around 18-24 months around here and Lilly could use the toilet without my help at all when she was 2 (Naomi still likes a boost up from time to time and sometimes her clothes frustrate her when she waits too long). They could walk by a year, crawl by 8 months, no longer totally dependent on me for moving around.  Lilly has been able to make her own food and feed her sister, minimally, since she was 4. They still need me to make most food (especially anything particularly complicated) and will for quite some time. They still need hugs and affection. They need me to hold their hands in parking lots and carry them in bad weather.

10 Months: Katarina

Nursing Kat

My body has never stopped being mine. Not when I nursed or grew a child or my husband was handsy as a 15 year old boy with a hooker. Once the kids are done with them, my boobs certainly aren't going back to being ignored or simply ogled. My husband is biding his time until the day he can declare they're all his alone again. And I can't describe how much I miss the feeling of a baby poking around in my womb (though I don't miss the SPD, contractions, peeing every 15 minutes, food aversions, etc. etc. of course).

My body is mine. I'm simply sharing it. Maybe it's because I'm an extrovert, but there's a sadness, to me, at the thought of being alone in here again. This post was inspired by the one by Jessica for the Carnival of Weaning because what she said spoke volumes to me, even though I've only been nursing for half a decade. I won't necessarily be sad to be done nursing--I've been happy with both my nursing and weaning relationships thus far. But being done with pregnancy does sadden me, but more, I'll be a very sad mama the day our nest empties for good.